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Daily Deviation
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By deviantkupo   |   Watch
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Mature  |  Published: June 25, 2004
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n
never grow up.
I have a monster living underneath my bed. He’s made up of burnt frog skin, white-red cobweb veined eyes and a collection of missing pebble teeth. Sometimes we play scrabble. (The first time he was just a mechanical hum beneath the bowing wooden planks, he was just a faint smell of green and he was just a hot cloud of fog around my lips. It’s the wind, it’s the wind, I breathed. Then he breathed back, heavy and loud and monster-like; AM NOT.) He always spoke in capitals; MONSTERS ARE MUCH TOO SCARY FOR LOWER-CASED LETTERS, he informed me one night under pink covers. I shined the flashlight into his eyes until they changed co
M
Master of Ravens
Master of Ravens 1 My little brother is nine years old the first time I decide to kill him. During the night, snow fell over the jagged wreckage of our land. In the morning I realize he will follow me outside if I call to him. Like an awkward-limbed colt he'll stumble through the snowdrifts, and I can leave him to the ice and wind in the shadow of a three-walled building. No one will see me. Our father will think he has gotten lost on his own. I too will cry when they find his body. When the mourning is done, however, I will be my father's true and only son. 'Cam,' he will call to me, and I'll kneel down before him. My father. Master of
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Dear Diary
Dear Diary, I ate a sandwich today. I realized for the first time that one does not use a spoon to eat them. I was at the deli and I ordered my usual, a turkey breast with salmon, bacon, and teriyaki sauce, sat down and began to eat, spoon in hand. The man next to me turned and said, "You know… You don't use a spoon to eat sandwichs…" This blew me away. All that I had known: destroyed. My world became swirling mist of the unknown. Every fact I thought I knew suddenly came into question. The way of the universe died that day. The man grew concerned about the glazed look I had while I was shaking uncontrollably in my chair. I snapped to, spo
The website she talks about is real and is here: [link]

I decided to make up for lack of bad language in my last thing with this, too. Your eyes have been warned and if you soil them it is not my fault.

I wrote this to the self-imposed deadline of my curry finishing cooking in the oven.
Recommended Literature
n
never grow up.
I have a monster living underneath my bed. He’s made up of burnt frog skin, white-red cobweb veined eyes and a collection of missing pebble teeth. Sometimes we play scrabble. (The first time he was just a mechanical hum beneath the bowing wooden planks, he was just a faint smell of green and he was just a hot cloud of fog around my lips. It’s the wind, it’s the wind, I breathed. Then he breathed back, heavy and loud and monster-like; AM NOT.) He always spoke in capitals; MONSTERS ARE MUCH TOO SCARY FOR LOWER-CASED LETTERS, he informed me one night under pink covers. I shined the flashlight into his eyes until they changed co
M
Master of Ravens
Master of Ravens 1 My little brother is nine years old the first time I decide to kill him. During the night, snow fell over the jagged wreckage of our land. In the morning I realize he will follow me outside if I call to him. Like an awkward-limbed colt he'll stumble through the snowdrifts, and I can leave him to the ice and wind in the shadow of a three-walled building. No one will see me. Our father will think he has gotten lost on his own. I too will cry when they find his body. When the mourning is done, however, I will be my father's true and only son. 'Cam,' he will call to me, and I'll kneel down before him. My father. Master of
D
Dear Diary
Dear Diary, I ate a sandwich today. I realized for the first time that one does not use a spoon to eat them. I was at the deli and I ordered my usual, a turkey breast with salmon, bacon, and teriyaki sauce, sat down and began to eat, spoon in hand. The man next to me turned and said, "You know… You don't use a spoon to eat sandwichs…" This blew me away. All that I had known: destroyed. My world became swirling mist of the unknown. Every fact I thought I knew suddenly came into question. The way of the universe died that day. The man grew concerned about the glazed look I had while I was shaking uncontrollably in my chair. I snapped to, spo
Comments980
anonymous's avatar
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TuesdayNightCompany's avatar
Hah, this is probably the most honest form of conversation I've seen in a suicide situation!
Skruffie's avatar
SkruffieStudent Digital Artist
I first read this way back on my old account and I still think about it from time to time. It's wonderful.

I'd love to see a short film based on this, honestly.
GwinnaTheWildLizard's avatar
GwinnaTheWildLizard General Artist
This story is wonderful, thank you for writing it! I found it insightful and touching, and now I'm going to savor it and maybe read it a few more times.
LiliWrites's avatar
I just read this to my dad, and he wants to make it into a stage skit, but I'd like to seek your permission first. He thinks it was both hysterical and highly emotional. 

Would it be alright with you? We'd only perform it here in our little town. 
deviantkupo's avatar
deviantkupoHobbyist Writer
I'm flattered! Of course you make it into a skit - knock yourself out! And let me know how it goes :)
Gadgetsmith's avatar
GadgetsmithHobbyist Artisan Crafter
This is how I treat suicidal individuals. But not with cake.

I also ask them to leave Me their skeletons in their Last Will & Testament if they're going to go through with it, because I carve Bones occasionally, and I need a ribcage for a backpack.
Pariah8347's avatar
Pariah8347Student General Artist
OMAIGAWD I CRIED. T-T Love this love this love this love this
PeaceLovingMadman's avatar
PeaceLovingMadmanHobbyist Writer
:iconchesterabumplz: I baked through suicide once too! Everyone died...
oviedomedina's avatar
At first I thought this could have been cheesy (from the title)
But how wrong I was!
A truly wonderful and funny story!!!!!!
Fawkes-Winchester's avatar
Fawkes-WinchesterHobbyist Photographer
Recovering from an emotional breakdown, this brightened up my day. Well done good sir.
AV-Artz's avatar
AV-ArtzStudent Digital Artist
That was epic.
Lestatt32's avatar
Lestatt32Student General Artist
wow... (cant think of anything else to say) :)
Amber1010's avatar
This is my third time reading this! Might as well favorite!
deviantkupo's avatar
deviantkupoHobbyist Writer
Three reads to get a favourite... you're a hard one to please!
Amber1010's avatar
Haha! I have to make sure ;D!
alexnart's avatar
This has put a smile on my face.
Thank you for writing it. :heart:
Lucy-Merriman's avatar
Lucy-MerrimanStudent General Artist
Although I thought the main person was a girl and they were sisters, so it threw me for a loop when she said brother. I think I might be sexist; it was the cake-baking that did it. Or maybe it's just because I myself am a woman, I dunno.
Lucy-Merriman's avatar
Lucy-MerrimanStudent General Artist
Wow, this is amazing. This is really powerful, I love it.
harryArthurAlston's avatar
harryArthurAlstonStudent Writer
Probably one of my favourite pieces of writing I've ever read. And I read as much as I can. This has stuck with me for a very long time and every now and then I just have an urge to read it. Utterly fantastic.
speakgibberish1's avatar
As someone who has experiences of suicidality, I find this unrealistic and insincere.
rockPolotics's avatar
Man, i've been playing too many video games. Throughout the whole thing i was looking for a " the cake is a lie" reference.
But, it was a splendid piece. Man, that dude is pro, though, i'd probably be freaking out if that happened to my sister.
deviantkupo's avatar
deviantkupoHobbyist Writer
You just made me realise that, depressingly enough, this story pre-dates Portal.

D:
T-20-A-20's avatar
T-20-A-20Student Photographer
Nice way of talking some one out of suicide
Cake, a solution to everything I guess
anonymous's avatar
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