dumahdie

It's been at least a month since I've thought about suicide. I think I may have finally beaten back my depression. I seriously wish I could've gotten anti-depressants like two years ago. Or, you know, in high school when I wrote a poem about someone hanging themself and my teacher warned me that I couldn't write things like that or he'd have to report me to a counselor. Which just told me that I should hide it better. I still wonder sometimes how my life might be different if instead of warning me, he'd tattled instead, and maybe I could've gotten help almost a decade earlier than I did.

Anyway, I'm doing better at my job, since I have more energy, but I'm still in pain every day after work. So when I get a chance, I'll fix up my resume and search for new jobs. My friend said there are a lot of writing jobs out there. Maybe I could try for those. Who knows!

The only bad thing that's still lingering is my appetite problem. It's been two days in a row that I haven't felt the need to eat, and then by like 7pm I realize I haven't eaten all day. Like, my stomach doesn't even hurt. I made a doctor's appointment weeks ago for something else, so I'll mention it to him when I go in Wednesday and see what he says. I tried looking up various symptoms, but of course they all say CANCER!!! Though, considering my family medical history, it's definitely a possibility. But eh, I'm not worried about it.