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I'm so so so stupidly sorry for how I've just straight up disappeared.  

I've been really tired.  Everything right now revolves around my job at Target and when I have free time, I sit back and play some games or watch youtube or a movie and just super relax.  My body is still trying to get used to working and being on my feet for hours.

So that being said, I've not really been on here much.  I've not had a lot of energy to do anything except for mindless whatnots (like the things mentioned above.)  So everything I say or do on here and anywhere else is really... really... delayed.  And things I owe are even more so.

That being said though, I am doing fine.  I enjoy my job well enough.  I get along with most of my coworkers that I tend to work with more often than others... and even with those others I get along with well enough as well.  

I feel bad not drawing or replying to things really but...  hopefully when I get more used to things I'll be able to be more active again.
I did this a while ago, like... two... three... years ago? (Totally didn't go and check nope)
Yep, it was two years ago.  I was curious to see how my answers changed, if they changed.
(My first one can be seen here, if you're curious)

Took this from :iconshorty-antics-27:

(Also, as Shorty had said, I'm not looking for RPs.  I'm only... really kinda ok with people I'm really really close to, or I have RPed with in the past and close with.  You could ask, but I'll tell you right now that the answer will most likely be no).


♥ - yea
X - nay
○ - neutral/inapplicable


Role Play Basics:



I am comfortable doing:

Comment: No.  I'd rather have the RP to be a bit more private and I don't want to have people commenting on them as well.  NOR do I want to lose the RP by accident either by it being covered up by other comments in my message center or to accidentally delete it from there.

Chats: I've not RPed in chats for like... wow... 5? years now?   I like to type a lot more than I did back then, so chats would be a bit impractical.

X? Notes: I honestly would rather not?  Notes right now for me are either for business-y stuff or for very personal/important conversations.  (Otherwise notes actually make me a tad bit anxious?  I'd rather keep them for what I use them for.)

○ Forum: Honestly, I like forums.  However, I'd rather make my own forum and just have us RP there.  Still, I'd would rather not do this.  I have a very prefered method that I have found I adore (which is mentioned below).

Skype: No.  I REALLY don't like skype RPs.  I also have had a lot of bad vibes from skype RPs in the past and just... no.  I'd much rather not.  Also, similarly to chats, I write too much now for it.

♥ Google Docs: Yes yes yes yes yes.  I LOVE using google docs.  It's like keeping a story or writing a story together and color coding and stylizing and just yes.  I VERY much would only want to use this ever, yep.  (I also prefer being able to notify each other through notes, or a message on skype or discord when we have replied back and such.  Makes it very easy in my opinion /o/)

Discord:  Similar to Skype's reply.  However, I've never RP'd on discord but that feeling from skype definitely passed onto discord too |D;

Other: I dunno any others /o/;;;


I am comfortable with:

♥ One on one role plays: Yes.  This is the only way I'd want to RP now. 

Up to three people: Nah

Up to four people: No

Five or more people: No QAQ

As big as possible!: No no no no no no no QAQ;;;;


Post Length

I usually write about:

X One or two sentences: I hate having to write so little.  No.

X One or two paragraphs: (Since "two" paragraphs is in the next option, I'll just act like this is the one paragraph).  I used to RP this short, and honestly, I can't go back.  Like... no.

○/♥ Two to five paragraphs:  My personal goal is always at least three decent sized (or bigger) paragraphs.  There are times where I have to go to two.  But I would love to always get to around five.

○/♥ More than five paragraphs: I do this only when there's actually a lot for me to say.  It's not often, but it sometimes happens.

X/○ A few pages worth: I can't do this (yet?).  Unless like, I'm told I need to set up a setting or I was given control of my RP partner's character for a moment (like... ie: to escape an avalanche or something???)  I already try to write my posts like a novel (though I don't try to let it sit for a few days and come back and edit my writing again and repeat like I would with a novel) but this would definitely be treated like a novel... So yeah, it definitely wouldn't happen often, ha.

I am comfortable role-playing with people who write:

One or two sentences:  No.  I need more to go off of!  I don't want to be stuck writing super little back either!  I just can't.

One or two paragraphs:  (I'll just go to my explanation in the next set VVVV)

♥ Two to five paragraphs: I'd want a minimum of two paragraphs.  But honestly, I'd want 3+.  For me, RPing is story making between two people, a story that neither of us will know exactly how it works out.  So more writing is nicer to continue that story making which would give me enough to reply back to as well.

♥ More than five paragraphs: ^^^^^

 A few pages worth:  If you do this, it'd be a new experience for me?  So I don't know really how I feel about it yet.

Role-play Requests

I like getting requests from:

Anyone and everyone at any time!: I'd rather not.

○ When I ask for role-plays: I really wouldn't ever publically ask for RPs.  (I'd ask someone in private, then I'd hope then I'd get the RP?  But I really don't feel comfortable even asking in private anymore either... Unless we are hella close >3>)

From friends and acquaintances: Probably not?  Like, I don't want to come off mean, but seriously I can't just do a lot of RPs and I don't trust most everyone |D;;;

○ From friends only: We have to be really close or something.  Probably close AND we rp-d in the past in places like HPM or PKMNC (which were my two main RP groups I was in a few years ago.)  Even then I might end up saying no?

Overall though, you can still ask, but like I said above somewhere I will most like decline.

Romantic Relationships

** Important: Communication is the key to a real life relationship, it shouldn't be abandoned for a fictional one either! Be sure to talk to your partners when considering romance! **


I am comfortable shipping my characters:


-Our character know each other deeply.

-Our character know each other deeply, and I know I can trust the role-player.

-At the first sign of flirting!

-Only if the role-player and I plan it.

-It depends on the character.


(I'm stealing some of Shorty's answer to this.)
Shipping is a very personal thing for me.  I (also) get super into it.  I feel a close bond with my RP partner even?  That being said, in the past I had ships with pretty much one person and I lost all those ships when we stopped speaking.  I've become very very very fucking wary about shipping with anyone again.  There was a lot of emotional distress and just...  yeah.  I would LOVE to ship again, but I really... it's something I'm not comfortable with at all anymore |D;;;  Which sucks but whatever.  So I might?  Maybe?  But I doubt I'd be down with it.

(Also yes, it depends on the character)


If you want to ship with my characters:

-Talk to me about it from the start.

-Talk to me about it once our characters know each other.

-Talk to me about it once they both have some feelings for each other.

-Talk to me about it when they finally decide that want to go beyond hugging.

It kind of depends on the character?  I have characters who are sex-workers and who are very reclusive and don't think about being in love at all.  
That being said, if my character is in a ship with another person's, I won't be drawing my character with anyone else or RPing them as if they were with someone else.  (A few years back, this kinda happened?  Like.. AU-y ish?  ...  I hurt someone this way and just... no.  I refuse to let that happen and I really don't want to see another character with my character's ship, which... yeah.)  So woo, experience again.  

I don't mind talking about things?  But like, I'd rather see how our characters are before we think any shipping... unless it was a planned thing.


When shipping my characters, I like the romance to happen:

-Swift as lightening! 

-Fast, but not super fast.

-Happens in about three months.

-Slow and steady wins the race.

-Slugs know what's up!

-They know no speed. They happen if they happen.

It again depends on the character.  So it happens when it happens.
(I do have a knack of wanting to have characters together btw.  Though that feeling has died down a lot/I keep those thoughts to myself to let a relationship blossom because getting there, I do my best to let it depend on my character or trying to slow something down a bit if it's moving too fast.) 


When my characters gets intimate, I prefer:

-To skip the act entirely. 

-To write the build up, but skip the act.

-To write the act only if it is very special, but otherwise skip it.

-To write the act all the way through.

-Tell me what you are comfortable with

Honestly, I've written smut RPs.  I've also written some really weird hardcore shit too.  I'm pretty okay with things, so it ultimately depends on the other person?   I DO enjoy writing smut (sometimes, really depends on the mood I'm in.  Like, if I'm feeling down and crappy, sorry, it's not happening).

Romantic Artwork

When it comes to artwork depicting our relationship please:

 Do not post it at all without talking to me.

♥ Post it if it is cuddles and hugs.

♥ Post it if it is kisses.

 Post it if it is much more.

X Do not post it at all if it depicts sexual acts!

X Do not post it where I can see it, but draw what you like!

YES  I love arts~!  BUT ONLY if it's canon.  Like, if my character's a bottom and now they're a top in the art?  >3>????  Anyways, feel free to post the things, though you can always talk to me about the things too, if you're unsure if it's okay too |D



** Important: Always be sure to communicate with your partner individually if you think you are about to go outside their comfort zones even just the slightest bit! **


When it comes to violent situations, I am comfortable with:

-No violence at all!
-I'm fine with verbal arguments!
-Some violence, like a paper cut, or an accidental elbow to the face.
-Mild violence, such as punching, kicking, hair pulling.
-Violence, such as stabbings.
-Beyond violence, such as torture and more.

I'm okay with all violence?  Like, I know it's a story and I'm personally not affected by it.
However, it kind of depends on the character.
I have some characters I'd rather never get hurt.  While I have some characters who are very violent.

If you are going to do something violent, please:

 Don't do it at all.
 Talk to me about it first.
 Surprise me!

Talk to me unless it was an agreement beforehand as to what we know we were getting into.

Dramatic Artwork

-Do not post any dramatic scenes that that happened between our characters.
-Talk to me about it before posting!
-Post what you like! 

Keep it canon /o/  You can always talk to me if you're not sure.  (BTW, for all these: Romance-Smut, Violence, etc. I'll probably ask you if it's okay, unless it's predetermined it's fine.)


Posting Time:

I take a while to reply back now.  I used to be quick about my posts, but now it can take me anywhere from a week to a month (or maybe even more OTL).  I TRY to be quicker about things, honestly, but I don't even look at the reply without being ready to reply back to it.  I don't need to talk about the RP, nor do I need us to be thinking about it constantly.  I just prefer you let me know if it'll take you longer than a month to reply back.  I'll do my best to let you know as well if I can't get to something quickly enough.

I think why it takes me so long now is that my drive for RPing has dwindled to a flicker where in the past it was the main thing I would do.  It's not my main thing, so I'm trying to do what I mainly want to be doing ( which is working on my original stuff and stories to finally publish and such as well as commissions because money would be nice OTL)


shorty added:


I actually don't mind going into an RP blind.  Sometimes, we just don't really have an idea of what we wanna do and starting an RP (at least for me) can spark some ideas.  My mind is most of the time on overload with stories. (IE:  I've just started a fantasy RP with my bestie, and honestly didn't have any ideas of what it would be about or what would happen.  However, after starting/working on setting up the RP, I have different ideas that, if needed, I could semi-direct our characters to or have happened like falling into a "deserted" temple in a desert that houses mummies and a cursed old king who will try to kill our little party but we could escape or finally give him peace.  That being said, I've not 100% told my bestie this idea because I know I was going to be the main person getting this to work... like a DND/Pathfinder game and being the Gamemaster for in a way?) That being said, I don't mind taking turns on pretty much being the "host" of the storyline.  In fact, I'd probably encourage that?  It's a bit fun not really knowing what's going to happen but the other person knows for the most part what will happen as well as me knowing what will happen and seeing how my rp partner reacts.   
However I also like to set up a basis of "this is the start, let's see how things go" from there on.  (Like... my rp with another person right now.  My character is a mental mess and is a bit ferally like.  She's stupidly broken emotionally and mentally and such |D  We started the rp off with their character (who's from my character's past) comes back into my character's life and see it might help her... kinda thing?) I do like if one of us kind of takes charge in this kind of situation (though in this RP I think we go back and forth in a way?) 

I personally have had bad experiences with planning something out for the most part and pushing the characters along that string of what was supposed to mainly happen.  Mainly because I refuse to break my character's character ever again.  I've gotten yelled at and drama and just... bleh. It's fine to set up ideas of what will happen, but you'd need to be hella loose about sticking that line.  (IE: you can say I love you in a LOT of different ways and each way will get a different reaction which will pull the story in different ways.)

Now is it's about something important that should or could happen (like saying I love you), then I would like to be spoken to it about. Just so we can kind of pre-plan things?  Just because these big moments are something that can break or continue an RP?  Like, we could determine to say "Maybe... not say I love you yet."  or "Man, my character is hella into you, you can totally do it and see what happens"  kinda things?


I DO need to be able to communicate with my RP partners as well.  We don't NEED to constantly talk about the RP or to each other.  But a private form of communication outside of the RP is comforting to me.  We could talk about ideas of what we have for the RP or just chat and feel comfortable around each other.  Or chat about our characters.  Things like that.  It's really a huge comfort to me as well, to be able to reach out on a messenger or something without worrying.

Pet Peeves:

-Partners not telling me their character is already taken/in a relationship/planned to be in a relationship  (This actually isn't too big of a problem with me but it's more of a nicety to know?)

-Partners not giving me really anything to respond off of!  (I'm just leaving with Shorty put.  This is a MAJOR thing for me.)

-Partners who NEVER draw our pairing but will gladly draw other pairings when I'm drawing our pairing a lot (I'm... also leaving this... though I definitely editted it?  Because it's definitely a bit heart breaking?  Like if we both just aren't drawing the pairing then cool.  That's fine.  That being said, this isn't a major thing because sometimes, I personally need to be drawing other things instead or genuinely not full comfortable drawing that pairing yet.)

-Partners not telling me if they don’t like what’s happening in the rp or think I’m taking things too fast. (I'm leaving this one too because this is EVEN MORE MAJOR.  I'm constantly worrying about this in RPs -sobs-)

-Partners seemingly losing interest but don’t talk to me about it or to try to find a way to spice it up (Like, I can understand a haitus.  Sometimes taking a break from things is nice.  Especially when you need to work on other things.)

-Partners that love to talk to me about what they are doing in other rps while at the same time rarely bringing up our own rp (DON'T do this.  I don't try to do this with my partners and I'd like the same respect.)

-Partners taking semi-control over my character without permission.  Just don't do that.  Ask me first.  I hate having to write "Well... NAME doesn't do that" or whatever.  I HATE this.

-Partners not saying they aren't comfortable with what's happening or how my character is treating theirs (ie: my character being violent).  TELL ME please.  OTL  I worry about this all the time too, especially with my more violent characters or sexual characters.

-Partners who bother me for a post/not having patience with me.  I need patience.  I'm not the fastest at replying.  I also have to build up the confidence in a way to reply back to a post, because I REALLY want to do my best.

-Partners who don't at least semi-edit/clean up their posts.  This hasn't happened to me yet, but I've spoken to one person and they type where they start a sentence and then before finishing the sentence, they start another one mid sentence and no punctuation and such.  I CAN'T do that.  I know my talking, out of writing style, isn't perfect but I do my best to edit and read aloud my posts before giving them to my partner to ensure that I don't make a 100% confusing mess.


I'm sure I'd have more pet peeves but I really can't think of anymore?
If anything is confusing by the way, just let me know, or ask me about it /o/

So I wanted to make something with Spine that I could make multiple characters using the same animation, which would be a lot cheaper than an original Spine animation I'd make.

I made one, and I was wondering if anyone would be interested?
(It's also why I was really quiet the last few days.  Been busy trying to figure things out and set up the base skeleton and the animation /o/)

Here's the sketch base I'd be going off of:
Base-button by Dreamsverse

and here's a test I did putting my monstersona, B, into it /o/

B---cuttoff-button-idea by Dreamsverse

The character would be customizable (to the extent of the base.  I can derive from it a bit but going too far will require extra fees and any add ons would cost more as I have to rig up new bones and incorporate it into the animation) and the little "magic" symbol (though it would be like... a domino or something even) is full customizable as long it's small and the color of the glow and the intensity as well.  (Also some of the pieces can be removed, like the animal ears or the front hair, etc.)

I would be asking for 40$ (+10$ for each special add on).
So would anyone be interested in this?

If not then... I won't really be offering at least this specific animation again.  I'd be exclusive to only for the rest of the month (and into October a bit to give it a full month).  (Though if I really get no interest, I'll just not offer Spine YCH things? >3>??? )

ANYWAYS, let me know /o/  If I get some interest, I'll make a proper form and such for this~! ♥
I recently saw… and it got me thinking about comments and replies (ALSO YOU'RE SUPER COOL shorty-antics-27  I just got this thought from what you posted and I felt it was pretty great to toss at the people who follow me /o/  So thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspiring this journal /o/ )

As you know, I don't really reply back to people unless they put a lot of effort into their reply (and even then I might have no social energy to reply back and then it ends up lost and I feel too guilty about how long it's been there to finally reply to it >3>;; That happens a lot.)

I'm not the most social of people.  I've become more and more closed off from people, more reclusive even.  I had gotten pretty stressed out when I had said I wanted to reply to everyone who commented back.  At times I had forced myself to reply back even though I had no energy for it and such and it just... sucked?  So at some point, I had said I only wanted to reply to comments that had thought and effort put into them (like with depth?  Idk how to properly describe this right now...)

Anyways, after reading that status (who's maker is a very amazing artist btw, you should go and look at her stuffs), it got me thinking that my lack of comments is off-putting to people?  Despite not replying to as many comments really, I actually really do enjoy receiving comments.  I know before when I was replying to all comments the best I can, I didn't really see much of a change when I didn't before and after (now) in the comments I received?  Maybe it did change and I was just an idiot and didn't notice?  

So yeah, I guess there's two questions:

"Would you guys comment more if I would reply to all the comments I could?"
"Is it offsetting or discouraging to you that I don't reply to all comments?"

EDIT: I got some really nice feedback, and it helped me a lot /o/
I'm going to do my best in replying back to people no matter how big or small >3>  But I'll do it in bursts?  And just try not to overwhelm myself with replying and my thoughts and things like that >3>;  So yeeee 
Thank you very very nicely for the feedback <333

So :iconachakwildspirit: has a pretty neat self-published book they are trying to sell.  It really sounds pretty good and I wanted to share it with you guys in case any of you were interested (or could also make a journal for them as well).

You can read about the book in the journal below~!

I saw this and wanted to give it a go /o/  Because why not?  It's Pride Month :U  rainbow heart {big} 

1. what’s your gender?
- Genderfluid.  Yep

2. what are your pronouns?
- She/her works.  It's what I used all my life, and honestly, I don't want my gender and my pronouns to be a pain in the ass.  I'm cool with she/her even when I'm more male or both or neither.  It just keeps things simple.  And I like simple in this aspect |D;

3. is your family accepting?
- Yeah.  It doesn't change anything about me or how I interact with them.  I also don't try to put any pressure on them about my gender or sexuality either (see above.)

4. what do you wish you could tell your past self?
- Uh...  "It's okay that sometimes.. you wish you had a dick.  And that sometimes, you wish you had a flatter chest.  And that it's okay to feel the complete opposite later.  And it's okay that you feel unattatched to any feminine or masculine thing and that it really doesn't matter that much.  Just do what you like and enjoy what you like and live on."  Or something like that.  It wasn't a huge issue for me... I never suffered gender dysphoria really or anything.  I was more like "Yep.. I'm still me either way.  Cool."

5. what is your sexuality?
- Bisexual/ Pan-curious.  Like, I do have preferences :U  And I do like my guys but damnnn there are some ladies I'm like <333  Yes please.  But I do know I lean a bit towards the masculine peeps, but seriously, some feminine peeps are just When the Deviation/Art/Upload is Just Right (icon) 

6. favorite color?
- Blue blue heart bullet Bullet Blue Blue Marble Pastel Blue Star Bullet Paw Bullet Light Blue (Outline) - F2U! Pixel: Blue Stary :bluewhitefire:   :droplet:  Though, honestly, I love a lot of colors.  So  anwhatevers.

7. sun gay or moon gay?
- Uhhhhhhhh I don't get this reference >3>;;  But I love the moon so, that?

8. when did you find out your sexuality?
- Oh uh.  Hmm.  When I was... 15?  I think that's when I understood it the best?  Like I dunno.  Around that time.

9. how was your day?
- Busy.  I dunno why or how I'm still awake but here I am, being a night owl when I should be sleeping and getting back some sleep energy I've been needing for a while.  We were out pretty much most of the day before supper.  Busy busy busy. (Then I watched Annahilation and it's a pretty good movie.  Disturbing and a bit spooky and gorey but I liked it.  And here I am now, being stupidly tired and not going to bed like I could be.  I make good choices.)

10. do you have any gay friends?
- Uh.  8I  I dunno?  Does my sister count?  She's gay and possibly engaged?  That situation is weird though and not my place to figure out.  But I don't really seek people out for their sexuality >3>;  That'd be weird.  And I don't think them being gay, straight, a, or anything else should determine if I'd be friends with them or would affect our possible relationship or anything :U

11. what’s your favorite hobby?
- Drawing, writing, sleeping - dreaming, making up more stories and characters, video games, watching movies, listening to music, pretending I don't exist, reading, eating... >3>  All good stuff.

12. who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?
- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmm.  I know two peeps I really like their arts and such that I look up to for inspiration.  beedalee-art and dyemelikeasunset.  (Not gonna tag them, that'd be weird.)  I love their art and such ♥  And I think their relationship is amazing and beautiful.  But My looking up to them because of their sexualities or anything?  Nah.  :U  Idk why I would do that >#>;;;;

13. which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise?
-  Uhhhhh, I dunno man.  There's a lot of them.

14. are you openly out?
- Yeah?  But again, I don't go and shout it to everyone?  Like if they ask, then sure, I'll answer.
15. are you comfortable with yourself?
-  Yeah :U

16. bottom or top?
- No idea.  I've never gotten that far with any relationships.  I /think/ I'd be a bottom?  And maybe try top?  Idk man 8I  Don't ask difficult questions.

17. femme or butch?
- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  I'm probably more feminine most of the time (Or no.  Most of the time I'm probably neither or both but next would probably be feminine).  But I do have my more masculine times and such.  You know.  That genderfluid thing is a thing.

18. do you bind?
- Bras count?  But I don't do it with the intention of what binding is.  I just gotta contain the lumps 8I.. sometimes. >#>??  (Though TMI moment:  I have gotten more comfortable bras in the last month or so, so I've been wearing bras a lot more often.  Before that, I really would just rather not.  Sometimes I still would just rather be braless |D)

19. do you shave?
- Kinda?  I don't like shaving.  I wax instead.  Waxing is longer lasting.  I DO shave my armpits when it gets annoying.  I Have waxed my legs, and my lower legs don't really grow much darker hair anymore.  I never want to shave or wax my knees.  I think my knee tufts are cute 8I;;;  I do need to wax the back of my thighs again though >3>;;  I don't wax or shave the nethers |D  Fuck that shit.  I DO wax my shoulders.  My shoulders are like... 8I  wild.  It made me really self-conscious.  I also am super self-conscious of my mustache area OTL.  And I have neckbeard that I wax and try to get rid of OTL.  I'm a hairy person -lays down-.  (I also do nothing to my eyebrows :U  I don't get the "omg your eyebrows are on fleek stuff."  Like what?  >3>;  They be eyebrows man.

20. if you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?
- Pfff Uh.  Man, I'm just not going to answer this.  (hint: almost all my monster babs I keep making up.)

21. do you have a partner (s)?
- Nah.  

22. describe your partner (s)?

(Get it?  There's nothing there because I'm not with anyone)

23. have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?
- Yep.

24. anyone of another sex?
- Yeppers

25. pastel gay or goth gay?
- >3>  Why are these gay again?  Anyways, I like both pastel and goth stuffs soooo ye?

26. favorite dad in dream daddies?
- Never played /o/

27. tell me a random fact about yourself?
- I hiccup randomly.  Sometimes it sounds fucking adorable and I wish I had a mic on me when it randomly happens.  Othertimes, it's like I'm some demonic dinosaur back to devour everything.  (Also it's almost always loud.  Sometimes it's quite >3>; )  My hiccups tend to happen if I laugh too much (wow.  But these aren't normal hiccups so shush) or if I talk too much.  (or if I just happen to breathe a little bit weird for just a little while |D )

28. do you own any pride flags/merch?
- Nah?  I'd rather get other stuff.  

29. have you ever been to a pride parade?
- Nah :U  1.) I don't think I'm anywhere near them and 2.) too many people man.  -slinks around in the shadows of her room-

30. any advice to someone who isn’t out or who are exploring themselves?
- 1.) don't let people mediate how you should be.  If you are (for example) a Transman, and still really love feminine stuff, go and be happy.
2.)  Just... enjoy what you love and be what you want.  Again, don't let people mediate what is and isn't you.  If you identify as something, and other people are saying that's not how that identity should be like/act like, fuck them.  
Don't gate keep and don't let others gate keep.  It's fucking stupid.
Alrighty, so I've been trying to convert to Sai2 (since my pieces sometimes end up to be way too big for Sai to handle.)  Everything was going pretty good, still trying to get used to the differences between Sai and Sai2 but there's one thing that I just can't get used to.  

Whenever I move my tablet pen/mouse around the canvas, there's a slight lag that happens and it makes doing anything on there almost impossible.  This doesn't happen on Sai.  I tried downloading the latest version of Sai2 and everything but it still persists and it's not from memory or CPU usage.  

So, so any Sai2 users out there, do you guys know how to fix it?

(I made a video showing what I mean.  I recommend a higher quality to see it better.  I also had slowed down the speed in the second half since it's easier to see then.)

So, I've been trying to make nice examples for a commission sheet and I realized I've a lot of different ways of how I like to draw chibis... So I was wondering...  Why not ask you guys for characters for me to test out which style(s) I'd wanna offer to you guys to give me some of your character for me to chibi-fy /o/

If you're okay with that that is.
(Essentially they be chibi requests open for me to try different chibi styles on).

  • I want to say one (character) per person, and only your original characters (no canon characters or fancharacters).  Mainly because I want to submit everything that I do just here.
  • Also nothing NSFW
  • And it can be anything: anthro, feral, human, something else.  I'll do my best /o/
And I might pick and choose (depending on how many I get and such).
But yeah, I think it'd be really helpful \o/

(BUT YEAH, Link me to the character you want me to draw /o/ )

I got a lot of characters so /o/  Thank you~!

EDIT: >3>;;  Maybe I should have mentioned that you'd need to be a watcher or something >3>;;;  Like... that'd be nice.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I've only 3 chibis left out of the 8 I decided to do.  /o/ So I should be done either tonight or tomorrow uwub
As in artwise.  I've been pretty curious about this, because I'd love to see what you guys think?  And what these people do and make and such /o/
[ Me ] Hey, Listen!  Ko.... Fi? by DreamsverseHeya guys~!  If you didn't know, I have a Ko-fi page /o/
I have also set up requests/donation requests there for Pokemans ♥  It's been a while since I drew some Pokemon and I thought it'd be cool that if you wanted, you could send in a donation with a Pokemon name for me to draw \o/
(You can also donate for how I execute the drawing /o/  Two ( 2 ) Coffees for a chibi of the Pokemon or Three ( 3 ) for a drawing of the Pokemon in my normal style/non chibied \o/)  Otherwise if you donate a coffee then I'll get to decide how I want to draw the Pokemon.  You can also send in saying "shiny" or send in a Pokemon I've already drawn. (Also please only give me one Pokemon name at a time.  This is also not for fancharacters/designs either.)

Here's an Example of what a 3 coffee donation gets \o/ (And another example ♥  Thank you for donating super much ; 3 ; <33333 )
[ KoFi ] Munna by FandomKisses [ KoFi ] Flabebe by FandomKisses

Of course, since these are just requests, you can also comment here, or there with a Pokemon you'd like me to draw.  (Donation ones will take Priority, just to let you know ; w ;`)

But I figured it'd give me a valid excuse to get to draw some Pokemon babs and help in the money department.

If you look on there, I HAVE set up a Goal for my Dentist Appointment at the end of the month.  That'd like... help and such if you donated |D;;  If not then it's ok.
You guys just be cool /o/

Gotta Draw them All~!

:star: NEW! :star: 
Hello guys~!
I wanted to add in another fun thing that I've been contemplating on doing through my Ko•fi!
On Toyhouse, there was a thread I had enjoyed joining in.  It was a "Create a Character" thread.  The person above you would comment with a sentence or two (maybe an image or something to help be inspired from) and then you would draw them a character.  Pretty simple~! (That and I really like making characters >u>;b )

I want to follow those same rules, and make you guys characters~!
Just to clarify the rules though:
  • No closed species or not universal species ( Universal species are like dragons, goblins, etc.)  I will not draw/design anything from "open species" creators on dA/FA/etc.  Mainly because 1.) it's not a species I can interpret and work with how I see fit and 2.) I'm getting a donation for it so essentially your paying me and I don't have that permission from these creators to do.  However, you can feel free converting it into a species (with permission from the original creators' of the species or whatever rules they have already).
  • One a few descriptors.  No more than 2 sentences, and an image (of something to draw inspiration from).  You can make your description as little as "angel, punk, hot pink."  Or even just let me go wild with a single word theme!
  • This is NOT somewhere where you describe your own character for me to draw.  Sorry.
  • You get to keep these characters!  However, you may not resell them for more than what you donated for, and you may not use them commercially without contacting me first.
  • PLEASE leave me a way to contact you (for example, you say your username and what site you are on.)  
That's pretty much it on the rules!
These will be colored sketches~!  For example, here's all the ones I made from that toyhouse thread: Click here for the Stash Link (There ARe some WIP shots in there as well oops...>3>; )

!~These are for 3 Ko•fi donations~!
I know, I was surprised myself, but I believe I finished my TOS.  (It might be needing adjustments but I'll have to figure that out as I go.)


Please read the TOS.  It answers a lot.
Template Provided at the End of my TOS!

I'm only going to take like... one kind of commissions at the moment.  Mainly because I have no idea what you guys would like to commission from me?
And I know... like... half a year ago, people expressed interest in...
[ Me ] Holographic Dreaming by Dreamsverse [ Em ] Holographic Autumn by Dreamsverse
[ Youtubers ] Holographic Pinkstache by FandomKisses [ Youtubers ] Holographic Loud Green by FandomKisses

THESE HOLOGRAPHIC-Y Headshot "icons"

These will be 10$
You'll get a big size 1000x1000pixel, and a smaller size if you want to use them as an icon or something.  I don't recommend taking them any lower than 100x100pixel, however, if you're wanting to use it for a 50x50pixel icon, I'll do my best to try to make it work.  (If I can't get it to work well, I'll let you know.)
(If you want a size in between the 1000x1000pixel and the 100x100pixel, just let me know.  No problem /o/)

If you are wanting to add in an accessory (like in  [ Youtubers ] Holographic Loud Green by FandomKisses with Jack's little sepctic eye Sam) it will be an extra +3$

ALSO, the cool thing about these are....

You can get them animated too!  (For an extra +7$ /o/)
These will be, no bigger than 400x400pixel and no smaller than 100x100pixel.  (You will get both of these sizes.  If you want a size in between as well, just let me know.  No problem again/o/)
For example: 


Please note me if you're interested.
Also, it'd be a good idea if you have a color tone/range/warm or cool idea for your character to mention them.

EDIT://  I know all of my examples are of humans, but I can do anthros and ferals and whatever else there is too.

If you want other kinds of commission types, please feel free to grab a sample out of my gallery (from any of my accounts) and link it here saying you'd want to see it as an option.  (You may feel free to inquire about other kinds of commissions now if you'd like. )
I just wanted to give you guys a reminder that I have other accounts on here.

:iconfandomkisses: is my fanworks account and my main RP like groups account~!

:icongoomama: is my adoptables account~!

:iconitwoi: is my stocks and other people can use stuff account~!  It has a lot of free to use (for noncommercial use) things right now, which are great for sprucing up your pages~!
- plays Link opening a chest sound-clip-

It's Moe's Toyhouse Page~!
I've worked really hard on this (at least on and off >3>  Because... you know... life and other things needing to be drawn)

Please look at it QAQ

Also if you want the code I made on your characters' profiles, I've no problem in sharing it, as long as you leave my credits at the bottom of it.
In fact, Here's my code  I ask you don't overly edit it?  And, again, don't remove my credits on it.

(The only thing I didn't get done with it was getting all her pictures logged onto it)
SHhhhh, I know I should have put this in the last journal but I didn't know what to put then yet.
And I know I'm early.  So Then I could add more later, yes.

New Years Resolutions/Hopes and Dreams for what I hope to achieve in 2018

  • Get to 200lbs  (or at least meet the 70lbs loss goal [since I upped it from 50 to 70 in my last journal] before June/July.  I'm at 40ish+ right now.)
  • Do the simple things consistently:  Shower Daily, Brush Teeth Twice a day (or at least daily), make my bed, clean room weekly ( dusting, vacuuming, and picking up. ), keep things organized. [I have... a hard time getting myself to do these things.  Sometimes I just don't see the point; other times I just feel too bleh to.]
  • Draw Daily (even if it's only for a few minutes.  Just a little bit at least everyday.)
  • Get back to tracking my food intake/calorie counting
  • Stop hurting, as in, my legs.  Right now my knee is in pain.  and my other foot has been in pain for the last 2 months and makes going on my walks hard :C  Stupid heel and stuff -sobs-
  • Read more books 
  • ACTUALLY, WRITE MORE TO MY STORIES (instead of just making more -sobs-)
  • Get a job (even though I'd rather not |D;;; )
  • Finish TOS and start taking commissions (good luck to me in actually getting any /o/  But doesn't mean I shouldn't try)
  • Do a comic (and not just Freak's Journal... which I've only one of those done right now shh.  Even if the comic is just a short story, I'd be happy with that).
  • Learn how to Gamemaker Studio
  • Try to finish big projects/illustrations
  • Finish at least 10 character pages (I'm almost done with Moe's /o/)
  • Try to reply back to everything,  (unless the comment/thread/conversation is at a logically end.)
  • Help out with family/around the house more (because I can always do more 8,I)
  • Try to talk to more people, at least especially people I know.  Possibly.  This is one I'm not going to force myself for.
  • Get Em to come visit -sobs-
  • Continue to avoid Drama problems.  I don't need that shit.  Unless it's like... story... or rp or something.  That's cool.

I'll add more if I think of any more/when I get back because I have to petsit job thing do >3>;

It's never too early!  -divas-

No, but really, I wanted to do a reflection right now.  I was doing a walk right now, which I did a mile and a lap (while listening to a few of my favorite upbeat/happy songs) in 30 minutes or so; it gave me a bit of time to just think while being vibed with goodness.  

I thought a lot about how my year had gone and why certain things didn't/won't really change and what is changing (and if it was for the better or for the worse.)

The first thing, that probably would work best for an art site, is about my art and writing and where I want to go with it.  My dream has never changed.  I still want to make stories, draw art and write these stories, and share them.  However, this past year has been a slow one, though I am grateful I'm getting a bit better doing anything compared to 2016.  I'm out of college, having graduated a year ago.  So having this year without the stress of classes probably helped me a lot in actually being mostly active. I've also figured out a style that I'm pretty dang happy with:  from the lineart to how I structure faces to how I color (though I felt pretty happy with how I colored for a little bit.  Just refining here and there.).  I've also figured out a way to be happy with drawing on paper again.  (I do promise to make a sketch dump of what I did get done in my sketchbook at some point.) I still don't draw a LOT in my sketchbook, but I'm comfortable in sketching in it now.  ♥  Still, there's no way I'm getting anywhere done with my ever lasting dream with how slowly I've been going.  For a while, I was really beating myself up over it.  I've come to the conclusion that I just need to be more chill with myself on how much I do and such.  I sketch a lot, (unless I'm really into a game then... oops.), it just doesn't tend to get shown as much because I really just want to show my finished works.  Which is why I've dedicated my twitter to posting WIPS or sketches sometimes.  It's something that I can do pretty quickly on there, compared to tumblr which I feel like I need to keep organized with tags and such.  (My <a wytiwyg="1"">tumblr (which you can find the link to my art tumblr on this page) has become more like another dA, where I only want to post my more finished work and such.  Which is fine. I don't mind.)

I've also realized there's no way for me to actually live off of my work right now.  I'm too immature in that aspect.  I've not been writing like I should be.  I'm not getting comics planned out.  Nothing.  Though, again, I'm being a bit more chill with myself because I know I'll get there.  I've already started to make a step towards that direction of sharing my stories and such.  I've recently acquired Gamemaker Studio 2 and I know I have one for sure story idea I want to execute through it.  I'm going to first make a dummy game (featuring my Hubbleton characters) just to use it as a "I'm learning and want to apply what I learn through experience of creation" kind of thing.  So I'll hopefully get that done in the next few months.  It depends.

And by, it depends, is how my living situation or such goes.  Right now, my dad's deployed (though we will get to see him soon, so that'll be cool~!).  I've been stepping in to help Mum.  Family is big for me right now.  I've not a lot of people I'm really super comfortable with here to do things with or anything outside of family.  (And no offense to anyone that I know who lives around me or that I've met in college and such.  I'll touch on my thoughts on this more later on.)  I also really want to be in my little brothers' lives.  I'm not super close with any of my sisters.  Both of my sisters have moved out already, but even before that, I wasn't really close to them.  In some cases, it was a bit stressful in a not great way.  A lot of this year has been just helping with family and doing a lot of things with them, honestly.  They've been super supportive of me and what I do.  They even have kinda adjusted their eating with me as I try to lose weight.  (Which, I've lost about 40 pounds or so.  My goal by next June/July was 50 pounds, but I think I'm going to just up it to 70 pounds.  I think I can make it >3>;  )  I really owe a lot to them and I've focused a lot of my time trying to help them out when I can.

As I was walking, I was thinking on my relationships.  I have my relationship with my family, which is pretty strong to the point I'm really comfortable with myself around them.  Then my other really solid relationship is with my bestie, Eessosis (which is why I talk about her the most.)  I feel, for the most part, really comfortable with her, though I'm hoping I'm still really comfortable around her in person still.  I don't normally get to see friends again after moving.  It'll be weird.  (Such was my life as a military brat.)  

I realized that I really don't connect with other people and I realized a few months ago that it's stressful.  But I came to understand that I'm actually pretty fucking scared to really connect with anyone anymore.  I've been hurt and hurt people.  I had taken a giant break from people, and now I've gotten to the point where it's really hard for me to open up.  Like I want to, and I really try to.  This journal's a perfect example of me trying to open up to you guys.  But I think these kind of things are pretty easy for me to write because it's just me opening up to a space.  I know I don't have a lot of active supporters/commentors.  So the fear of this actually sparking a conversation/socialization session is pretty little.  Not a lot of people tend to come to me to talk.  (Which used to bother me, but I've come to find it to be pretty relaxing.... not that I don't want people to try?)  When people DO try to initiate a conversation with me, I freeze up.  It's like I can never figure out what to say.  Even on just "That's really cute!" or whatever comments on my images causes me to freeze up still.  It's pretty embaressing.  I've gotten pretty chill for the most part, and in some cases, a bit more confident.  And I'm forever sorry for being a piece of shit and not replying back sooner or being able to hold a conversation.  I WANT to. I genuinely do.  It's just something I need to work on.  Or I need to sit down and tell myself that I don't want to connect with anyone really (which sounds bad, but really it isn't.  My "wanting" to form connections of something pretty solid so I can feel really relaxed and comfortable around the other person has me looking at most comments as "this has a 50% chance of spawning into a conversation that might cause a connection" instead of just "hey that's really nice."  It makes me feel rude to not try to hold a conversation... when I'm sure more people are probably just wanting to say what they thought of a picture or whatever.  I end up really beating myself up, because this want I half personify on the other person.  Which is bad.  And shameful.)

What's worse is that I DO have some connections/socializing I try to do with my lovely pathfinder group (whom you should go love.  these guys are the best: 113420 , rakadishu , Myan149 .  Go give them love.  They deserve it.)  For example, I really like these guys.  They are super kind to me.  They are patient and pretty chill with me.  But I feel stupidly guilty because I feel like such a problem.  And I know they tell me I'm not, and I DO believe them now.  It just can't shake the feeling yet.  I've not played a game with them in months, and I know its my fault.  When I'm busy, they aren't and when they're busy I'm not sometimes and it's just a butt :U  But there's also the other side of it where I know it's okay, because we can play again at some point.  (Unless they don't want to anymore because it's been so long, then that's completely fine.  I understand that.)  We can be patient and until we can all play together sometime and such.  I'm pretty sure they are cool with that.  It's mainly just a war within myself that I have to keep reminding the negative nancy side of myself to chill out.  (SERIOUSLY though, you guys are great.  And I'm sorry that I don't talk much.  I've still the problem with convesations and such yeah OTL....)

And I've got a connection that I desperately cling to with Yufika and GrazArts . These two peoples are the best, go toss love at them too.  And I love them alot. But I still struggle to get myself to actually talk.  (Like I have a letter thing going on with Yufi and I see the PM.  I know it's there.  And everytime I see it it makes me stupidly happy.  But then I'm like...   "Ahhhhh---- -freezes- Idk what to say."  I SWEAR I WILL REPLY TO IT AS SOON AS I DON'T FREEZE UP LIKE A DINGUS  And I've not spoke with Graz in a while.  And I had asked for a haitus on our RP like... a year or two ago that I still want to get back to at some point but I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to.  Because, holy shit, that's a long time to wait for an RP reply.  - lazes-  (Seriously, I'm sorry to you two a lot QAQ ;;  You guys are great.  Just being cool. Yes.)
And like.. there's other connections I'd like to hopefully build/rebuild and such.  Butjust... uhhhhhhh

I know, with these cool peoples, all I really need to do is sit down and just... chitty chat with them.  I just wish I didn't freeze up and then end up feeling super tired trying to talk.  They are cool, and I wanna talk with them.  Work with me, me >:C
A lot of this is just my own problems.  Like, it's really not anyone's problem but mine.  I'm just glad that I can work on pinpointing on my problems a bit more.  I feel like I've gotten a bit better at it.  There's times where I can sit down and just reply to comments.  Or even better, when I can comment on other people's stuff pretty easily.  So I give that as a mini triumph.  I just hope it grows.  And I just ask for patience with talking with me. I'm trying to get back to most everything eventually and not just... delete a comment or anything.  I'm getting there.

Emotionally and mentally I've been doing a LOT better.  I'm eating better (kinda herp herp), and the excercising has been great for my inner being a lot.  I feel more.. Up than I do Down. (Or at least neutral-up.)  [ In case you didn't know, I've developed a personal scale to measure how I'm feeling.  Up-Up, Up, Neutral-Up/Up-Neutral, Neutral, Down-neutral/Neutral-down, Down, Down-Down.  It helps me a lot, especially on Down days.  I can just take a breath and just tell myself "It's just a Down day."  Up= Positive/feelings/etc. moods and Down = Negative moods/feelings/etc.  I've figured a healthy range for normality is Up to Down-Neutral.  Down days are ok only once in a while.  Too many of those are bad and I have to figure out a way to fix whatever is causing consistent negativity.  Down-Down days are like... full blown depression.  I DON'T want those, no more no thanks.  Up-Up days are dangerous.  They tend to happen when I'm really tired or emotionally unstable.  ]   Anyways, I'm feeling better with myself.  I'm smiling more.  I'm more willing to do things.  Which is helping everything above.  I still struggle to get myself to ensure that I'm in a better state though.  Like showering.  Right now, I've not showered for two days again.  It's sometimes hard to convince myself to do it.  (But I know once I do, I feel better... And I'm off to shower at... yep... 2 in the morning, go me.  There goes my sleep schedule :U)

All in all though, this year has been, for the most part, on an incline to better.  /o/  I'm just sorry I'm forever slow still. Hopefully that'll change as I go.  (Unless I end up with a job.  Then... I might be slow as hell still. HRMMMMMMM)


1.) Cute art.
2.) Awesome designs
3.) Cool person.

And they are doing a raffle for their watchers... which you should check out >3>  And their stuff.  Because you should be watching them already, duh :iconfliphairplz:
It seems like Kitsudon is having a bit of financial problems /o/ so, go commission her ye. Her art's really pretty.

I have realized I've not made a monthly thing/update since the first one and this journal is very much not that again.
Instead I just wanted to let peoples know that I have some adoptables over on :icongoomama: that would be cool if they got homes and such >3>;

(Holy shit these guys have been around since 2014 herp):
 Micey Things [OPEN] by GooMama
Foxy Floofy [ OPEN ] by GooMama
Bunny Hands 1 [ O P E N ]! by GooMamaBunny Faun [ Open ] by GooMama
Sewn Imp  [ OPEN ] by GooMama
And then I just added this guy~!
Dragon Fly Cat [ Open ] by GooMama

So... yeah \o/  Just kinda advertising myself.
I want to make more adoptables but like >3>;;;  I need to actually sell some or something.  Or else it's kinda pointless for me to put so much work in these guys, ya know?
I know CheruCheriPie kinda has a thing where she does this lil status update on life or whatevers and I've been thinking, maybe this should be a thing I do too?  Especially since I seem to always be not active and not social.

(Also if you don't know I might just end up rambling in these as well.  Like below.)  

Like, I want to be more social.  And I've been thinking on as to why I get so anxious about replying, or just anything socialize.  At first, I thought it was just because it's way out of my comfort zone.  I've figured I'm an introverted person.  Other people have said I'm just shy.  Other people say I have social anxiety.  Might be all of them, or none of them, I dunno.  All I know is I have a hard time replying to things, or holding conversations with people, both online and off the net.  The only people I have no problem with talking with and spending time with are people I know well:  my immediate family and my bestie, Eessosis.  I talk to them all the time. So it's not like I'm /not/ social.  (Though there are times where I just want to not talk to anyone and I tend to go read a book or put on a movie or something.)  But anyways, I've come to realize that these people are my greatest social supporters.  As in, once they aren't in the picture (online: they aren't in the chat room/ offline: they aren't close by), I immediately feel exposed and vulnerable;  this causes me to try not to open myself up to other people.  

Like, I have this really amazing pathfinder group of people, okay?  And I LOVE playing with them.  I think they are the coolest people and it's super fun hanging out with them.  But I completely freeze up all the time, to the point that I can't get myself to reply onto the discord chat we have (especially if I don't see it right away, then I really have a bigger hard time.)  And I honestly know that these people are great and I shouldn't freeze up like this around them.  And yet I still do.

I know that this has gotten worse as time goes by, unless I have moments like these where I just don't care (or I feel too good to feel that anxiousness take over), where I have no problem rambling about myself.  (I actually like talking about myself -divas-.  At least, I've come to realize this.  However I don't always feel super comfortable doing so. So I tend not to.  And as such, I tend to put myself down for it.  Not, like, purposely.  Just I know I'm not a super interesting person.  Hell, most of the time I'm just in my room being a dork, not much to go off of there.)

I know I shouldn't feel like this.  Because it's stupid.  And I should be going around more confidently.  But I really am not that confident a person.  And I'm also trying really hard not to get super attached to people who might just... poof, for one reason or another.  Or to get really really hurt again.  I really don't want to go through getting hurt badly again. Especially since I've been doing really really well with myself.

I feel a lot more happier. Like, I have this scale on how I rate my days:
Up Up (or more Ups if it needs it)
(Up Neutral) Neutral (Down Neutral)
Down Down (or more Downs if it needs it)

For me, Up to Down days are normal and needed.  I can't be happy all the time, or so happy that I'm stuck in a weird overly confident/excited spot.  That can be dangerous for me, and other people.   However, so Up Up moments are healthy too.  As the opposite, I shouldn't be stuck feeling bad for a long time, or horrible for a super long time either.  It can also be dangerous/unhealthy for me and other people.
So most of the time, I tend to be have a Neutral day.  But I've realized my Neutral days can also lead into a "blankness" for me emotionally.  I used to hate feeling really "blank."  However, my "blank" or lack of emotions has dwindled a lot now.  I tend to feel content more than anything.  Or just, comfortable, or safe.  Relaxed.  

I feel that's a good spot to be.  And I worked stupidly hard with myself to get myself in a better emotional state; I'm proud of how far I've got in the last two years.

I just know, socially, this will take me a lot longer.  I can do the brief, "Have a good day" when I buy something or whatever.  But other than that, it's so terrifying?  I can't think of the best word for it.  I want nothing more than to vanish into a wall or something.  (And I've also looked back on myself when I was younger and this has been a thing for a while, but it was never fully this bad.  It got to this bad, but never stayed, ya know?)  

It'll just, take me longer to feel more comfortable with being more social, especially with people I don't know that well or am that actively talking with.  But I know there was one thing that I used to do a lot that helped me break out of my shell a bit more: streaming.  
When I would stream, I would feel anxious, but it was something that I managed to deal with.  And when I would stream more often, it felt like the people who came to my streams and would chat and such were super supporting and such.  Not just of my art, which I'm glad there are some people who enjoy what I make, but of me personally.  Like, I didn't have such a hard time with talking to people after a while when I streamed.  I think this is the step I need to make again, streaming, to help with my social-troubles/energy.  (I also think I have low social energy still but that's fine.)

My only trouble is, I have no idea when to stream.  My days tend to be like this:
Wake up (8-10am)
Go to neighbor's and let out their dog [It's a kinda job so woo |D] (10-11am)
Come back, have lunch/Or walk first (11-2pm)  (In this time, I might actually just talk with Mum or something or play some Skyrim or Draw or Watch some Youtube/TV as well.)  (This is also the the time that if  Mum wants to do some shopping, I go to help her.  
Go back to neighbor's and dog again (2-3pm)
Come back and help with boys if needed, otherwise I have some time to myself again (unless we all go somewhere, which can happen) (3-5pm)
Help with supper and eat the supper (5-6:30pm)
Go and water plants (though  I dunno if we are going to anymore now.  Mum's tired of having a buttload of veggies that we can't eat and we can't seem to find anyone to give them to) (6:30-7pm)
*Watch AGT (On Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I spend this time with Mum ♥) (7pm+)
Time for myself/help get boys to bed (7-9pm)
Go up and spend some time with Mum again/away from the computer (9-10/11pm)
Get to bed because I tend to be tired (11-12/1am)

And during all those times I have to myself, especially after the boys come home, I might be get peoples coming to me on and off.  (There's a lot of times where I say I spend time with Mum.  I know.  But I know she's lonely a bit right now with my dad being deployed.  She only gets to talk to him for 15 minutes in the morning and another 15 minutes at night each day.  So I try to keep her company sometimes.  Even if it just means I'm sitting in the living room with her watching TV while she plays solitaire on the computer.  She ends up getting a random thought and starts talking about it.  Or we make plans for supper or anything like that for the next day.  Things like that.)
I also don't feel like 2 hours is enough time to really stream.  Especially since some of the art work that I want to be working on takes me 10 hours minimum to work on.  And I want to make bigger pieces.  

...  (I have to go shower really quick while I was in the middle of writing this and I forgot a lot of what I was going to type. HRMMMMM)

But yeah uh.  
Less rambling about all that? Perhaps?  Like, I feel like I was trying to justify myself after rereading some of the stuff I just wrote up there.  It's just been on my mind a lot, and I think dA, and places like dA, are effected the most because of my lack of socializing.  Either way, it's just my ramblings, so feel free to not focus on it.  I'll be continuously contemplating my social skills and such.  All my ramblings up there was just what I've been noticing and pinpointing in my thoughts as I try to figure out a way to feel less... pushed in the middle of a spotlight when I try to socialize. |D;

BUT LET'S ACTUALLY GET TO THE MONTHLY UPDATE THING, YEAH?  I think I'll do these on the 8th of the month, if I keep with it. That's the same time I weigh myself each month to see how I'm progressing with my weight loss.

WHICH IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, I've been working hard on losing some weight.  I know a couple times in the past I would attempt to lose but then I would give up.  However, I've managed to have a plan on what I do that got me to actually see myself lose some quickly, but not too quickly (since that's unhealthy, ha).  
My main rule:  1,000 calories (though now I'm lenient if I go over a little bit, but no more than 100 calories).
My second rule, that Dad had helped me get into before he left:  I have to walk for a while. 
My third important rule that I had to follow:  weigh myself every month (on the 8th) at the same time (1pm) and record it
My last optional rule:  I'm allowed to have 1 cheat day once a week if I want.

At first, everything sucked and I hated it.  But now, I'm not always hungry, and I can walk farther and faster without 1.) my feet being in pain and 2.) getting tired so fast.  
I had started off walking slowly with my dad every day in the morning around the block, which is a half mile just about.  I had hated it and my feet would be in hell it seemed.  However, now I can easily walk it quickly.  (Though since my first walking partner is in the middle of nowhere and my second walking partner (my little brother) has elementary school again, I tend to just walk on the treadmill which is boring as hell but whatevers.)

After doing this, I've become much more confident (though I'm still a coward for the most part and I try to avoid my problems, sorry guys).  I also don't really see that much of a difference but Mum says she can see a difference.  I can only tell (not using a scale) is that a lot of my clothes are... uh... much looser XD.

I started May 8th on this weightloss plan I made for myself at 311lbs.  (Yes, now you know >3>;)  Now, in my last recording I have in my notepad here:  I weigh (on September 8th) 271.6 lbs.  And I'm still losing.  It's averaging about 10 pounds a month.  My over all goal for next May was to have lost 50 pounds.  (I'm already at 40 so woo, my goal will most likely met ha.)

I can't wait to wear some cute stuffs /o/  Or just get different things.  There really isn't a lot of stuff I'd wear right now that comes in "my size."  Most of it doesn't fit right, or I just feel like I look stupid in it |D.  But I have some clothes I had kept from years and years ago that I'll get to wear again.  And some of it is ♥  I can't wait to wear things and not be super self conscious about what's actually visible.  Like, don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone my size is "bad looking."  And I know I should be comfortable with myself, but I just... am not?

Like, I want to be able to go on a hike to take pretty pictures without being stupidly out of breath.  And things like that.  It's embarrassing for me for what I want to be able to go out and do.  I'm just glad I'm getting results for my hard work to get into a more healthy state physically (I'm obese guys.  It's pretty damn hard to do the things I wanna do).

Big people love though, for those who love themselves on their size.  But if you don't love your size, go ahead and work on it.  No damn shame.  Not everyone has to love what they have at this moment.  (And no, I'm not being "influenced" but the beauty thing or whatever.  I don't want to look like most of those beauty peoples.  I'll still be "fat"  I just won't be obese. -divas away-)

I'm really ecstatic though.  I got some goodies from Japan, which I don't know if I've told you guys about.    One of my dad's coworkers over there got some goodies from his wife (who's stationed in Japan).  This guy shared with some of the other guys, including my dad.  As such, Dad asked if there was a way to send me a box of goodies ♥  They have my eternal thanks ahh ♥  

Also, for supper a couple days ago, I got the boys to make riceballs with me :dummy:

(That one is my second one.  It looks bad, but it was yummy as hell >:C)
We had BBQ pulled chicken to put into the riceballs.  My older little brother, Ian, had some inside his.  My younger little brother, Joel, just wanted a plain riceball.  Which was fine, it was more for the experience of making the riceballs.  Ian tried some seaweed with his and liked it ♥  (And the seaweed was actually good quality stuff so it didn't taste like crap, so double ♥ )  It was yummy, even if it was messy and not the best looking.

I ALSO got some of my Christmas stupidly early.  I had gotten myself a lot of Undertale goodies ♥

I got most of what I picked out.  Some of the other things is Preordered so I won't get them for a bit but yessssss.  Now I can leak my love of this game into my physical presence, instead of just gushing at Em about it forever on and off.
-yesses forever into the distance-

UH....  I also have gotten into Skyrim again.  Anyone who has me on steam (which if you want to add me:…  I don't talk much on there.  I also will ask you to NOT give me games.  Please ask first.  I also will not be giving out games unless I really want to.  Don't ask.) can clearly see how much I'm into that game.  I love Skyrim a lot too.  It's also one of my favorite games >3>  Yes.

If you haven't heard, I've started a group :iconthestateraportum:  I've been working on the map at the moment, and it's really hard.  Maps are hard guys.   But most everything behind the scenes (writing wise) is done.  We just have to rewrite it to make it not look like a bunch of notes >3>  But right now I was just working on arts.  It'll take a little bit to get up and running, but once it does, it'll be a pretty relaxed group.
I've been wanting to kinda get back into RPing.  (And to reply to the one RP I have that's been in Haitus for months now because of me.)  And like, I just wanted a chill place.  I also know that Em, who's co-founder of the group, also wanted a relaxed chill group as well to also help her get back into RPing.  So it's like, perfect ♥  
I can't wait to make even more since that's exactly what I should be doing and place characters into there. ♥

But I can't think of much else to put into this possibly monthly thing that I might or might not do.    I've been working on this for the last 3 hours (showering took some time and Mum needing me to help).  I'll try not to ramble AS much next time?  Or just toss out a lot of thoughts that have been circling in my head possibly?  I dunno.  I'm doing pretty good.  Wish I knew what we were doing for supper (I've not eaten Lunch yet so....  >3>) 
I'm sorry art takes me forever.  
That's something I need to get back into as well.
(And sorry for taking forever to reply to comments.  I... I'm trying.  I promise.  And that note.  I will reply back.  I swear.  I just dunno when).