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The Call of Cthulhu Page 12-13

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By DrFaustusAU   |   
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© 2011 - 2020 DrFaustusAU
(An updated version of these pages can be viewed here: [link] )


The Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft

For beginning readers.

Pages Twelve and Thirteen.

Previously (Pages Ten and Eleven): [link]

Next (Pages Fourteen and Fifteen): [link]
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Comments23
anonymous's avatar
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CloudRid3r's avatar
Excellent
Feigning-Ignorance's avatar
Feigning-IgnoranceStudent General Artist
The cutest Cthulhu!

I love this so much, and, as everyone else has already said, I would buy the book.
ninj4-z3k3's avatar
this series is fan-fucking-tastic, keep it up! :D
noisician's avatar
"... could think of a thing that the thing there resembled"

I love this line!
Hilarious & Seuss-y sounding, yet sanity-blasting.
chibiholic's avatar
a very clever tale indeed. i suprised that Dr. Seuss didn't do this himself. The illustrations in his books seem to be from the mythos itself, so its seems natural that this style is used to illustrate this story.
LordThrasher's avatar
Interestingly, H. P. Lovecraft was quite the poetry critic in the United Amateur. If you want extra bonus points, read his ideas about great poetry construction to see how HE would have done it (I think he'd love this).

Portions of his articles and critiques are available in "Works of H. P. Lovecraft: (150+ works) Novellas, Stories, Poems and Essays" in the Barnes & Noble online store.
demxod8's avatar
well, I think you might have a hit on your hands because you can add me to the list of people who would love to have a copy of the finished product. well done, sir.
NonieR's avatar
The idea and the art are WONDERFUL! A great series of belly-laughs as well as quiet chuckles at the details.

However, um.... You might want to get a little help with the poetry, especially if you want to publish this (which the art and humor certainly deserve!).

If you don't want crits, delete the rest of this before reading, but I'd love to see you tighten this up even further so nothing distracts the reader from how much the good stuff ROCKS.


A good way to test poetry - have someone read it out loud to you, fairly quickly, without time to stop and think about it. Any place they stumble is a problem.

Example of a GOOD verse: "When in walked Legrasse with a stone statuette, / With questions from experts Legrasse was beset." Anyone reading these lines would naturally stress the right syllables and the rhyme would come out right.

Example of a PROBLEM verse: "Why Angell believed the dreams of Cthulhu / became obvious when I read through file two." First. "Cthulhu" only rhymes with "two" if you stress the second syllable of "Cthulhu," but people normally stress the first one - so, reading that line first, they'll pronounce it normally, and then trip over the second line because it doesn't match.

But there's also the syllable pattern. You've got a nice steady beat on that first verse: "when IN walked leGRASSE with a STONE statueETTE, / with QUEStions from EXperts leGRASSE was beSET." Every third syllable is stressed, for a total of four stresses per line.

But the second example goes wacky on both the total count and the interval. Natural speech - the way it runs through a reader's head - would give us "when ANGel beLIEVED the DREAMs of CTHUlhu" (a missing beat before both the last two stresses, plus the extra unstressed syllable on the end) and then we've got too many potentially stressed syllables in the second half, because we could stress "when" or "I" or "read," and also either "file" or "two," but the total syllable pattern doesn't work right in any case. So the confused reade rmight try "beCAME obviOUS" - no, wait, that's not how you stress that work. Okay, let's try - "became OBvious WHEN i read THROUGH" - no, that doesn't come out right because the word "through" isn't that important. Okay, maybe "became OBvious when _I_ read through FILE two" - no, that doesn't fit the three-syllable pattern - and so on.

And when the reader trips and stumbles, some of the impact of your book is lost in their confusion, which is too bad. So it's worth tweaking until it moves smoothly.

Does that make any sense?

If you don't have a friend who's good with this stuff, I'd be glad to volunteer my help, because EXCEPT for the poetry glitches, this is an utter delight!
DrFaustusAU's avatar
DrFaustusAU Traditional Artist
Cheers.

I was hoping someone would mention it, so that I didn't look like a dick bringing it up myself.

I fully intend to go back through and re-edit the couplets - and I do have an explanation for the dodgy ones early on. When I started putting this together, it was just me having some fun with it. I basically started with the cover (trying to replicate the Seuss look), realised the combination worked pretty well, and decided to keep going.

Now, I appreciate some good anapestic tetrameter as much as the next guy, but when I was making the pages I was laying down some (admittedly) quick and nasty stuff, trying to include as much of Lovecraft's polysyllabic prose as possible (while at the same time trying to advance the story in leaps and bounds - my holidays were drawing to an end, and I was heading back to work in a few days :)). Rather than perfect rhymes, my main concern back then was getting the pages to look right - hence, for example, the yellowing and shadow at the page gutter.

At some point late last week someone posted a link to it somewhere (which was very much appreciated, whoever you are), and the traffic started flooding in. Once that happened, I realised I wasn't just doing it for myself anymore, and I owed it to those who liked what I was doing to lift my game - so hopefully it should improve some from here on out (while still incorporating the something special that Lovecraft's language has).

Anyways, to cut a long story short: before ever being committed to paper, the metre will definitely be adjusted.

Hopefully that assuages some folk's concerns.

Oh, and thanks for the offer - if I get stuck I'll drop you a line.

Have a good one.
:)
NonieR's avatar
Cool! And the pages really, REALLY look right, so I appreciate your priorities.

--Nonie
DrFaustusAU's avatar
DrFaustusAU Traditional Artist
(I just realised my introductory lines might appear accusatory - they aren't. I meant that I didn't want folks to think I was so egomaniacal that I believed they would want a rundown of the development of what is essentially 8 pages of work.)
Jebriodo's avatar
JebriodoProfessional Traditional Artist
I love that Moominesque Cthulhu! Terrific work on this!
JWFIV's avatar
This is an incredible mash up of two worlds completely engulfed in madness... Lovecraft and Seuss... Cannot wait to see it continued!
caffeinatedlatte's avatar
Oh, so awesome!
mechas8n's avatar
Loving this. Add me to list that will have it as a book when its done
ChaunceyMabe's avatar
Ah! How dare you eat or sleep until this is finished!
KyoufuKawa's avatar
KyoufuKawaHobbyist Digital Artist
"Esquimaux"? Seriously? :D
Jame5Gerard's avatar
Reads like EAP on acid. Impressive, dead and dreaming.
JasonMcKittrick's avatar
Will you be selling the completed book? I would be very interested in one!
SamInabinet's avatar
Splendid work, both in conception and execution. i will gladly purchase two copies, one for myself and one for my nephew! (Once i get my Pickman Portfolio done, would you care to take one in trade?)
Smiffytech's avatar
SmiffytechHobbyist General Artist
That is just, so, lost for words. I WANT THE BOOK! Truly excellent. Now I'm having Seuss-esque visualisations of other of HPL's works.
gothking85's avatar
gothking85Professional Artist
Dear Dr,
I know not when the continuance of pages are forthcoming, but I and yes the world shall be waiting. Please surge forth and dwell on the greatness you are sharing with all who enjoy your work.

thank you and good day.

D
Astarsia's avatar
AstarsiaHobbyist General Artist
loving it so far :D
anonymous's avatar
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