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Alien Ride49
Alien Ride
Click on a preview icon to read the content of a chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own the free fonts used in the titles, they belong to their respective authors. I only own the titles and the paint job done to them. -------------------------------- The Sci-Fi comedy (or tragicomedy maybe, whichever fits) novel "Alien Ride" follows the galactic travels of Hank Roswell, a poorly-skilled driver and not really the brightest person on Earth, who dreams of becoming the best racer in the world. His dream got him into trouble and he ends up with fines he can barely afford to pay. In order to pay the latest fine, he resorts to borrowing money from a loan shark named Lewis, but he has only one month to bring the money back. He becomes a car thief, yet he barely succeeds in stealing a state-of-the-art car, the Crescent Moon, while he has only three days left to return the money. Before the police can catch him, he is abducted by aliens. He manages to hijack their spaceship and add the alien weaponry to his stolen car. Then he ends up on a different planet, where he meets an alien named Azerty, who is forced to accompany Hank on a galactic travel, with no idea how to control the spaceship or the stolen car. ---------------------------------- Story disclaimer: All characters, their names, weaponry names (in case someone decides to name something that way in reality...), and (hopefully, for the sake of the human race) the events are fictional.
1. A FOOL ON A SPACESHIP
Louisville, Kentucky. The place where Hank Roswell spent most of his life, from his childhood till his 24th birthday. It is a city where many famous artists, inventors, and other celebrities lived. Hank couldn't give a flying hoot about that. In fact, he never did pay much attention in school anyway, so telling Hank about Thomas Edison would only make him ask if the guy was a singer.
His dream was to become an illegal street racer and win big. That usually caused him trouble with the law, resulting in having to pay fines he could barely get money for by doing the lowest jobs, such as washing toilets or working at zoos, removing animal dung.
2. MONKEY SEE, HUMAN DUMB
What could be worse than being trapped on a spaceship with a human who couldn't recognize an alien even if it were right under his nose? Well… being trapped on a spaceship with one such human and no food.
Azerty felt like he was the unluckiest of his kind, ever since he realized just how much of a moron Hank could be. The Tarsa leaned against a wall of the spaceship, next to the screens and the dashboard. He was checking his watch's link to the internet.
"We're too far away from any signal. Looks like I'm left with the offline database only," the blond said as he stopped staring at the watch.
"You're such a geek, always talking about
3. ANTS BEE GONE
If the insects would have dominated Earth, what would the planet be like? There were times when Hank asked himself that question, after watching so many alien movies one night that he actually started to put to work what little mind he had. At least his imagination compensated for his lack of knowledge. Not that it benefited anyone.
Azerty was trying to wake Hank up by shaking him. The car thief was still slumbering on the floor, smiling and drooling.
"Hank! Wake up already! You've been sleeping for five hours since we've landed!"
Hank was still snoring. The alien started to get mad at the human and shook him again.
"I've barely slept for
4. CHILLING OUT
Hank hated the snow. Every winter, his car would get stuck in it. He would end up taking a shovel and making way for the vehicle to get out of the garage. Moreover, it seemed like every time he did that, the snow would start falling right after he finished. On top of that, he had to worry about the car's problems, since his muscle car was so old and damaged that not even a car mechanic could keep it from getting freezing problems. Not that Hank liked blowing money on the repairs anyway. But now, there he was, on a planet where the snow was everywhere.
Hank stood on the ramp, with his new car behind him. A cold winter breeze blew through his
5. RACER'S CODE
On Earth, car races are held to test the speed of the vehicles and the skill of their drivers. Some are legal races, where the participants drive on a special track and avoid causing damage to the surroundings or hurting bystanders, while others are illegal, more commonly known as street races, where the participants may or may not avoid destruction of the surroundings, opponents' vehicles or hurting bystanders. On a planet far away from Earth, the rules of legal races are extremely cruel towards both the drivers and the spectators. The Racer's Code tournament has a main difference from all other races, putting both cars and drivers to the li
6. THE TEMPTRESS
Throughout his life, Hank had various friends with whom he hanged out during his free time.
His first childhood friend was Nick, a blond kid with whom he would spend most of his time, until they were both the age of 10. At that point, they fought over a girl's attention and then broke their friendship. Funny thing about that was that the girl didn't like either of them anyway.
His second friend was Ralph, a 14 year old guy who brought Hank to his father, who was a car mechanic, to teach him about cars. For a 12 year old, Hank learned pretty well. As thanks, Hank would invite Ralph to barbecues on the front yard of his house. Their friendshi
7. APOCALYPSE? WHERE?
Hank was a big fan of post-apocalyptic movies such as “Terminator”, “The Day After Tomorrow”, “2012” and more. He considered that he knew how to survive the apocalypse in case such a thing would happen on Earth.
"All ya gotta do is dig a deep hole, build a bunker, hoard a lot of hamburgers, shawarmas, hot dogs and bacon, then get a few gallons of fizzy drinks and… as many CDs with movies and music as possible. That's the way to survive the apocalypse," Hank explained to Azerty.
Azerty looked at the car thief with an awkward expression and then at the screens. He then said, "I think it's too late for
8.WE'VE FOUND ATLANTIS
On Earth, there is a legend of this mythical place called Atlantis. For too long people have been trying to find it, in a search that might as well compare to looking for a needle in a haystack, following Platos' works about this ancient continent, once home to the Atlanteans, which disappeared without a trace in murky ocean waters. Many claims of finding Atlantis were made, often shown on TV in the form of news bulletins or documentaries. Hank would always switch the channel whenever that subject came up, saying, "Oh shut up! Every freakin' year, someone discovers it!"
After that flashback ended, Hank woke up in a bed made of black rock, wi
9. DEMOLITION CRACKDOWN
Hank didn't even dream of owning a car like the Crescent Moon when he was just a wannabe racer on Earth. All he wanted back then was a fast car with a cool aspect, a car that would help him win the races and catch the attention of chicks too as a bonus.
Most people would be more than happy to own the fastest and smartest car on Earth, but not Hank. He'd rather rant over the smallest details of said car instead, much to his alien friend's annoyance.
"Look at it! The stupid car looks like a giant fish on wheels with all that silver on it! And it doesn't even have fancy exhaust tips! How can I drive in public without fancy exhaust tips?"
"Han
10. CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT?
A dark, star-filled sky, a desolate land with pits full of red, hot, molten lava, a few giant rocks of about eleven feet in height and a giant silvery flying saucer, with small craters formed on the ground beneath it. The saucer seemed out of place in that area of the small planet which was located many light years away from the humans' solar system.
Usually, a human that just crash-landed with an alien spaceship on such a dangerous planet would worry about their safety and would check if the flying saucer received any serious damage. Hank, however, chose to take a nap.
Azerty had no choice but to guard his human friend until he woke up. No
11. BATSHIFT CRAZY
Floating with a spaceship for five days through space can be worrisome when you realize that you are once again running out of food and water. Azerty feared that Hank would actually consider eating him this time, so he offered him one of his last three jars of honey. The starving human had no choice but to put his whims away and eat it, despite the fact that the sweet, gooey substance seemed to burn his tongue, since he didn't have any bread to spread it over.
Bored to the limit, Hank began to tell Azerty more about his life back in Louisville.
"Ya know, bro, if I had met you back when mom was still alive, I would of invited you over for di
12. FROM ZERO TO HERO
It is unknown whether Hank's stupidity is his weak or strong spot. It got him into trouble, but also got him out of it. It made him look like a jerk, but also a hero at times. He would demonstrate that stupidity again, half a day after escaping the alien bats' planet and crash-landing on a heavily-industrialized world.
Hank should have known that if your best friend is mourning the loss of another friend, you don't just walk up to him and ask, "Have these Japanese guys ever heard about toilet seats?"
In response to that, Azerty got up from the chair and stared angrily at Hank. The alien's blue eyes seemed much darker than usual, his stare g
13. JADED VIEW
While the humans on Earth have discovered a planet which they believe to be one giant diamond, Hank and Azerty found another rare jewel of the galaxy. The planet, seen from outer-space, was completely green, with the system star's light reflecting off its surface. From the two galactic travelers' view, it was one big, green desert with a lot of emerald crystals pointing towards the sky, in a similar way to cacti from Earth, only clustered up.
Hank's reaction to seeing so many emeralds around him was, "We're rich! Just look at the size of these things!"
Azerty's reaction, however, surprised the human. The alien ran towards the nearest emeral
14. CASTLE OF HORRORS
Hank never did enjoy horror movies. He remembered that whenever he and his former friend Bobby watched a really scary one, he would either put the popcorn bowl over his head, hide behind the couch, or both, in that order. Much to Hank's despair, after the flying saucer landed, he found himself in a place that reminded him of those movies.
It was a planet where no grass grew and the soil was black. Mud could be observed in the distance. What seemed to be leafless trees were actually rocky formations with branches, giving the place a spooky aspect. The sky was crimson due to the atmosphere and the giant red star, which merely seemed to glow, b
15. ROSES ARE RED, DRAGONS ARE GREEN
In the gigantic and mysterious Milky Way, many light years away from Earth, the strangest worlds that are yet to be discovered by the human kind can be found. One curious alien civilization is located quite close to the center of the galaxy, in a planetary system with a G-type binary star formation at its center.
Their planet being the fourth closest to the double-star system, it was just perfect for plant life. There were vast plains of red grass and trees with orange leaves. On the branch of one such tree sat a green creature with a reptile head, which had a crown made of three black horns, a mouth full of sharp teeth, and a long neck. The
16. REPTILIANS
Hank never liked conspiracy theorists. Whenever he heard Azerty talk about aliens, spaceships, planets, stars, and pretty much any other extraterrestrial stuff, he just rolled his eyes and mocked the blond's intelligence.
The Tarsa was beginning to ponder if he should or shouldn't open the spaceship's ramp door the next time it would end up floating in space. After all, nothing of value would be lost if they'd both be gone.
"I can't believe I ended up being the sidekick of a moronic scoundrel," Azerty uttered, sitting on a chair as he rubbed his forehead, hoping that his headache would go away.
"Need an aspirin, bro?" Hank asked while hold
17. THE TESSERACT (part 1)
Azerty sat on a white tiled floor, leaning with his back against a wall with the same kind of tiles but with a few silver metallic bars here and there going over some of them. He seemed to be staring at the area where he and Hank had landed with the flying saucer. But in reality, he was in deep thought, his blank stare giving him away.
In front of the alien there was a giant hole in the floor - surely caused by the landing of the flying saucer. The tiles on the edges were still left intact and, upon a closer inspection, one could tell that they were actually cubes with a dimension of 11 inches.
Hank was fidgeting around, scared out of his m
17. THE TESSERACT (part 2)
[Continuation of The Tesseract part 1]
On the outside, the whole Tesseract started to move, recombining its colored cubes in a manner similar to a Rubik's cube. Azerty ended up in a cube room painted blue at the exterior on the center of a facet. He landed on his feet after he was thrown out of a pipe from the wall on the right side.
Hank was thrown into a cube room with red exterior from the facet on the opposite facet of the Tesseract. He landed sprawled on the floor, and did a face-plant as well.
He lifted his head to see a bunch of missiles being prepared to be launched from the walls on the sides. From the ground, a group of four cubes
18. THE JAWS FATHER
Sometimes, Hank would wonder what he would eat the next day, when he was broke and had no one to turn to. Sometimes, he would wonder if the guy at the grocery store saw him taking that loaf of bread when he couldn't find a way to make money to keep himself fed. Sometimes… he would find himself stuck on a distant planet, asking, "How the heck did I end up worse than I started?"
His alien friend stopped looking at the stars and turned his attention to Hank, who was also stargazing.
"I wouldn't call this worse. You get to see things no other human has seen. You get to move from planet to planet within seconds. You can actually do somethin
19. FAIRLY EARNED MONEY (Part 1)
Atop a mountain, which could be considered more of a hill, stood the flying saucer, sunlight reflecting off its silvery armor. Judging by the lack of smoke that would normally come from it after a landing, the spaceship had been there for quite a while.
Inside the giant saucer, the Crescent Moon car sat in a corner, its headlamps completely covered as if they were the eyes of a sleeping creature. Azerty was sitting on the seat next to the driver's one, holding onto it for dear life and whimpering softly.
Hank approached the vehicle and stared at him, raising an eyebrow.
"You've been sitting there for three whole hours, being all 'Thank you
19. FAIRLY EARNED MONEY (Part 2)
[Continuation of part 1]
A week had passed since the two galactic travelers began to work fairly. Hank was tired from working on and fixing eight cars that day. He received another letter from Azerty and was opening it while sitting at the desk where his boss usually sat. Stanfold was too busy doing something else, so he didn't mind if Hank wanted to use it anyway.
Hank opened the letter and began reading it.
..........................................................................................
                        
20. THE GALACTIC CIRCUS OF FREAKS
Most humans would enjoy the peaceful surroundings of a lush, green forest and foamy, mildly hissing waterfalls. The two infamous galactic travelers should have enjoyed it too, since that was what they could see in the place where they had ended up.
They were both sitting over some moss-covered rocks, surrounded by greenish and ever-moving water, with some foot-long, brown alien fish swimming swiftly past them. Over the waves, some kind of lily pad plants with mobile roots and purple flowers were constantly swimming against the current, trying to get as close as possible to the feet of the three waterfalls, which were branched because of two
21. HOW COULD WE FAIL SO HARD?
Responsibility. That was what Azerty took upon himself when choosing to continue traveling alongside Hank. He constantly wanted to be anything but a burden to his friend, who became a fugitive and kept having bad luck no matter where he tried to hide or what he tried to do to redeem himself.
Azerty sat on the floor, leaning with his back against the wall and checking his watch for something. His hair was now shoulder length and he wore a jacket that seemed to almost match his jeans, only that it was of a grayish-blue color. Underneath, he wore a black T-shirt. On the clothing's chest there was a silver drawing of a down-pointing dagger with
22. THEN I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE HEART (part 1)
The flying saucer ended up slicing a mountain and remaining fixed sideways onto it, like an axe chopping a tree halfway. Fortunately for the two galactic travelers, the exit was close to the ground, so they could get out and explore the surroundings.
There were patches of snow over the mountain and the mildly cold wind was blowing gently. The somewhat low temperatures prompted Hank to change his clothes and also give his friend better ones to keep warm.
Hank only had to change his T-shirt with a red, long-sleeved shirt with a black flame-like design which seemed to almost engulf the text, which was also black, and written in alien text. The
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