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Deviant for 11 Years
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She was an inch from my face.
Four years old
And perfect.
I realized then
That you’re as good as you’ll ever be
Long before puberty.
I’ve heard people say
“Well, he’s pretty smart for his age”
And it’s not until
The braces have come off
And that five o’clock shadow
Is telling you you’re a man,
That people stop noticing
How smart you are
For your age.
And, instead, measure worth
By how many dollars you earn
Above minimum wage.
I’ve regressed since preschool.
Become more of myself,
And less of
Who I wanted to be.
My heroes are women
Who’ve been through more shit
Than what’s being poured into Revere Beach each day.
While I nearly died
The first time
A boy that I loved
Left me.
Truth is,
It’s still there.
Boiling in my chest
Like a sad potato.
Sometimes rendering me
Time causes more damage
Than any thing else on this earth.
And the more years I’ve managed to live through--
The more I have to talk about.
Yes, I miss
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 3 16
I broke rules
Behind the wall of her hair.
It stood like a pomade
And I was dwarfed in
Its shadow.
My shoes pinched my feet,
And made my veins bulge
Along their rim.
But they glistened when I moved,
So I wore them.
I wondered,
As I was little more than
A bean,
Whether she ducked
Upon entering a room,
The same way I limped
Upon leaving.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 6
I get lost beneath the cold tide,
Who makes love to the moon each night.
Preaching fidelity,
And beating me over the head with it
Like stones.
I remember late night suppers
With Dionysus.
Twice we spoke.
And kissed.
And drank.
So much so that I forgot
The Moon.
A single, solitary hour
Cradling the columns and fore walls
Of my love.
Like ingrown hairs.
Today I walk,
As if regret were a mangled foot,
So overcome by the tides
That sometimes
I can’t help but
Fall under.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 2 0
Christmas In New York
I used to know what it felt like.
Before the week in New York
Spent dodging bombs at the train station,
And keeping butterflies
From the thread of my sweater.
The rungs of my overalls were
Better that year.
And the legs still fell below
My ankles.
We didn’t bring the Christmas lights,
I remember.
Mary’s tree already stood.
So we watched.
Undressing it each night
Whilst the tiny bulbs
Glowed heartlessly
Compared to the Television’s light.
All the while Feeling nothing.
And on Christmas morning
Our house was cold
But New York
Caught fire.
And from my window,
Between the shutters,
An unimpressive skyline
Severed by buildings
Far taller than the sun.
This was the city of brick
Without wood to burn
And the hallways smelt
Of someone else’s cooking.
I used to know what it felt like.
Before the week spent
Inside the Apple of A different Saint.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 1
I closed the door
And played with its handle for a while.
You sat there.
Running your hands over the strings
Of another guitar.
While outside
The cars tore by
As if they had someplace else
They’d rather be.
But not me.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
It’s always wet here.
You say it’s good for the trees,
But sometimes she
Worries me.
And Kitten’s in the rose bush again.
Learning how to bend her legs.
And make noises,
Like no noise at all.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Carpenter Ants
Across the street
The neighbors leave their pool lights on
And the moths have begun their rounds
Like fat security guards.
I’d turn my light on
If it weren’t for fear of my own flies
And carpenter ants
So I’ll leave it off
And pretend not to wonder.
Because I’m weak at night
And I don’t have the heart
To look out the window
Every time a car drives by
That could be yours.
And the moon breathes
From behind a jealous cloud
There’ll be no astronauts
Here, tonight
And tomorrow just dissipates
Into strange air
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
The horizon drowns in purple
Diving off a mountain far too beautiful
                             To breathe through.
And the fall –
I’d close my eyes if it weren’t for love,
Or that melancholy that follows any expanse.
From home to here
I search you out,
Perhaps the horizon's swallowed us both,
You, in your corner,
Me, in mine.
Like caterpillars on the same green mile
Cradled by the same stubborn air
You, in your corner,
Me, in mine.
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Monday birthed magicians.
Flickering street lamps the way
Your eyes reflected light
Even where there was none.
In graveyards and in the wind
-that impossible wind
Where your voice was stolen
Right out of your throat,
But your lips rang loud and clear
“So this is Monday”
You said
“So this is love”
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Drowning Walls
I didn’t know what time it was
But my eyes tore across each awful wall
And there, between the patterns
In the dark
Past my own sick air and down those
Impossible halls
The rain persisted,
With its brilliant temper
Beating at my dreams.
A week in your company
Might just drive me mad.
And I tell you so.
I could possibly drown tonight
-In these walls-
I could drown . . .
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Under Ache
Another big, fat wall
To hit my head against
And you keep saying “life goes on”
I know it does
But it doesn’t feel like that right now
And my Face looks like a funhouse mirror;
When I’m not ugly,
I’m still not your type
So I dress in different prisms
In hopes I’ll catch your light
And the world, it seems, is floating
While I’m so near the ground
Giving names to all the circles
I’ve already been around
And a face to that awful pulse
That keeps me so under ache
Squeezed between your house
And my own, thick rib cage
I put time aside for breathing,
Tuesdays are my days to wallow
Soaking up all the yellow light
That my own, paper flesh can swallow
And maybe someday I’ll feel dangerous
And light that charcoal grenade
I’ve got hidden to the left of my spine
Then count down the last seconds I’ve got
Until I’m no longer just “O.K”
And I’m bordering on
“I feel fine”
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Sweat Tastes like Gasoline
But you’re all over me
Like a second skin
And some days I’m a Shithead
Others I’m ok
Some days I’m a Sinner
But you talked to me any way
And I’m tired of this aching
But I’m good at keeping still
Even when the walls are moving
And the flies begin to count folds
I held my breath
So long that my heart was in my ears
Spilling from the tiny spaces
Out onto the floor
And there was my weakness
Lain across tiles of ugly green
Ugly like me
Some days I’m a Shithead
But mostly I’m ok
Sucking on your aftertaste
I wish would go away
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 1 1
The Cannibal
So is this Love or something more like Murder
You say there’s blood here, still. But all I feel are Bones
And waking up was never quite this hard to manage
I guess it’s different when you’re waking up alone
All my morals that I’d put aside to Touch You
And all the parts of me I let you compromise
They drown, now in the acids of my stomach
And suffocate the strength behind my smile
So what kind of Love is it that eats you from the inside?
Something Cannibal and Hidden ‘neath my bones
There’s a struggle now in breathing deep enough to stay alive
And there’s a horror in the night I’d never known
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Pastries by DoughnutHole Pastries :icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 1 9
No Way In Heaven
If every hour of every day
Is spent praying,
Then I'll gladly give up sleeping
For you ...
And if Every Heart Beat brings us
Closer to the end
I’ll treasure each and every
Pulse, until we’re through …
Even if the wind should knock you down
And hide you from my view -
There’s no way in Heaven
I’ll ever stop loving you .
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0
Texas is nice this time of year
He said
“I think I’ll go”
And France has Nuns and poor people
(Santa ought to be generous)
But what can I do
Besides sit and wait
Seventeen, and not my own girl
I’m not deep enough to satisfy your thirst
So Fuck the little things
They only tie you down
And I’m irrational and vain
Shallow and plain
But there’s no way I’m digging deeper
Just so you can sleep at night
I’ve no regrets
Except that I was mean sometimes
It was you who made me cry
But there’s no Love in my cold shoulder
Or Sex in your Distance
Like Texas will change that
Maybe you’ll find your deep poet
In the sand and dirt roads
That you’d hoped was somewhere in Me
:icondoughnuthole:DoughnutHole 0 0


Bruce Springsteen by Shivluvzmusic Bruce Springsteen :iconshivluvzmusic:Shivluvzmusic 142 200 alice. by wredna alice. :iconwredna:wredna 3,660 255 Little Goldfish by whorer-movie Little Goldfish :iconwhorer-movie:whorer-movie 4,273 879 You hit me by ejan You hit me :iconejan:ejan 120 18 Cornflake Girl by sipsic Cornflake Girl :iconsipsic:sipsic 11 10 ani difranco by happlessvictim ani difranco :iconhapplessvictim:happlessvictim 57 27 Ville Valo by aBitBosch Ville Valo :iconabitbosch:aBitBosch 5 11 Hands by PolaroidCupcake Hands :iconpolaroidcupcake:PolaroidCupcake 3 3



United States
Current Residence: off with Superfly sniffing a sharpie pen, MA
MP3 player of choice: i-pod
Personal Quote: "the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it." - BtVS
i've been working on the same damn poem now for almost two weeks. but i refuse to give up!

is everyone excited about the holidays?!
  • Listening to: Joanna Newsom - Colleen


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luvbunni Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2007
Thanks for the add!
AudInk Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2007  Student Traditional Artist
Wow it has been a while do you remember me?
PolaroidCupcake Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2007
Mechanical-Fairy69 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2007

I love you...And I'm excited that you are coming to visit me.
Madhorse5 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2007  Professional Artist
Hey!! Welcome to DeviantART...!! Hope you like the community...

I invite you to check my gallery... I have a little bit of everything: Photography, Photomanipulation, Vectors, Drawings, Paintings and Poetry... hope you like it!!!

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