It appears you don't have PDF support in this web browser. Download PDF
It appears you don't have PDF support in this web browser. Download PDF
Doctor Who jokesKnock knock.
Q: What happens when the headless monks leave banana peels on the floor?
A: Silence will fall
Q: How many Sontarans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! Sontarans do not fear the dark!
Q: How many Time Lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Interference in the lighting practices of other cultures is strictly forbidden.
Q: How many cybermen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: LIGHTBULBS ARE INELEGANT. THEY WILL BE UPGRADED.
Yo momma's so fat, the whole Slavine family could fit inside her at once
Yo momma's so fat, the cybermen upgraded her into a hot dog van
Yo momma's so fat, project indigo took her to an ice cream parlor
Yo momma's so fat, the Adipose consider her a natural resource
Yo momma's so fat, Captain Jack didn't try to flirt with her
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The tesselector: Our records office is sealed to the public. The chicken isn't guilty of anything.
River Song: Spoilers.
Troublemakers. Marauders x Reader
〖 Remember when we used to be rascals? 〗
“The Forbidden Forest? James, have you gone mad?!” [Name] nearly shrieked, trying not to catch the attention of other students. This was a bad idea. A very bad one. In fact, all the schemes that James (and Sirius) have thought are always up to no good. They would just get in trouble, get scolded by some Professors, and go to detention.
“James, it's called the ‘Forbidden Forest’ for a reason. It's strictly forbidden.” Remus pointed out, putting down his latest new book on the side. [Name] nodded in agreement. At least there was a sane person in this group. But even with Remus' and [Name]'s protest, James still wanted to go to the Forbidden Forest. He didn't tell why, exactly. But he wanted to.
“I think it would be fun,” Sirius finally had said. “don't you think so too, Peter?”
The poor boy nervously fidgeted and nodded his head slowly. “Y-Yes.. Of cou
Beauty Sleep"Avast ye foul lizard! Crawl out from that hidey-hole on your belly so I may stain my blade with your impure blood!"
He stood outside the dragon's den, a gallant figure clad from head to toe in gleaming metal. Shield and sword were poised, and the crimson plume adorning his helmet flapped in the sputtering breeze.
"You may have terrorized many a kingdom and slaughtered many a valiant knight, but not I! For I come bearing my family's ancestral sword, a bright woe-bringer to all the creatures of darkness which hide in their fetid pits! Enjoy your next breaths, dragon, for they shall be your last."
Deep down in the depths of the dragon's den, a pair of bleary eyes cracked open.
Oh please not ANOTHER one.
The Dragon yawned and stretched on its hoard; a wretched fuzzy taste had settled into his mouth overnight, and a dreadful scratch lingered in the back of his throat. An inordinate amount of gagging and hacking ensued as a modest glob of mucus was expelled from his lungs. That was d
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 4Humorous drabble series.
Chapter 4 – Sousuke Aizen.
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
I am not a rapist. I am in prison for treason and murder, not rape. My obsession is with power, not sex.
I manipulated Momo Hinamori into becoming infatuated with me simply because it was prudent to have a second-in-command who would not get suspicious when secret paperwork about illegal experiments with hollows fell out of my pocket or when the architectural diagrams of Las Noches were accidentally left out on my desk.
Orihime Inoue was my kidnapping victim, not my sex toy. See the paragraph above. Simply because she was the first female I was close to that I did not try to slaughter does not mean that I wanted to marry her and make her my Queen. I am immortal and have no desire for heirs.
I would never kidnap random high school girls named Brianna or Megan and force them to have sex with me. Ordinary humans hold no interest for me.
I touched Ichigo's heart during our battle to unnerve and
The Business Wolf stopped gnawing on his third plate of Lapin Bleu d'Auvergne and pointed at Deer with his fork. "The problem," he said, "is that you've got a bum deal going on with your agent. You're paying him far too much if all he was able to get you was public affection. I mean, there's what-- thirteen million white-tailed deer in the United States alone, right?"
Deer looked down at his glass, which was half-full of some white wine. He was a little unsure whether or not he liked it, as he didn't really know what made wine good or bad or even what type of wine it happened to be. He'd looked at the menu, become flummoxed by the French, and had simply asked the waiter (in English) for something vegetarian with a suitable wine. This was his second glass or maybe his third; he'd already forgotten. He swished it around a little.
"Thirty million, actually," said Deer. "Not thirteen."
Cootie Catcher(Chibi!Japan x Chibi!Reader)You walked into your small class room. You looked around at your new classmates and smiled, seeing your friend Feliks. "Hi Feliks!" You greet him, smiling.
"AMG! (Y/N) I like haven't seen you in forever!" He replies hugging you. You giggled at your valley-girl friend. "So, like, what did you do over the summer girly?"
"Oh I learned how to make a cootie catcher, it tells fortunes~" You say getting an 'Ooh' From him.
"Like you totally have to show me how to- TORIS~! GET OVER HERE!" he motioned at his friend Toris who came over.
"Hello (Y/N)" He greeted you.
Just then a new kid came into the class, he had dark hair and beautiful emotionless eyes. You run up to him and smile. "Hi! I haven't seen you before! I'm (Y/n), whats your name?" You ask tilting your head.
He nods hello. "I'm Kiku, it's nice to meet you" He replied.
"Can we be friends?" you ask hopefully. He nods in response. "YAY!" you say taking his hand and dragging him towards Feliks and Toris. They say their hellos and start to
restless [babysitter!kuroko tetsuya] [1/10]
RULE NUMBER ONE:
It was unlike Kuroko to panic, but thirty minutes prior, he lost [Name]. At Seirin freaking Highschool. One moment, the five year old girl was in the gymnasium, sitting on the bench and handing him his towel. And in the next, she was gone. Nowhere to be seen. He could only think of what to tell her parents when it was time to get her home. Gee, I took your daughter with me to practice, Mrs. [Surname], and I kind of lost her...
"[Name]-chan, please come out..." he called out.
Kuroko had convinced the basketball team to help him look around the campus for the little girl. He ran up the stairs to the second and third floor, checked every single freaking classroom, and when he couldn't find her, he ran back down to the first floor. He met up with Kagami at the shoe lockers, completely out of breath.
The heat of the afternoon wasn't helping either.
"Can't find her," Kagami breathed, sweat running down his
On Dating Werewolves
A Guy's Guide to Dating a Werewolf
by Dylan McAllister
So, you've met this really cool girl, and somehow you either think, or know, she's a werewolf (she probably dropped the hint to come and look up this sheet, hoping you'd take said hint). Well, congratulations and good luck, because you're going to need it. Dating a werewolf is a bit different than dating a normal girl, but as long as you understand a few important guidelines, (which your life might just depend on) you won't get neutered — trust me, I grew up with my girlfriend, and we've been dating for a while now, and she was born a werewolf, so listen up, I know what I'm talking about. In fact, having a werewolf girlfriend (or boyfriend for you ladies) will be the most awesome relationship you could ever hope to have in your entire life. Most of the below also applies if you're a human girl interested in dating
Babysitting (Chibi!Romanox Readerx Spain)I got really bored so I wrote this~
You were sitting at the top of your staircase leaning up against the wall listening to music when you hear someone knock on the door. Your mother answers it and you hear talking. You try to make put who it was when it clicked! It was Mr.Vargas, the grampa of three. "I was wondering if anyone could babysit while I went out on a date tonight. Antonio will be out with his friends so I need someone to watch Feli and Lovi." You heard him say.
"I'll do it!" you say poking you head from around the corner."I have nothing else to do and I think it would be fun~!"
"Oh okay thank you (Y/N)!" He replies smiling. "Come over around 7 okay?"
You knock on the door and Mr.Vargas answers with a smile."Graze (Y/N)."
"Oh any time!" you reply smiling back at him.
"I'll be back at 11, Antonio will be back around then too so if you hear someone come in around then its him." You nod and he leaves.
"Idiota! Give me back my tomato!" You hear Lovino yell from the l