my safe zone and the only place i can write freely without someone chewing me out for something. I am human and i have feelings too. I can not be polly anna all the time (as I am forced to do around people at school, live around me or know me. I can not discuss my feelings with anyone and the only person I could has been dead for almost two years.
it helps me to write things out and even if they are misunderstood, i understand how i write and what i mean. that is what a journal is for. Every friend i have wants me to be there for them, put them first, listen to their pains and complaints , do things for them and encourage them - but they do not want to do the same for me. they would rather discourage or not talk to me at all the first time i say anything negative about what is going on in my own life or the difficult times i am going through.
I do not talk about the nightmares, the tears, the pain or the struggles with them anymore. (at least not my 0wn) and have learned that the only way to keep them around is to focus only on them.
Yes, I know God is there and i also know he understands what i am going through. I also know that he will allow me to work things out the way i need to even if it means i experience this for a while. I am closer to him than i have been but not yet where i need to be.
I understand someone wanting to help and appreciate that, but please do not jump down my throat about expressing my feelings the only place i have left to do so.