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Suicidal by DestinyBlue Suicidal by DestinyBlue

Hello, I'm suicidal.


The thin ice has cracked, and I've slipped through, into freezing water.

I'm drowning. Fighting for breath, for hope. For a future.

Trapped in a Void; an emptiness which envelops everything, yet offers nothing. A absence with such weight I can feel it's pressure on the backs of my eyes, as it rips out my breath, starves me of hope, and numbs all nurturing thoughts.


But this isn't the kind of drowning that kills you, this is the kind of drowning that is so agonising it makes you want to kill yourself.


Yet I know it sounds absurd, ludicrous even, to those not in the Void: to -want- to die. I know, because often I feel 'normal' too. Nourished and enriched by lifes lush labyrinth.


But this is the reality of mental illness. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't have to; It isn't neat or rational.  If it's confusing for you, think how it feels to us, who live it.

I tell you I'm suicidal not because I don't feel shame (I do) but because I shouldn't. Everyone should be able to feel safe and supported when opening up about these issues.

But unfortunately I don't, I feel stupid and worthless, weak and selfish, not only because this is what society labels us as, but because this is what the illness tells me I am, it's a double edged sword which makes it so difficult. 

People throw words like 'depressed' 'psychotic' and 'bipolar' around like they're some cute accessory. They're not; the are the freezing waters that suffocate me.

So I'm speaking out, partly because I know I'm not the only one to go through this, but also because I know there is a glimmer of hope even though I can't feel it; a hope which comes though connections with people. So here I am, connecting.
For those feeling rough: You're not alone. For those who don't understand: This is what it's like. And for those with compassion: Thank You.


Overall I'm proud of how for I've come this last year. I've worked hard on building stable foundations.

Feeling suicidal at the moment isn't a sign things have gone backwards overall: it's almost exciting to be able to recognise it and know I need to seek help. Almost. 

I imagine this episode will be shorter than the last, and I'm much better equipped to deal with the psychotic features. It's just so hard right now.


We should talk about this stuff more.


So Hi. My names Blue and I'm suicidal. How are you?

Peace, Love and Speaking Up,

~Blue x


[I'm currently waiting for an appointment to be admitted to psychiatric hospital. So I can be safe, and not do anything I wont live to regret]


If you are struggling too, consider calling someone :www.suicide.org/international-… there are people waiting to listen to you.

Update:  Feeling Better by DestinyBlue spent three weeks in hospital and am doing better now :)

Suicide hotlines: If you are in a position like me, there are people waiting to listen to you.


Add a Comment:
 
:iconswedenball:
Swedenball Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I must say. Your painting is a example for art.
Reply
:iconn0b1erebe1:
N0b1eRebe1 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2018  Student General Artist
I'n sorry, but this picture just makes me laugh.
Reply
:iconmintcrow:
MintCrow Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2018
umm.... why????
Reply
:iconn0b1erebe1:
N0b1eRebe1 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2018  Student General Artist
It's just so blunt. Hello! I'm SUICIDAL.
Reply
:iconvoidtheblackwolf:
VoidTheBlackWolf Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2018
*Sticks you in my fur* Now you're in a different Void.
Reply
:iconcachemirine:
Cachemirine Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for opening up your experience with others— you put it into words so well. Thought provoking piece.
Reply
:iconjosemiguelmcallen:
JoseMiguelMcAllen Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2018
You are not alone you had others that cared about you and love you no matter what Hug.

i hope my words are heard by the bottom of your heart Heart 

thank you
Reply
:iconfarelle:
Farelle Featured By Owner May 31, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
some days these kind of thoughts are overwhelming me, today is one of them. I know I don't want to die, but my head is spinning and screaming at me, that I need hope, that I wished everything would just stop, just be silent for a bit, that I need hope that it can get better and that otherwise...I don't know how I would be able to continue living, when I feel like I'm suffering every day and night....

I found your art many years ago and quite often I found your style themed around very dark topics, soothing....it's like someone takes off the blanket of deception that probably a lot of us go through...to make a "nice smile" to a rather broken heart....or soul even...if that's a thing...

...thank you for sharing your dark times like this.
Reply
:iconthenightowls:
TheNightOwls Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2018  Hobbyist Artist
if you need to talk to someone I'm here note me and I can help.
Reply
:iconnightcoreforlife13:
Nightcoreforlife13 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2018
I'm not alone
Reply
:iconwhovianfangirl23:
whovianfangirl23 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2018  Student Writer
is not just me?
Reply
:icontron1112:
tron1112 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2018
Hello, I stumbled across this picture years ago, maybe 3-4? Not sure but I've seen people relate to it.
Someone I knew took it a bit to far. That shook me a lot.
So I found distractions, work, games, other people. I just didn't want to end up a mess and start going down the same path.

Eventually, after pulling out his memory. I managed to make peace with and here I am.
I'm happy to say finding your art and many others like it gave me something to focus on and contemplate.
Thank you.
Reply
:iconcreationgenius:
CreationGenius Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2018   General Artist
Thank You for this picture and it's words.
Reply
:iconjoker-of-gallifrey:
Joker-of-Gallifrey Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
This speaks to me on a very personal level. I too often feel like i am drowning.
Reply
:icontron1112:
tron1112 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2018
You ok?
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:icontron1112:
tron1112 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2018
Shut the fuck up and don't insult people needlessly.
Reply
:icondante-tlds:
Dante-tLDS Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2018
I'm glad things are getting better for ya =3. This seems to give hope for those dealing with this, I like that, and I hope that this reaches many others!
Reply
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Owner
:iconmilky--rabbit:
milky--rabbit Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
lol u ok?
Reply
:iconahem004:
Ahem004 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2018
That's my bait.
Reply
:iconwerks4:
werks4 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
???
Reply
:iconahem004:
Ahem004 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2018
Are you telling me what you said wasn't an attempt to draw in people to troll? To "bait"?
Reply
:iconwerks4:
werks4 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yes
Reply
:iconpoeticjassy:
PoeticJassy Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
So powerful and so simple. Beautiful. Amazing work, look forward to more from you.
Reply
:iconskullytherabbit00:
skullytherabbit00 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
very unique color choice. and great symbolic.
Reply
:iconladygammer9:
LadyGammer9 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2018
I was scrolling without caring too much, but my eyes got into your art, again. Your colors, your damn cold colors, always attract me
Reply
:iconbellapepperseeds:
BellaPepperSeeds Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2018  Student Digital Artist
Is it bad that when i read it i said, 'Hi suicidal I'm Nia"?
Reply
:icontippletopple:
TippleTopple Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
This art (kinda) represnts me Ashamed 
Reply
:iconvideodavid:
videodavid Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2018
I know this place. I've been there often.
The charcoal yogurt drink.  
Surrender of belt and shoelaces. 
The food is good and the door is locked. 

I enjoy your art. It has feeling.
Thank you for creating it.
Reply
:iconpicrustable:
picrustable Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2018  Hobbyist Filmographer
Beautiful image. I am glad you are feeling better!
Reply
:iconnashidragonslayr:
NashiDragonSlayr Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2018
hey im nashi
Reply
:iconrainbowselfhelpcafe:
RainbowSelfHelpCafe Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2018  Student General Artist
that three way void, and our split souls and spirits. know that feels all to well plus the follow up.
Reply
:iconkarrukitto:
KarruKitto Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello Im KarruKitto
Reply
:iconofn-johnny:
OFN-Johnny Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2017
No problem, it will pass away. :)
Reply
:iconmei-artx:
Mei-artx Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2017  Student Artist
I'm so sorry this happened! Glad your feeling better!! <3
Reply
:iconspice-twinkle-pop:
Spice-Twinkle-Pop Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
me 3 ....
Reply
:iconfnafartcreator:
FNAFArtCreator Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Me too
Reply
:iconcutseypotatoe:
CutseyPotatoe Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Im in touch with this...... This made me stop thinking bad about me
Reply
:iconrisusui:
Risusui Featured By Owner Edited Sep 9, 2017  Student Traditional Artist
yo tambien pase lo mismo , pero gracias a la ayuda estoy mejor que nunca : D
Reply
:iconarminarlertkawaii:
ArminArlertKawaii Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2017  Student General Artist
I've been trying to overcome depression and self harming for four years. I know the pain, it is hard. I mean, I would go to a hospital but I just don't want to leave everyone. I feel like everyone might judge me for it...
Reply
:iconthatnamewasclaimed:
ThatNameWasClaimed Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2017
Hey. I know this sounds like self-advertising, but I just created a chatroom called Forthedepressed. If you want, we could chat there and it would be more private than doing it here?
Sorry.

Also I suffer from depression and self harming as well. It's nice to know we're not alone.
Reply
:iconthatnamewasclaimed:
ThatNameWasClaimed Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2017
Ughhh.... this is really embarrassing but I've had to delete the chatroom because due to my browser not allowing javascript, it only let me open it once, meaning I wouldn't have been able to let anyone else in (because I couldn't even get in myself.) 
I've tried looking online for solutions, but apparently if you don't have the right browser, you can't use the chat.

HOWEVER If you still want to talk, you can send me notes, which is what other people who also suffer depression have been doing.
I'm real sorry about that Oops! 
Heart
  
Reply
:iconmaggiedrawzstuff:
MaggieDrawzStuff Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're not alone. Trust me.
Reply
:icondevansires:
DevanSires Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2017
A sea of despair no one deserves to have to tread
Reply
:iconyeskingkon:
yesKingKon Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi Suicidal!, I'm Kon
Reply
:iconlkrock04:
LKRock04 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Do you have iFunny?
Reply
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