Normalize Suffering

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Follows after: 

(Big ol' story incoming)

Trigger warnings: vague descriptions of abuse, swearing, reference to a male appendage.

     Jarin heard things he wasn’t supposed to. He was in the wrong places at the wrong time. He got off work earlier than usual and decided to go ahead to the stables to wait for Tristan; his shift would begin soon. This barn didn’t even house any of the western horses anymore. So why did Sydney and Justin come into it? It was a dumb reaction of Jarin’s but he was so trained to avoid Sydney at all costs that he stuffed himself into the storage cabinet and held the door shut!
    Justin leaned on the counter above the cabinets Jarin was stowed away in, “Well, I mean, you’re the one that took the job.”
    Sydney scoffed, “Don’t fuckin’ start with me. I’m fuckin’ lucky I can even have this job back.”
    Justin sighed, “Ain’t that the truth…” He lowered his voice, not wanting anyone outside of the tack room to overhear his conversation, “Seriously, you need to make things right with Jarin. Not just for the sake of your career but if he really meant that much to you, goddamn, you owe him somethin’.”
     “Don’t tell me shit I already know…”

    Make things right? How could he do that, Jarin wondered? From what everyone kept telling him (everyone being the few people that even knew anything going on: Tristan and Elias; Lukas had an inkling something had happened), there was nothing left for Sydney to do to make anything right. He was a bad guy, it was a bad situation, bad things happened. Why did Justin even care? Jarin glowered at the thought. He was probably trying to get into his dreams again and do those gross things to him.
    “Ah-!” Jarin stared at the saddle pad that he had laid over Arthur's back. He blinked and blinked again. The saddle… His blood went a little cold. He had taken his saddle home to clean it and oil it but because he came here straight from the coffee shop - HE FORGOT IT! Tristan had already gotten there and told him to get ready! Oh no, no, no… He wouldn’t let Jarin live this down - it had to be that saddle. He told Jarin not to forget it! Several times. Oh no. He had to get it!
    But that meant he had to get a ride to his house! It wasn’t that far! He damn sure wasn’t going to ask Tristan! Then he’d know! Jennie wasn’t in her office. Sydney was - no, why would he even consider that. That meant…  he had no choice. Jarin clenched his fists and stormed to the outdoor arena. It was the last place he wanted to be. Sydney was, of course, in the ring working a horse, no doubt. And who was perched on the railing, watching? None other than Justin McBride.
    Justin noticed Sydney’s posture change next to the horse. He looked around and almost fell off the rail to see Jarin bringing a storm cloud their way! He looked between the two and grinned. It sure was something else to see them both trying so hard to ignore the other. They weren’t fooling anyone. He stayed where he was, not wanting to detonate a nuke or something.
    Jarin stopped short of Justin, head hung and bristled up like an angry dog. He didn’t want to stoop this low but he just didn’t have any options at this point and he needed to go quickly. He grinded his teeth together and grumbled.
    Justin smiled nicely enough, “Wha was that, J-man?”
    Jarin glared up at him. “…give me a ride,” he hissed.
    Curious, he swung around and landed on his feet in front of Jarin. “What kinda ride we talkin’ here? Pony ride? Or-”
    It took everything in Jarin not to swing a punch and cripple Justin on the spot. He took a deep breath but held his ground, “I need a ride to my house.”
    Justin was baffled why of all people here, he was the chosen one. He hesitated to oblige, “Well, aight, if ya need a ride- Syd!” Justin called out to the ring, “Jar, here needs a ride home! Lemme have yer keys for a sec!”
    Sydney brought his training to a halt. He couldn’t help but look at Jarin. He felt a little tinge of concern. Why the fuck would he ask Justin and well. Right, why would he ask Sydney? He’d literally ask the person he hated the most for a ride before him…maybe Justin wasn’t the person he hated the most anymore… Sydney walked the horse over to the railing and tossed his keys to Justin, never taking his eyes off Jarin. He wouldn’t even look at him… Not even so much as an acknowledgment. Sydney called out, “Jar-“
    Justin caught the keys and started for the parking lot, “Let’s get a move on JarJar! No need to wait around!” Justin glared over his shoulder at Sydney. It was a very clear ‘shut your fuckin' mouth’ look.
In the parking lot, Jarin climbed into Sydney’s truck as Justin fired it up. “Make it quick, please. Tristan’s waiting on me.”
    Justin hit the road and set the truck at a nice pace for town. Justin talked about everything he could imagine. Much to Jarin’s relief and surprise, he never once said anything about Sydney or about Tristan. It was like he was purposefully leaving it out of the conversation – not afraid of the subject but respectful. It wasn’t his place to be unless invited. It seemed to be the only topic where personal space was respected by Justin.
     Jarin was grateful. He didn’t want to talk about any of it with Justin…still…Justin had said there was a lot to clear up about Sydney… And what he had heard in the tack room earlier had Jarin’s attention. Justin spoke a little less on the way back, now with the proper saddle in tow. It made Jarin uneasy. He felt like he was waiting for Jarin to say something. He knew what he’d ask but Jarin just didn’t want to. It still stung. But he wanted to know. The mystery was killing him.
    “Justin…”
    Justin knew it was time, “Yea, J-man? What’s up?”
    Jarin hesitated but couldn’t keep it in, “You said there were things you wanted to clear up about Sydney…” Jarin needed to know. He couldn’t take it much longer. The guilt and confusion was too much for him to bear. He exhaled deeply, “I…I wanna know but…I don’t want to talk to him…”
    Justin relaxed his posture, “He don’t need to be there. I just want you to hear the full story, is all. It don’t make him a better man but at least, maybe you’d understand why it happened.” Justin hadn’t really prepared a speech or anything. He kind of hoped Sydney would be the one doing this but how he handled things… no, it was probably better this way. Where to start?
    “I’ve known Sydney since we were lil’ boys catchin’ bugs to scare our mommas back in Texas. I’ve been there for everything. When he broke his first bone. When he got his first girlfriend. When he raced his first truck. When he crashed his first truck in his first race… When he won his first championship buckle. When he married his wife, Krissa.” He noted how Jarin tipped his chin down and retreated in his seat. Poor guy really never knew. Justin figured that was a good place to start. No need to beat around the bush forever. “Five years,” he continued. “He’s been nothin’ but faithful to that woman for five years. Right up until you came along. He’d never even dream of anyone else in his life after he married that woman. They were high school sweethearts. Five goddamn years…I can’t tell ya what changed in that household but somethin’ broke. Krissa changed.  And so did Sydney.”
    Jarin muttered a response he never imagined but it was a culmination of all his frustrations and confusion, “I wouldn’t have had any part of it, had I known. He lied to me. I never lied to him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.”
    Justin nodded, maybe surprising Jarin that he agreed but it wasn’t like Justin thought the situation was okay, “Nah, I wish you hadn’t either. Ain’t right to drag an innocent party into that. Because here’s the thing…she’s pregnant and-“
    “I heard you before!” It still stung Jarin. He just couldn’t understand how Sydney could just destroy something like that! “You don’t have to remind me! I’m an idiot, I get it! I thought he liked me but I was just some joke to him! I get it! Well, I don’t want to play his game anymore! I’m not his toy! And I don’t have to forgive him!” This was stupid! He didn’t need to hear any of this! There was no good reason for what Sydney had done! There was no making it right! Jarin felt anger he didn’t know he was capable of, “What do I matter anymore when he has a wife and kid to fall back on!? I’m not a part of anything to do with him anymore!”
    Justin was really surprised at Jarin’s outburst. He’d never seen the kid so passionate about something! He had every reason to be! He didn’t blame him one bit! But he was here to set the record straight, “He ain’t stayin’ with her. He’s divorcing her.”
    Jarin was taken back by that, his mouth hanging open, “But…” The anger flared again, “He has a kid! He can’t just leave!” He didn’t know Krissa personally but she shouldn’t have to raise his kid all on his own while he got off free! How incredibly wrong could Sydney really be!? In everything he did!
    Justin eased a sad smile on, “Well, the thing is…it ain’t Syd’s kid.”
    Jarin didn’t know if he felt shocked or enraged – maybe a form of denial, “If she’s pregnant then it’s his child. How else woul-“ Jarin stopped talking and stared out of the windshield of the truck, holding his saddle to his chest. He was a slow one but even Jarin could start to formulate the truth. Jarin looked over to Justin and shook his head in denial.
     Justin kept his eyes on the road, tipping his head to the side and sighting, “She’s pregnant with another man’s kid. Has been for about 5 or 6 months now.”
    Jarin shook his head again. Everything was so wrong. Everything he ever knew about love, relationships, marriage - it was all wrong. Why did people who said they loved each other do this? Why was something so beautiful so painful? Was anyone he loved going to hurt him? Or was he going to be the one to hurt them instead?
    Justin really did feel bad for Jarin. He kind of reminded him of Georgie. Just young and naïve to some of the darker things in life. Lied to and hurt by people that didn’t have their best interests in mind, whether they would admit it or not. They didn’t ask for this kind of hurt, nor did they deserve it. But some of the worst things happened to the best of people.
    Jarin couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He was heartbroken. Maybe it never healed from when Sydney shattered it the first time. All this time he had been moving in on Jarin, getting close to him, bedding him - his wife was cheating on him too. “Did he know the whole time?” Jarin sniveled, wiping the tears from his cheeks.
    “Seems like it. She told him to his face that it wasn’t his kid,” Justin answered somberly.
    “So then why…why did he stay with her?” He just couldn’t grasp it. Everyone around him told him to stay away from bad people. Krissa…she was a bad person. Wasn’t she?
    Justin sighed, “Well, it ain’t ever easy. Krissa ain’t leavin’. See, Syd’s tryin’ to divorce her but he ain’t got a leg to stand on against a pregnant woman that says otherwise. I got a bad feelin’ Jar-bear. She don’t take gettin’ pushed in a corner real well. She’s got a temper and I’m thinkin’ she’s gonna be fistin’ Syd’s asshole ‘til he’s got two black eyes. If she ain’t takin’ everything he’s got in the divorce, she’ll get him on child support, I dunno how all that goes down but it ain’t soundin’ good.” Justin sighed again, “It’s all love and happy endings ‘til the big D splits up families. It’s fuckin’ sad to see two people ya knew all yer life just… fuckin’ rot into these spiteful sons a’ bitches.”
    Justin was agitated too. He wasn’t nearly as involved in it all like Jarin was but Sydney was his friend. Still was, as much as he kind of hated to admit. It was still taking a lot in him to look past the shit he pulled. But it wasn’t without provocation. Still the wrong answer but Justin, at least, understood what pushed him there. He glanced over to Jarin and frowned, returning his eyes to the road. “He still shouldn’t have done those things to you, Jarin. I ain’t never gonna support what Syd did to you, I just wanna let you know. In no goddamn way were any of the things he did alright. He acted like a damn child. And I don’t expect you to ever forgive him. All I wanted you to know is what got him to that point. And he ain’t never gonna say it but… I’m sorry, Jarin. I really am.”  Justin paused for a moment, choosing his words wisely, “I think…he really wanted something more with you. I can’t say what because I don’t really get what the hell he was doing but…I think he really thought you could save him.”
    Jarin’s chest tightened up and his lip trembled. “Save him?”
    Justin’s shoulders slumped as he turned back into the parking lot of the stables, “I told ya. I’ve been with him through it all. I can tell when he’s hurtin’. And he’s hurt bad, Jarin. He lost his wife, she pitched his heart right back at his face like she didn’t even care, he tried to lean on you for support which I don’t think was the right thing to do but when he found out you had a fling of your own with someone else…well, you can see why he might have felt the way he did…” Justin hung his head, parking the truck.
    The guilt came right back up - it was never gone. It stung. Jarin had been right all along. He had really hurt Sydney. He was no different than Krissa.

     'Do you know how shitty you’ve made me feel? You just chose another man over me!’

    It didn’t make Sydney right either.

    ‘Does everything I’ve done for you mean nothing, Jarin? Are you that fuckin’ conceited to think I’m worthless?’

    It was just love.

    ‘So long as someone fucks you, you could care less who’s on the other end of that dick. Isn’t that right!?’

    Love was hurting everyone.

    Justin couldn’t leave this kid like this. “Hey, I don’t wanna make any decisions for you or try to change your mind on anything. What Syd did to you was never okay. Sure, his home life was pretty shitty but that doesn’t mean he gets to go takin’ it out on you. I don’t know what he sees in you but if he thought you were going to be the one to move on to then I don’t think-“
    Jarin cut him off, his words muffled against the saddle, “Did I make him feel better!?”
    Justin raised a brow, “Well, I mean, I sure think he thought you’d take his mind off things. But look-“
    Jarin wiped his tears away, “Then I did my job, Justin.” Jarin sat up straight, pulling off the seat belt, sniffling and wiping more tears away.
    Justin wasn’t sure he was following, “Job? Now wait, you aren’t actually okay-“
    Jarin pulled open the truck’s door and stepped out, “Sydney needed me.”
    “Sure, but, what? No-“ Justin got a real bad feeling in his gut. Sydney didn’t need shit from Jarin. He was just being a selfish sore loser for losing his wife to another man. And then a selfish sore loser for losing his side bitch to another man…What the hell was Jarin trying to prove by taking this on his shoulders?
    Jarin thought he had a better understanding now. Everyone caught up in this love thing. Just waiting to be hurt or do the hurting. No one wanted it to be that way. They didn’t choose to be hurt or inflict it. It was just a part of the process. It was Sydney’s choice to leave Krissa just as it was Tristan’s choice to leave his fiancé. As Jarin understood, he could make a choice too. Make the rules, as Elias told him. And make sure everyone involved understood what they were.


(2852 wordcount)
she big.

tldr with with minimal spoilers:
Jarin and Justin have a talk
Justin explains wtf Sydney has been up to - including wife and baby talk
Jarin is mads/sads/broken boy 
But at least now he has the full picture of what happened to Sydney and why it blew up in Jarin's face

Previous: Chasing Shadows | Next: Job Opportunity

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FFFF- Helsinge I forgot all about the body hair - you are spared this time xDD

ANYWAY
So, now the full story is out to Jarin. He knows about Krissa, the baby, the divorce, and that Syd did probably have feelings for him. Maybe. That's yet to be actually said by Sydney. 
I don't think we cured anything here :''D I think Jarin took a step backwards with progress from this. That wasn't Justin's intentions and now he has regrets like he should have said more or in a different way. He knows how gullible Jarin can be... 

Dramas~ 

This was to push the story along some more so have weird symbolic art that's just here for eye candy : D 
Kinda hurried through it to get something done. I have lots of story stuff I want to get done! (because that's what I like making art for anyway - stooooryyyyy~) Thanks for stopping in   

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Jarin/JohnRyan/Justin/Sydney/Whiz/Arthur/Jennie/Art © Drasayer
Tristan and RP Words © Saoradh
Elias © Helsinge 
Lukas © Acetoma 
Georgie © decors 
dang we gettin' everyone involved here!  
No specific refs used for ponies and pals


Procreate/Photoshop VS6