|3 min read
dynsiwmper's avatar
By dynsiwmper   |   
1 5 2K (1 Today)
Everyone says it. "I'm crazy". But what is crazy?

I've always considered myself to be a bit unconventional, and so I've earned my "crazy" label by doing unusual things. I often think it's just how my creative side manifests itself. You have to be a bit crazy to be an artist, surely?

Over the last year I've got to know 1deathgod. She's a wonderful young woman, who is clever, witty, dare I say even pretty (she'll thump me for saying that). But several weeks after initially getting to know her, she told me something that I never imagined I'd come across or have to deal with.

"I'm schizophrenic," she said. "I'm afraid you've been talking to a crazy person." Those were her words.

I'll admit that I was a little bit shocked, and didn't really know how that was going to affect our friendship. But I'm an open minded guy, and I wasn't going to run for the hills because someone I happened to like had a mental illness. So my response was to be supportive. After all, an illness doesn't define who someone is. People are much more than that. I dared to not be frightened.

I later found out that I was one of the first people she as brave enough to talk to about her condition. It was a bit of a journey for both of us. I gradually discovered how really frightening schizophrenia can be as I listened to her stories. I often felt (and sometimes still feel) helpless, not helped by being separated by over 7,000 miles (I guess that made it easier to talk to me - I'm so far away that I wouldn't be able to directly do very much). Naturally, I kept this all to myself, but now, for the first time, 1deathgod has decided to tell everyone her story in her own words. Struggling to write down exactly what she wanted to say, she decided to speak the words, and the result is this video: [link]

She posted the link in her journal, and asked for the link to be shared and re-posted, which is what I've done. It's a little shocking, but demonstrates how badly wrong things can go, and that there are ways that you can turn things around.

...and she's a little bit crazy :-)
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
XeruFury's avatar
XeruFuryHobbyist Writer
I just saw this because someone was off advertising it... I appreciate the story, but the advertising was somewhat asinine. Anyways... I did something much like this around the same time.
I uh... I had a bad few months a long time ago, from April to September, where... a lot of bad shit happened. A lot. A suicide, and then I sorta just reclused in on myself, and... everyone left. I literally had no one left. During that time, I began writing (I know, a cliche). I wrote about my conditions (Asperger's syndrome and all the little things that get swept along with it)…

I wrote about depression, about people dying, and I got really into game like The Beginner's Guide that told stories like this. This writing and heavy and probably unhealthy interest carried on into deep December, and during that time my best friend just... cut me off. I haven't spoken to them in months, and that's when I created Lukas, the final embodiment of me in my old stories... And then I killed him. Over and over I murdered myself in my stories, normally by suicide.… And I just didn't stop. I kept. On. Going.

I mean... I tried to do other stuff, right? Like... You're supposed to get a hobby to do while you're sad, so you forget about it? I tried everything. Songs didn't help, reading didn't help, I just imploded and kept getting smaller and smaller. I kept trying to... you know, reach out? So I submitted one more of the Lukas stories where I died. Again. And... no one cared.… I have about thirty of these stories laying around, and only in one do I believe I deserve to live.

You said tell a story on why we're crazy. Well, I am. To make matters worse, I am the cause of a death. I couldn't save them and... I could have.

I shouldn't be talking about this here. Bye.
dynsiwmper's avatar
dynsiwmperHobbyist Writer
I've replied to this privately. I wasn't expecting this sort of response to my post, but I want to acknowledge it.
1deathgod's avatar
1deathgodProfessional Writer
Thank you so much!
dynsiwmper's avatar
dynsiwmperHobbyist Writer
You're not just fighting an illness, but the stigma that goes with it. I can't fight the illness for you, but I can help with the stigma bit. Hug 
1deathgod's avatar
1deathgodProfessional Writer
Thank you. This really means a lot to me.:hug: