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I started this account when I was 13 years old. Originally I started it to look at Sonic the Hedgehog fanart. As any 13 year old Sonic fan would do, I named it after my fan-character, Dillon the Hedgehog.

I am 21 years old now. And you know, it's funny. It's really really funny, when I think about it. I mean, it's such a cringey name, really. Dillon the Hedgehog? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? I should totally pony up and pay for a Premium membership JUST to get it changed... 

Wait what? It's called a Core membership now? Huh. Jeez, the times they are a changin'.

Anyway, It's $15 for the basic Core membership, apparently. Is rescuing myself from such a cringey name worth that much? Maybe it is.

But then I think about it, and the name doesn't bother me so much.

I mean, when I was 13 I didn't care. Sure I didn't want my close friends or family knowing about it, but I didn't care what everyone else thought. And man, I drew like a maniac. This website is really what got me started in drawing. And sure, the art I made was about as cringey as the name, but I didn't CARE. Nowadays when I actually get the time to draw something, I always have to weigh whether or not it's worthy of being posted, hoping that the quality is up to some arbitrary standard before I finally decide to upload it. Which means like half of the things I draw aren't even seen by anyone besides myself. But 13 year old me? WHOOO 13 year old me didn't give one single FUCK. Picture I spent 5 hours on that looks crappy? UPLOAD! Incomprehensible notebook doodle? UPLOAD! Cringey fanfiction and/or original works? UPLOAD!

Because 13 year old me had something.Something that I feel like 21 year old me has lost somewhere along the way. That something, I feel, is the need to draw more for myself. Obviously 13 year old me had less responsibilities, therefore giving him more time to draw. But I used to be so happy and proud of everything that I drew, that I couldn't wait to show it off to my friends on the internet! But now all I do is doodle by myself, barely ever getting on Deviantart anymore, and hardly uploading anything anywhere due to my own shame at the quality in my work.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: when did I start becoming so ashamed of the work that I create, instead of being happy about making it? Where did the passion to draw, no matter what, go?

I dunno. But I'm hoping to get it back somehow.
I keep buying Humble Bundles even though I don't need anymore games.

I don't even usually know the games that I'm buying. I already have like 30 something games.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I'm just gonna play this forever instead of drawing.

Yeah
I can't even draw anymore. I just tried and ugh...

How do people do this? How do people make art and consistently like it? If you know, let me know, because I'm beginning to get frustrated.

I used to be able to just draw and love it, so what happened? Is it because I got older? Fuck.

Just... Fuck.
  • Listening to: Suffocating Under Words of Sorrow
What the hell is a bumpkin
  • Listening to: The Protomen- Vengeance
I say I'm leaving, and I come right back the next week. Then I say I'll be coming back and I leave for like HALF A YEAR.

I'm awful at this.

Hello friends, how are you?
If you've been wondering where I've been and what I've been up to, you can probably get your answer here: docproto.tumblr.com . And if you wanna see what I've been drawing or whatever, there should be a button that says something like "art" that you can click to show my doodles.

Then there's that whole ask blog of mine that's going slowly, askdocproto.tumblr.com

Also I went to college. And now I'm working for the summer.

So yeah, I'm sorry friends. Are we cool? I should try and get back here new often, but no promises.
  • Listening to: The Protomen- Vengeance
"Send your armies. There's no man or machine who can stop me, and you'll soon see."

WELL HOWDY THERE FOLKS? Miss me? And did I miss anything? No?
ALRIGHT THEN.

Yes, I think I'm 'back'. And by that, I suppose I mean that I'll be popping in more than 'never' and posting things every now and then.
GET PREPARED FOR SOME BACKLOGGED SHIZ.

Mind you, this may just be the 'high' mood I experience, and I may hit a 'low' later on. We shall see.
  • Listening to: Metallica- Astronomy
You probably didn't need to see this journal to know that this was coming, what with me being gone so long... but yeah. I'll be taking a leave from DeviantArt.
I don't know how long or even if this is permanent. I may log on tomorrow with some grand new idea or scheme of mine. Or this may be the last thing I ever post here. If the second thing is true, then I would just like to say:
Thank you guys for all you've done for me. Whether it's listening to my emotional dribble, looking at the drawings I make, or even just talking to me with goofy antics and random chit-chat. It's been a lot of fun, and I just want you guys to know that I probably won't forget about you.

I know this sounds overly dramatic. I mean, it's not as if I'm dying or anything! But I do need to take care of some things, whether they be mental, emotional, college related, or whatever. While I'm doing that I don't want there to be, in the back of my head, the hanging thought of "Oh goodness, I've left all of the awesome people from Deviantart hanging!" So I'm writing this to sort of make it 'official' I suppose.

Thank you.
Good night.
And have a Merry Christmas.
  • Listening to: Mortal Kombat Movie Theme
  • Drinking: Sweet Tea
1. Something I learned about you looking at your DA for 20 seconds.
2. You remind me of what color
3. My first memory of you.
4. Something I've always wondered about you.
5. What I Like About You.
6. I'll give you a weird name.
7. I'll tell you a song that you should check out.
8. I challenge you to put this on your journal
I am in it now.

Yay.

That is all.
*GASPING FOR BREATH AS IF COMING UP FROM UNDERWATER*
DEAR LORD SWEET JESUS, where am I? What's going on? YOU THERE! BOY IN THE STREETS! WHAT DAY IS IT?

...

Oh. Its July 18th. A bit disappointing, seeing as how it's not really a special day or anything.

ANYWHO! As of now, I shall be getting on here more often (Or at least, that's what I tell myself). Turns out graduating high school DOESN'T mean you get all the time in the world to do whatever you want. Instead it means you have to get a job to help pay for COLLEGE. I'll be heading off to college on August 15th, soooo... Yes. That. Perhaps I'll have more time for this kind of stuff, or perhaps I'll have less? I don't think the latter is possible though, seeing as how I have zero time to draw now, and there's really nothing less than zero time-wise (unless the universe wanted to start being cruel and start giving me negative time to draw, though I fail to see how that would work...).

What else what else what else... I've been doodling stuff here and there, and I think I've improved marginally. I should show off some doodles sometime. Doodle doodle doodle.

I got a new computer too! It's a Mac! (Aaaaand here comes the flood of people insulting me for owning a Mac)

I think that's all I have to say for the moment. It's good to be back!
Yes, I will be out of the country for the next few days, so any means of trying to communicate with me probably won't work. Just thought I'd give a heads up.

Not that I'm very productive as of late anyway.

See ya Thursday or so!
Well.

I made some music that can be found here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAkdTv… on my iPad. I'll probably get bludgeoned to death because I mentioned that I own an iPad... But whatever.

I guess that's all I've got at the moment. Go listen if you want. Ciao.
  • Listening to: Rise Against
Im hyped up on something that a doctor lady injected into me, and now I can't fall asleep. So I decided to go and delete all of the old old old messages/journals/other stuff that I had building up. I originally had a little over 14,000 messages. Now I have NONE.

Which in retrospect, I feel kind of stupid for doing. When I get bored, I usually browse my old messages to find something interesting to read. BU NOW I CAN'T DO THAT, CAN I? GOD, I HATE ME.

So this injection I got. You maybe asking " Why did you need a shot?" " Why are you telling me this?" " Who do you expect to care about this at four in the morning?"
Well, I've gotten a case of (God forbid I spell this wrong) pharyngitis. Normally, I'd tough it out because I'd like to think my body can defend itself on its own. However, I am also in a play which requires me to SING and DANCE and have my FACE touch other people's FACES (well, only one person). So I went to the doctor to see if they could give me anything. They said that they could give me two shots in the arse for the price of two, along with some fancy pantsy pills. How nice of them. So now I've got some kind of medicine, along with a steroid shot and fancy pills in my system. AND MY BUTT HURTS.

Feel bad for me.

Is there anything else I need to add to this ramble that I will probably want to delete in the morning? Hmm....

OH YES! I'd like to announce to whoever cares that I, Matthew Dillon Smith, shall be attending The University of Mississippi next year! That might not mean much to YOU, but I never thought I'd make it this far! To be honest, I always thought I'd somehow die before I graduated. Kinda depressing, but I'm a weird guy and I was a weird kid. Anywho, I'm planning on going in as an undecided freshman, but I'm kinda interested in majoring in Computer Engineering.

Also, I'll be rooming with a cool Asian friend of mine. That'll be good for me.

...OH RIGHT, THIS PLACE IS WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO UPLOAD ART. Well, I've drawn stuff, but I don't deem most of it as 'Show it to other people' worthy. But I do have a bit of stuff, I just haven't gotten round to uploading it.

Soooo yeah. I'll end this here, seeing as how I've got nothing else of interest to say. If it was too long, I apologize. I am not in my right mind right now, and I blame medicine.

Ciao.
  • Listening to: Rise Against
IMAGINE A SITUATION THAT YOU WAKE UP NAKED IN BED NEXT TO ME.

Using only 3 words , what would you say to me?

Note: If you comment, please copy and paste this as your journal, So I may comment on yours as well. Be a good sport. Play along.

Stolen from :iconadvancedflea:
  • Listening to: Rise Against
Because I like these kinds of things and BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT.

1. For each of the 30 first people answering this journal, I will put their avatar and the three deviations I like most from their gallery on the list!

2. If you answer,you have to do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on the first place.
The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!

1.  :iconbitter-knitter: bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/… bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/… bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/…
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  • Listening to: Rise Against
Yes, I did just copy/ paste the title of this Journal from :iconjohnnywhoa:'s journal. WHAT OF IT?

However, copying and pasting the entirety of his journal wouldn't be very accurate. because he talks about animations and all that kind of stuff, none of which I've ever really delved into...

Anyway, I would like to say this: I haven't been logging on, talking to internet friends, or posting as much stuff as I used to. Sorry 'bout that. Being a senior in high school isn't as much of a cake-walk as I thought it would be... Not to say I haven't been drawing, I just haven't put any of it up here for people to see and/ or giggle at. So, to keep my ass active, I will copy Mr. Whoa's plan of posting something every few days, whether it be a doodle or whatever. That sounds like a good idea... I think.

Also, feel free to leave me requests. I loves me some requests.

P.S.: I'm also up for art trades, if you're into that sort of thing. (also copy/pasted :P)

EDIT: erm... I may have to take back that art trade part. We'll see.
  • Listening to: Very calming song ideas from Christian.
It seems that I don't visit DeviantArt as much as I used to, which is really a shame. I'll probably be getting on more later, but at the moment, life is a bit hectic. And by life, I mean being a senior in high school. So for the moment, I apologize. Please take this slightly bland journal entry as an apology present. I guess.

Also, If you are reading this and I haven't talked to you in a while, feel free to kick my ass and/ or start up a conversation!
  • Listening to: Very calming song ideas from Christian.
Rules:

1 - You must post these rules (VERY Important )
2 - Each person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
3 - Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create ten new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4 - You have to choose 10 people to tag and post their icons on your journal.
5 - Go to their pages and tell them you have tagged her/him.
6 - No tag backs
7 - No crap in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you're reading this." You legitimately (AKA, really, truly with all honesty) have to tag 10 people.


10 things about myself:

1. I am 6 feet tall.
2. I am in a band named The Broken Pixels, which is a four member band.
3. I am a senior in high school.
4. I am 17 years old.
5. I am a bit of a grammar freak. As in, I will correct your grammar if you mess up.
6. I've discovered that I dislike most people I know ('cept you guys I know on teh internetz... You guys are all cool with me).
7. I think I'm gay...
8. I'm failing a class at the moment.
9. I've nick-named my car Charlie Scene.
10 Three of the above facts is untrue... Have fun with that. >: )

Questions from

1. What is your name? Matthew Dillon Smith
2. What is your quest? To find the Holy Grail
3. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? ...LOL SWALLOW
4. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the tuna.
5. Will you take the big box or the small box? Whichever one is A DICK IN A BOX.
6. Who would win in a fight: Nyan cat or shoop da whoop? Er... THAT'S a hard one. I'm going with Nyan cat, though.
7. Will you donate your body to science? As long as they upload my consciousness into a psychotic, power hungry AI who likes to test with portals, I'm cool.
8. I am peeking in your window, whatcha gonna do about it? Invite you inside, it's cold as a bitch out there.
9. What comes to mind when I say: garble flarble dinky poon? I saw that movie once. With my parents. I didn't know that someone could fit something like that into their body that far... And neither did my parents.
10. Are you thinking of the game? FUCKEN SHIT >: (

My questions:
1. Do you have any nick-names?
2. Where do you live (general location is fine if you are worried about stalkers and such)?
3. Favorite band?
4. Ew... pick someone else. I don't like that band. >: (
5. Naw, I was just kiddin' with ya!... Or was I?
6. Doh, I seem to have forgotten to ask your name. What is it?
7. Who do you wish you could be, if anyone?
8. You are on the toilet when you look and realize you are out of toilet paper! What do you do?
9. Who was phone?
10. Why?

I shall tag...

:iconfahrenheit420: :icon9ferret-ninja3: :iconthatkrazykiddd:
...That's about it. I don't want to be 'that guy who tags everyone in memes'.
  • Listening to: Very calming song ideas from Christian.
Stolen from :iconadvancedflea:

ONE - Spell your name without vowels: DLLN

TWO - Are you single?: Eeyup

THREE - Whats your favorite number?: 22

FOUR - What color do you wear most?: Of my own free will? Either red or black. Because of school uniform? Blue.

FIVE - Least favorite color?: purple

SIX - Favorite candy?: BUTTERFINGER AH MAH GAHD

SEVEN - What do you smoke?: Pfft, I dont need to smoke anything. I get high ON LIFE.

EIGHT - Are you happy with your life right now?: It's so-so

NINE - Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: Someone said that I looked like Elwood Blues when I was wearing my cheap Ray-Bans knock off sunglasses. Sooo...?

TEN - What is your favorite class in school?: Drama

ELEVEN - Do you shop at Hollister/DC/Bluenotes?: Eenope

TWELVE - How do you make money?:I work like a dog every summer, then never spend any of it except for emergencies or gas.

THIRTEEN - Who is your best friend(s)?: A LOT OF PEEPS

FOURTEEN - Where do you go to school?:Washington High School (Hint hint stalkers)

FIFTEEN - Are you outgoing?: Sometimes.

SIXTEEN - One word to describe you?: Tall

SEVENTEEN - Favorite pair of shoes?: Black shoes that I've had for quite a while now

EIGHTEEN - Do you own big sunglasses?: Do fake Ray-Bans count? If so, then yes.

NINETEEN - Where do you wish you were right now?: At band practice with my bandies.

TWENTY - What should you be doing right now?: Getting ready for sleep

TWENTY ONE - Do you have a crush on anyone right now?: ... Maaaaaaayb-kinda sorta

HONEST SECTION:

Honestly, what's on your mind right now?: "I hope this song sounds good when I show it to Christian (Band Guitarist) tomorrow."

Honestly, what are you doing right now?: Taking a survey -_-

Honestly, have you done something bad today?: I didn't finish my chemistry homework. But it's okay, I can finish it tomorrow.

Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: My Mom -_-

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?:   Jealous of people who don't have uptight parental figures (Ooh, Dillon's angsty teen side is showing!).

Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: People and how neurotic, moronic, shallow, paranoid, and selfish they can be.

Honestly, do you bite your nails?: Yes. My nails are usually short nubs.

Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: I can think of a few...

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?: EEYUP

Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?: "Friend" who I don't "like? Contradictory much? But no, not really.


THE CANS:

Can you blow a bubble?: Yes

Can you dance?: Does jumping up and down and pumping your fist count as dancing?

Can you do a cart wheel?:Yes indeed!

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Mhm (LADIES... and/ or gentlemen?)

Can you whistle?: Yep

Can you wiggle your ear?: Nooooo

Can you wiggle your nose?: Again, no.

Can you roll your tongue?: Nope

Can you make a clover with your tongue?: Nunya

ANGER SECTION:

What do you do when you're mad?: I bottle it up. Then I either A) bitch about it B) explode at someone or C) punch something. Though C usually hurts, which makes me more pissed off. And so the cycle continues.

What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: I've full on bull charged one of my best friends, Jamie. It's cool though: He stepped to the side, grabbed me, and put me on his shoulder (kind of like burping a baby) until I stopped kicking and screaming. Dude is HELLA strong.

Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: Unfortunately, my sister and brother . Though I usually make it up to them once I've calmed down. I don't actually do this anymore.

CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out?: I think so... probably during one of the many times that my mom and my stepdad teamed up on me just to yell at me.

Ever cried yourself to sleep?: See above

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: No, though I've come close.

Ever cried over the same sex?: Almost.

Do you cry when you get an injury?: It's a mix between almost crying and "HOLY FUCK I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW".

Do certain songs make you cry? : Ah yes. Yes they do. Not so much the songs, but the emotions that I have linked to them because of previous experiences.

Do certain movies make you cry?: I think I almost cried during the movie Click... I'm a pansy.

Ever cried from reading a book?:  Nope.

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you usually a happy person?: My happy switch switches on and off randomly.

when are you the happiest?: When I'm making music or talking to someone who I think is coolio.

Do you believe in yourself?: " Don't believe in yourself - believe in me! Believe in the Kamina who believes in you!"

Do you wish you were happier?: I guess so?

Is being happy overrated?: Not really.

Can music make you happy?: Yes! Yes it can.

LOVE SECTION:

How many times have you had your heart broken?: I don't think my heart has ever been broken, but it's definitely been cracked a few times.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Yes, though not in the lovey dovey way.

Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'I love you'?: This one chick, but... eh, too many details. I could tell she was lying through her teeth.

HATE

Do you actually hate anyone?: Not exactly, no.

Have you ever been on a hit list?: No, but I know I sure have created a few hitlists in my life. I don't know what happened to ANY of them.

you a mean bully?: Ha! Oh, that's a good one.


SELF ESTEEM SECTION:
Is your self-esteem extremely low?: It varies.
Do you wish you could be someone else?: Sonic the Hedgehog or Batman :B

LOOK AT ME:
What is your current hair color?: Brown
What is your eye color?: Brown
What is your skin tone?: Tanned (from Mexico sun!)
Current piercings?: None, though I hope to at least get my ears pierced when I get older.
Have any tattoos?: Nope.
Straight hair or curly?: It's slightly curly. Kinda wavy, actually.

CURRENTLY WEARING:
What shirt are you wearing?: Plain gray shirt.
Necklace(s)?: Not wearing one right now, but for some reason, I do have two rainbow colored peace sign necklaces sitting on the counter/ shelf next to my bed.

Shoes?: Socks. It's bed time, bitch.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Hugged someone?: Yes. Lots of people.

Been on the phone until the sun came up?: Nope.

Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: Nuh uh.

Laughed so hard you cried?: Yes, though I can;t remember exactly at what.

Got in a fight with someone?: Yes. Twice. And I lost both times.

THE LAST:

Person you talked to in person?: Christian.

Person you talked to online?: Alan :iconadvancedflea:

Person you hugged?: Austin (Band Keyboardist)

RANDOM:

Do you like surveys?: They help to pass the time. And they let people know more about me.

Do you get along with your parents?: About 85% of the time with my dad, 79% with my stepdad, and (it feels like) about 26% and dropping with my mom.

Do you have mental breakdowns?: Hell yes. Not only that, sometimes I actually go into what feels like a suicidal depression. Don't worry though, I've discovered that if I wait about 30 minutes to an hour and a half I usually start feeling better.

CURRENT:

Current mood: Neutral

Current music: The Broken Pixels with other stuff mixed in (Yes, I like my own band's music... sue me).

Current hair style: Longish. I've been meaning to get a haircut for a few days now.

Current crush: Yeah right. Like I'd tell YOU.

Current thing I ought to be doing: Sleeping, I guess?

Current windows open: Google Chrome, The Broken Pixels music folder, CometPlayer, Windows Task Manager. I did have Firefox open... But under the pressure of having 94 tabs open, I'm not surprised it crashed.

I'm an idiot.