(in the observation deck of the lab under Room 117...)
Kane: Aw, fuckberries. This is the weirdest thing since the day I got here, when that Slipspace Translocation Pack malfunctioned and shat me out here... right in the middle of Ozpin's initiation speech...
Sierra: Well, you did smell of alcohol... or at leat, Yang told me you did.
Kane: Well, she knows the scent better than anyone who isn't Qrow...
Jack: At least he ain't here to hear that. Or flying around in there...
(They begin to claw at their eyes at the mental image Jack suggested)
Kane: I DIDN'T NEED TO PICTURE THAT!!!
Sierra: SOMEONE GET THE RETCON, PLEASE!!!
Kane: Mr. Branwen, you are so grounded.
(Jack shuffles out of the lab despondently as eight more stretchers are carried in, the unconscious forms of Teams JNPR and CRDL laying atop them.)
Rachel: Oh, crap. We gotta figure out what happened.
[TWELVE HOURS EARLIER]
(Weiss, Walter, and Ruby are working on a new design for Kane's weapon, when someone can be heard knocking at the door. Ruby goes to answer it, but finds nobody there... and a package in front of the door.)
Ruby: Hey, Weiss, a package came for you!
Weiss: What? That's odd. Nobody ever sent me a package... Who's it from?
Ruby: The shipping label says "Whitley Schnee, care of Schnee Dust Company."
Weiss: Whitley? I wasn't expecting anything from him, given his... attitude towards me.
Ruby: Should I open it? Just in case it's a bomb...
Weiss: Yes. Please open it.
(Ruby carries it in, but Walter stops her from opening the box.)
Walter: Actually, let me open this.
Weiss: Are you sure?
Walter: Yes. I need you guys alive. Your deaths will affect the timeline, and as a time-traveller, I can't allow that, because it would erase me from existence. Remember, I was born a millennium from now, so-
Ruby and Weiss: We get it!
Weiss: Open the package, please!
Walter: Alright, now where are...
(He rummages around for some plastic knives, eventually...)
(...finding one. He returns to the package and begins to slice the package open, splitting apart the tape, and opening the box to reveal...)
Walter: Oh, dear Gods!
(...a device that quickly begins to emit radiation from an experimental Dust Crystal. Within minutes, the changes start to take effect: Cat ears begin to grow in on their heads, while tails begin to sprout from their posteriors. Their minds begins to devolve into a feline chaos. Their speech is reduced to meows, trills, chirps, purrs, hisses, growls, yowls, and chittering. As the last changes took hold, the device shut off. The damage, however, had just begun, as Yang and Blake came back in the room from a trip to Lab 117... and were promptly converted like the others.)
Kane: Stay here while I go fetch some cat-friendly sushi. It's likely that they won't be able to eat the same foods they normally would in this state, so we have to be careful. Also, keep Ruby away from the cookies.
(He leaves the lab as Sierra continues monitoring the victims of this senseless attack.)
TO BE CONTINUED
Sierra: Well, fuuuuck. I get stuck catsitting for these hapless schmucks, and Kyle's making special kitty-safe sushi in the kitchen. Life blows.
Rachel: Well, at least it isn't a cloning job, like what we did to give Cortana an organic form...
Sierra: Project MANTLE was indeed a huge, chaotic mess, but at least she survived.
Kyle: I'm back!
(He brings in two trays, each loaded with six plates of sushi. As the "airlock" opens, the cat-people crowd around the inner door, the outer door sealing shut behind Kyle. He enters the observation room, kneels to the ground, and places the trays around the room with enough room to maneuver while eating.)
Sierra: Well, looks like they'll be here quite a while...
Rachel: I'll get to work on furnishings and toys. You and Kyle handle research and try to cure them.
Sierra: Got it.
Rachel: I'll be back. Call me if something comes up.
(She turns back to the window and continues to observe the twelve new patients, watching their feline eating behaviors and taking notes.)
Kyle (over PA): I'll be back soon, sweeties. Be good for me, okay?
(He picks up the empty trays before exiting the observation room, the nekos attempting to follow him out.)
TO BE CONTINUED
(Ruby pounces on him, knocking him to the floor.)
Kane: Gah! Oh, Fraggle Rock, that hurt.
Serenity: Very funny, Deeks.
Kane: Please, Serenity, no NCIS references.
(Ruby playfully bashes Kane with her hand, causing him to yelp. Serenity chuckles.)
Kane: Owww... that bloody hurt, Ruby.
Serenity: In all seriousness, though, we need to fix this before anyone else is nekofied.
(Translation: "How dare you say that about us?! You're just profiling every single cat as being a thief, or saboteur, or something!")
Kane: That's not what I meant. Of course, not every cat is like that, Ruby. I'm just saying that some mischievous moof-milker did that the last time there was a mass Class-Seven nekofication.