It's pretty clear everyone by now has heard about Chester's suicide and its affect on the band and fans, me being one of them. It's hit me hard, not only because they're my favorite band but with my experience with suicide. I'll get to that soon.
Linkin Park is the band that's gotten me through the rough patches I had/have in my life, with Chester gone, I've gone back over their albums with different waves of emotions washing over me, nostalgia, regret, realization, depression. I've gotten a better picture now of what those lyrics meant (especially in their new album) meant to him and to me. I'm still fighting depression every day, and there are times I shut down completely. At my lowest points all I want to do is die.
I get a lot of thoughts of killing myself, even attempted to once, I also have to live with the scars from all the other times I hurt myself. Something that hurts more, the tightness in my chest knowing not just me, but my brother also attempted suicide. A friend of mine awhile back committed suicide as well, and recently my sister's death as well.
These feelings can't always be bottled up and hidden, no matter how hard I try; showing little emotion to mask the hell-storm in my mind. Now with Chester gone, it leaves another hole in my heart. At least now he isn't suffering with same demons I have to fight. I only hope there's somewhere after life that has him in a better place, and I regard the rest of the band my condolence in mourning the loss of a great friend & bandmate.
Listening to: One More Light: Linkin Park