I started this account when I was 13 years old. Originally I started it to look at Sonic the Hedgehog fanart. As any 13 year old Sonic fan would do, I named it after my fan-character, Dillon the Hedgehog.
I am 21 years old now. And you know, it's funny. It's really really funny, when I think about it. I mean, it's such a cringey name, really. Dillon the Hedgehog? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? I should totally pony up and pay for a Premium membership JUST to get it changed...
Wait what? It's called a Core membership now? Huh. Jeez, the times they are a changin'.
Anyway, It's $15 for the basic Core membership, apparently. Is rescuing myself from such a cringey name worth that much? Maybe it is.
But then I think about it, and the name doesn't bother me so much.
I mean, when I was 13 I didn't care. Sure I didn't want my close friends or family knowing about it, but I didn't care what everyone else thought. And man, I drew like a maniac. This website is really what got me started in drawing. And sure, the art I made was about as cringey as the name, but I didn't CARE. Nowadays when I actually get the time to draw something, I always have to weigh whether or not it's worthy of being posted, hoping that the quality is up to some arbitrary standard before I finally decide to upload it. Which means like half of the things I draw aren't even seen by anyone besides myself. But 13 year old me? WHOOO 13 year old me didn't give one single FUCK. Picture I spent 5 hours on that looks crappy? UPLOAD! Incomprehensible notebook doodle? UPLOAD! Cringey fanfiction and/or original works? UPLOAD!
Because 13 year old me had something.Something that I feel like 21 year old me has lost somewhere along the way. That something, I feel, is the need to draw more for myself. Obviously 13 year old me had less responsibilities, therefore giving him more time to draw. But I used to be so happy and proud of everything that I drew, that I couldn't wait to show it off to my friends on the internet! But now all I do is doodle by myself, barely ever getting on Deviantart anymore, and hardly uploading anything anywhere due to my own shame at the quality in my work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: when did I start becoming so ashamed of the work that I create, instead of being happy about making it? Where did the passion to draw, no matter what, go?
I dunno. But I'm hoping to get it back somehow.