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and I have so many things yet to show you.
none of this is beautiful when compared to hair whipping out a car window in a night
so deep and far-flung from city lights that you can see by starlight for 
miles,
desert grass desert dust sighing in the
wind chasing at the tires and the sky
oh my god the sky oh my god that
sky she calls
for only her wildest children tonight, she calls
for us to gallop against each other against each
other our shoulders brushing with canyons with coyotes like brothers
like sisters she calls
for us calls after us as we pelt free and far-flung beneath her black-blue starified belly pregnant with
planets pregnant with music pregnant with
wilder dreams than these





Edit// Wow...I don't know what to say. I've only recently come back, and my newest poems have been nothing especially original or well-executed. This one in particular I don't think was a good attempt on my part. Nonetheless, I am grateful for the kind recognition.

It truly makes me feel like I must be doing at least one thing that's right. 
____________________
I'm rusty and this isn't the best but I wanted to humor the part of me that misses this site dearly. Hello again.


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Daily Deviation

Given 2018-02-09
anfractuous. by drowsydoe ( Suggested by heartdialect and Featured by akrasiel )
:iconchaseawaythedark:
chaseawaythedark Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2018  Student Writer
This is my favorite poem I've read on here!! It's just breathtakingly beautiful and I love it so much :love:
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:icontanithlipsky:
TanithLipsky Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
 I love the writing.
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:iconcatgirldstr11:
Catgirldstr11 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2018
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:iconheartdialect:
heartdialect Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2018  Student Writer
:happycry: i'm delighted this was chosen. as i told akrasiel, this poem beckons to my dreamy, youthful side. and the language is simple yet mystical. it might not be the most polished and i have some quibbles with certain linebreaks as well but this is raw and freeing.  :hug:2 rvmp by Bad-Blood :heart: rvmp by Bad-Blood congratulations! 
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:iconwhitefeatherzrain:
whitefeatherzrain Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD!
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:icondrowsydoe:
drowsydoe Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconwhitefeatherzrain:
whitefeatherzrain Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconelementalemily:
ElementalEmily Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Reply
:icondrowsydoe:
drowsydoe Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I can't express in words (ironically) how meaningful this is to me. Your voice is gorgeous, and getting to listen to you turn my clumsy writing into beautiful song is an honor. Thank you.
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:iconelementalemily:
ElementalEmily Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Whew thanks im relieved you didn't hate it?
Reply
:iconelementalemily:
ElementalEmily Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Im sorry i was too excited to wait for a reply. Here's the link. I am not a very talented musician but i hope you don't hate it 
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:iconelementalemily:
ElementalEmily Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Is it cool if i sing this and make a recording?
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:icongameuniverso:
GameUniverso Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Maybe you're not rusty but just humorous.  Why not talk about wheels and planets?
Reply
:icondrowsydoe:
drowsydoe Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Honestly, wheels and machinery aren't things my mind defaults to when writing. That concept is really interesting though, and in hindsight, I kinda wish I had thought of that!
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:icongameuniverso:
GameUniverso Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Dreams themselves cam be suprises.
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:iconjessamar:
JessaMar Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful and invigorating.
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:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD
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:iconpoeticwar:
PoeticWar Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018   Writer
This reads a bit like an automatic writing exercise. The phrases and images aren't unpleasing, but they are also highly familiar, as are the sentiments they represent or sidle-up-against. 

So, not much here for me to grasp, really, I'm afraid to say. The linebreaks seem mostly arbitrary, though occasionally as-if-delaying-some-big-surprise. And, upon rounding the corner, the thing withheld isn't as impressive as the suspense suggests. 'that / sky', 'each / other', 'with / planets'. That sort of thing. I suppose the cross-phrasal breaking at least underscores the ouroboric/sinuous/circuitous/circle of life the title points towards.

On the plus-side, the poem is concrete in its being image-oriented, has a decent sense of the musicality of words and phrases, and also shows that it knows roughly what might be done with lineation. 

What poets are you reading at the mo?
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:icondrowsydoe:
drowsydoe Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
You're on the nose there. It was mostly for the sake of going in without a topic and seeing what the natural default was. Thank you for the criticism, linebreaks are something in particular that I need to work on, and how you experience them as an unfamiliar reader is valuable knowledge.

At the moment, I'm reading Louise Glück, Sandra Cisneros, Anne Carson, and Elizabeth Bishop. 

I'm curious. Assuming the poem is salvageable, how would you handle the linebreaks?
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:iconpoeticwar:
PoeticWar Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2018   Writer
I nearly rather pointedly wrote something like 'Gluckian' in my critique -- glad I'm not wide of the mark there. Good poets you're reading. I don't know Cisneros (or didn't -- I've since done some googling). Carson is among my favourite living poets. Bishop's obviously great. I like some Gluck (and used to more). 

Well, I don't know what it'd take to make the poem work for me. There's not much in it which resonates for me (because so much of it seems tired, one-note, etc). However, I'd scrutinise 'miles' as its own line in particular -- and also lines that tend to end on things like 'in the', 'that', 'with' and the like. I realise you're aiming for the sort of onrush-rhythm -- but it's all rather, well, twee and, like, I get the gist, feel and images (before reading them) of the whole poem in a couple lines. 

I'm exhausted right now -- so I hope this is making sense. Thanks for taking the critique as intended (not getting cross about it, I mean). 
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:iconhopeswings777:
HopeSwings777 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
Wonderful.
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:iconpansydiv:
pansydiv Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2018  Professional Writer
this is so soft and full of a feeling that i don't have a word for, something gentle and hopeful and tender and youthful and it's like, one of those feelings worth staying alive for. i don't think words can accurately convey how much i love this. 
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:iconpatchworklynx:
PatchworkLynx Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2018   Writer
OLIVIAAAAAA
:heart: :heart: :heart:
i've missed you and your writing so much!!!
it impacts me in a way nothing else can
like
magic

and the sky 
oh my god the sky oh my god that
sky she calls 
Reply
:iconthousand-streams:
thousand-streams Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful! Glad to see you back :)
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:iconivoryia:
Ivoryia Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
:clap: :rose:
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:icon1brovianthegreat97:
1BroviantheGreat97 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! That is simply beautiful!! 
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