Life.Perfect. It doesn't exist.Especially not in me.I fall in love easily.I eat when I'm sad.I miss him too much.I analyze everything.I lie to myself.I dream of the impossible.& cry when i realize it will never be.I wish life was fair.Then laugh cause it never will be.I don't speak up.I'm afraid of my feelings.Thus, I remain numb.Music says what I can't.My hair never does what I want it to.I wish I was skinnier.I wish I was prettier.I don't get perfect grades.I want someone who will never want me.All my smiles are fake.And the real ones, no one sees.I am always alone.I want some friends.I wish someone understood me.But nothing ever changes.I miss my dad.My life , it hurts.Now, I will make it stop.
It hurts.I'm sitting on the floor. I can't do this anymore, I just can't. Get on with life . Keep breathing.But how can you when almost everything important that you loved is gone?You can't. You can't get on with life. You can't keep breathing. Not without help, anyway. The only help I have, it's just enough.But as I think about how easy it would be not get on with life. To not keep breathing.Pretty simple. Lots of easy ways to do it. Pills. Guns. Knives. Rope. Jumping. Drowning. See, lots of ways.But , inside I'm already gone. Inside, I've already jumped. As I think about this, his words rush my mind. Like tidal wave, threatening to push me under, or push me out. Not sure yet.His words. Those eight words. Keeping me alive."There's no such thing as a painless suicide." he said.He didn't mean my pain. He meant his. Even though it takes every ounce of strength and optimism to get out of bed in the morning. Even though most things