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'Dear Princess Twilight:
Let me be frank. After all those years living under my roof which let you avoid consequences from your ever-growing weirdness without having to face consequences I just couldn't stand the sight of you. Nightmare Moon was simply the excuse to kick you out, and I gave you my old castle because I knew it'd keep you based out of Ponyville.
Please stop notifying me about absolutely everything as if you were the first creature ever to discover it and I wouldn't understand the details without your help. I have more than a millennium of experience in such matters and a far more social, empathic nature than you do. Limit these letters to concise, relevant reports.
Rather busy managing a continent-spanning superpower,
Princess Celestia'
'