Was thinking about "In Repair"[link]
by John Mayer
"How can you be stressed? You're an artist!" I make art because I am stressed and my mind is burdened with naggings I need to get out into the open.
People need to understand... chasing "impossible" dreams takes its toll... 30 years of bearing externally and internally inflicted stress and the sacrificing of things average people wouldn't give up on to maintain focus... including health... its easy to ignore health when heart, passion & fears is pushing... what is beyond the horizon can't come fast enough!!
But December was the month everything just collided for me. It was such an emotional and physical roller-coaster... Five, six, seven things happening within the span of 2 weeks... moments of ecstatic joy, another moment incredible stress, confusion, fury, disappointments and back again and again... giving my emotional subroutines whiplash.
I couldn't process all the information and emotions swirling inside my neural net that my emotion chip simply fried and shut down. My brain was literally a blank for a week or two... its a good thing the work load has died down... as you see, I've been spending this time trying to relax... and really process everything... figuring out what I really want and start repairing the damage inflicted on myself.
I do wish I was an android like Data sometimes... add a new improved battery pack... or just plug me into an outlet... new RAM chips and a bigger hard drive is what I'd like. Shut off the emotion chip when emotions get in the way... no need to eat... no need to sleep... work work work. But, I'm not... its hard to be human... on top of that one who is trying to function beyond its original programming.
I don't regret any of the choices I've made... its simply a waiting game for me at this point. I thank everyone who has chimed in to support me! Everyone, every little bit... has helped to carry me this far.