"Here we see the majestic and unique aquatic creature known as the Doughnut Turtle. It has evolved the unique defense of having a delicious, edible body that tastes like a chocolate pastry. In the wild, this is a perfect defense, as everyone knows animals hate and cannot eat chocolate without dying, thus allowing it to be left alone. Sadly, this defense is useless against humans, as we love doughnuts. Already endangered thanks to the construction of countless Dunkin Donuts near their habitats, the Doughnut Turtle population suffered a catastrophic loss when over a hundred gallons of coffee spilled into the Florida Reserve. Thousands of police officers swarmed the site, leaving not a single pasty amphibian alive.
Now, the Doughnut Turtle population tries to recover in hidden glades and ponds, special reserves, and WMCA's. Extinction of the species is predicted to occur within four years given current consumption rates."