An armored coffee table with legs

Edmontonia, dinosaurian dreadnought of the Late Cretaceous. The side-view hides how ridiculously wide and flat-topped the animal is, and also downplays the giant sets of double shoulder spikes that protrude at close to a 45 degree angle. You very much would not want to meet the business end of an Edmontonia in a dark alley...or even a well lit one.