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Doctor Who jokesKnock knock.
Q: What happens when the headless monks leave banana peels on the floor?
A: Silence will fall
Q: How many Sontarans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! Sontarans do not fear the dark!
Q: How many Time Lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Interference in the lighting practices of other cultures is strictly forbidden.
Q: How many cybermen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: LIGHTBULBS ARE INELEGANT. THEY WILL BE UPGRADED.
Yo momma's so fat, the whole Slavine family could fit inside her at once
Yo momma's so fat, the cybermen upgraded her into a hot dog van
Yo momma's so fat, project indigo took her to an ice cream parlor
Yo momma's so fat, the Adipose consider her a natural resource
Yo momma's so fat, Captain Jack didn't try to flirt with her
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The tesselector: Our records office is sealed to the public. The chicken isn't guilty of anything.
River Song: Spoilers.
Troublemakers. Marauders x Reader
〖 Remember when we used to be rascals? 〗
“The Forbidden Forest? James, have you gone mad?!” [Name] nearly shrieked, trying not to catch the attention of other students. This was a bad idea. A very bad one. In fact, all the schemes that James (and Sirius) have thought are always up to no good. They would just get in trouble, get scolded by some Professors, and go to detention.
“James, it's called the ‘Forbidden Forest’ for a reason. It's strictly forbidden.” Remus pointed out, putting down his latest new book on the side. [Name] nodded in agreement. At least there was a sane person in this group. But even with Remus' and [Name]'s protest, James still wanted to go to the Forbidden Forest. He didn't tell why, exactly. But he wanted to.
“I think it would be fun,” Sirius finally had said. “don't you think so too, Peter?”
The poor boy nervously fidgeted and nodded his head slowly. “Y-Yes.. Of cou
restless [babysitter!kuroko tetsuya] [1/10]
RULE NUMBER ONE:
It was unlike Kuroko to panic, but thirty minutes prior, he lost [Name]. At Seirin freaking Highschool. One moment, the five year old girl was in the gymnasium, sitting on the bench and handing him his towel. And in the next, she was gone. Nowhere to be seen. He could only think of what to tell her parents when it was time to get her home. Gee, I took your daughter with me to practice, Mrs. [Surname], and I kind of lost her...
"[Name]-chan, please come out..." he called out.
Kuroko had convinced the basketball team to help him look around the campus for the little girl. He ran up the stairs to the second and third floor, checked every single freaking classroom, and when he couldn't find her, he ran back down to the first floor. He met up with Kagami at the shoe lockers, completely out of breath.
The heat of the afternoon wasn't helping either.
"Can't find her," Kagami breathed, sweat running down his
Beauty Sleep"Avast ye foul lizard! Crawl out from that hidey-hole on your belly so I may stain my blade with your impure blood!"
He stood outside the dragon's den, a gallant figure clad from head to toe in gleaming metal. Shield and sword were poised, and the crimson plume adorning his helmet flapped in the sputtering breeze.
"You may have terrorized many a kingdom and slaughtered many a valiant knight, but not I! For I come bearing my family's ancestral sword, a bright woe-bringer to all the creatures of darkness which hide in their fetid pits! Enjoy your next breaths, dragon, for they shall be your last."
Deep down in the depths of the dragon's den, a pair of bleary eyes cracked open.
Oh please not ANOTHER one.
The Dragon yawned and stretched on its hoard; a wretched fuzzy taste had settled into his mouth overnight, and a dreadful scratch lingered in the back of his throat. An inordinate amount of gagging and hacking ensued as a modest glob of mucus was expelled from his lungs. That was d
[Levi x Reader] Lesson 1 : Never steal from Levi
You were walking stealthily along the halls of the castle, where the Special Operation Squad were currently staying at to keep Eren "safe". Honestly, you just thought that they were here only to tame him, like an animal. And it was just that, no matter how much Erwin and Levi sugar-coated it. You quickly became friends with Eren though, and you usually visit him after you finished with your paperwork to chat with him. Anyways, back to what you were saying, you were walking stealthily, carefully not to make a sound. No one was in sight, your plan was going peeeeerfectlll -
You halted abruptly, recognizing the voice. His voice. Usually, hearing his voice leaves you blushing, which horrified Eren and others. This time though, you truly feel the
sexiness, coldness, and sternness in his voice that makes you shiver. There's actually also a hint of anger and -
Why, why me?
You slowly turned around, facing the Co
Hetalia - How to Speak like an Hetalian
67 Ways to Speak like you're from Hetalia!
1. End your sentences with "aru".
2. Say "Ve~" a lot.
3. Ask- no TELL people to "become one with Russia".
4. Option one for Introducing yourself: "I am Japan, a person who can sense the mood and who refrains from speaking".
5. Speak the noises that you make. (ex. when chewing food "chi chi chi chi", when staring "jiiiiii~ jiiiiii~ jiiiiii~")
6. Say "kolkolkolkolkolkol!"
7. Yell "PASTAAA~".
8. Option two for Introducing yourself: no matter what, say in a whispering voice "I'm Canada, you're owner".
9. Yell "I choose you, China"!
10. Yell "VODKAAA~"!
11. Say "I sound like a fag"!
12. Repeat "Marry me"!
13. Call your older brother (or random strangers, that works too) "Big brader" [big brother, in a funny accent].
14. Tell people to "Praise me"!
15. Yell "I'll be the hero"!
16. Call random people your "wife".
17. Stand next to a lamp post and say "I'll try my best until next time, I'll think about it, All my answers are "no". It's a quirk".
The Business Wolf stopped gnawing on his third plate of Lapin Bleu d'Auvergne and pointed at Deer with his fork. "The problem," he said, "is that you've got a bum deal going on with your agent. You're paying him far too much if all he was able to get you was public affection. I mean, there's what-- thirteen million white-tailed deer in the United States alone, right?"
Deer looked down at his glass, which was half-full of some white wine. He was a little unsure whether or not he liked it, as he didn't really know what made wine good or bad or even what type of wine it happened to be. He'd looked at the menu, become flummoxed by the French, and had simply asked the waiter (in English) for something vegetarian with a suitable wine. This was his second glass or maybe his third; he'd already forgotten. He swished it around a little.
"Thirty million, actually," said Deer. "Not thirteen."
50 Things Sebastian Cannot Do1. When awakening the young master I cannot greet him by saying, "Good morning sir, I hope I wasn't too rough." He doesn't like it no matter how amusing his reaction.
2. If the young master inquires as to whom is at the door I may not respond 'The black market.' Calming the young master from panic attacks aren't the most enjoyable of things.
3. The household help are to be treated as people, not like the incompetant morons they are.
4. Spitting in earl grey tea is bad, no matter what the young earl himself has thrown at my head that morning.
5. Cats are not permitted to be in the house.
6. Or in my room.
7. Especially not my room or the wardrobe in my room.
8. No cats anywhere except for outside (even still I must hide them!).
9. I may be a demon but that is no exucse for many reasons.
10. One of which being to scare the household help.
11. Offering contracts just to kill Finny is prohibited.
12. If Mey-Rin tries to rape me in my sleep I am permitted to hit her twice but no more.
2nd person fiction and YouYou like fiction written in the second person. You may not admit it to yourself, but deep down, you really do. It teases you with its confrontational otherness, its flamboyantly displayed post-modernism, its teeth.
Do not look at its teeth. You do not want to look at its teeth.
Fiction written in the second person and you have a long history of denial. At first, you were sure it couldn't be done. Then it was done, and it was done to you, and you liked it, too, but it was only the one time and you were kind of drunk. It was an experiment, and it was interesting as an experiment, but that was all it was.
Only, of course, it wasn't.
Fiction written in the second person has invaded your dreams, and what's worse, your sexual fantasies. You'd be picturing a luscious blonde, rubbing her rubbables, yearning for your touch, when suddenly a voice would pop into your head, calmly narrating what you were doing: "You are picturing a luscious blonde," the voice would say, "rubbing her rubbables. Hey