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Procrastination by DestinyBlue Procrastination by DestinyBlue

I'm just going to sit here and pretend to look busy...

So I do procrastinate. Quite a bit. Daydreaming time away, and with digital art it's all too easy to slip online and get caught in the web.

I finished this drawing a week ago. That was before I knew.

When you go to the doctors about mental health issues, they do tests, make sure it's nothing physical. Okay, they told me, nothing else is wrong, you have a mental issue.

Then I went to the doctors about my difficult physical health. They did tests. Told me it was all in my head. 

I went back and again, 'it's psychological' they said. 

A few days ago I find out that isn't entirely true. They missed something, and my charts have not been read correctly.

It's my blood. It's not working properly, hasn't been for a year at least; not transporting the energy I need. Leaving me feeling dizzy, faint and fatigued. I knew I was tired, knew some days I could't move properly. But I thought, I was told, it was in my head. 

It wasn't. It isn't... not all of it anyway.

If mental health is a black dog, I have a grey dog too. One on either side of me. This last year I have been getting better at taming the black beast, but the grey one has been clawing, biting my heals as I sort out the black.

The good news is that I will probably be able to overcome this physical thing more easily than the mental. I'm undergoing tests with a different doctor, which should root out the cause, and when that's found, there are treatment pathways. Sit, Stay, Roll Over.

I've felt a little like life has passed me by in the last year, like I have tried my hardest to connect, but I can't get in the house, just push myself against the cold windows and look in. Occasionally I can stand on the doorstep while the door is open, smell the cooking inside, hear voices talking excitedly, and I want to go in so badly, but can't quite get past the boundary. 

Depression disconnects, and exhaustion obstructs. My two dark dogs have not made this year easy. But still, I ran a marathon, exhibited at conventions worldwide, but most importantly I survived.

I've been quiet online this year, as I've had a lot to deal with. I hope to make more noise soon 😊

It's looked a lot like I've been procrastinating. But it's mostly been resting. I drew this as catharsis, only to find things are different than I thought. And that's okay, this difference turned out to be good 😊

I will get better. My blood will work again. My brain will work again, and I will work again.

Peace, Love and Second Opinions,

Blue xx

I must extend thanks to my friend Amy, :iconacheronhades: as I did some referencing from a photo of her to create a more realisticdrawing for this, it was a fun challenge to do something a little different :)

~~I'll be at London MCM this coming weekend, where I will have prints of this for sale ~As well as a special show timed exclusive print for you all! :iconblueheartplz:
Here's the series so far: 
Pinky - Limited Release Print! by DestinyBlue Head and Heart - Limited Print by DestinyBlue Sunny - Limited Release Print by DestinyBlue Growing - Limited Print by DestinyBlue Happy Tears- Limited Print by DestinyBlue

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darkfog91 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Those eyes my goodness, those eyes!
Carlos-Alberto-Salv1 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2018  New Deviant Professional Digital Artist
Absolutely astonishing and beautiful artwork!Monkey love i love it Lucy-in-love Heart 3D Inuyasha -love Favorites Icon 3D 
TM9622 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2018
My god ! 
Just perfect Love Clap Clap 
Sketch252 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2018
This is one of my favorite pieces of yours...  And I know how you feel, have panic attacks... but for the last couple years real bad depression, none of the medication they have put me on works at all!!!  I do have diabeites and thyroid problems... I've been drawing my whole live and i can't bring myself to get anything done, it's like i've lost my life!!!
BlueFire666 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2018  Hobbyist
woahhh this looks so realll
gusolsan Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2018  Professional General Artist
Awesome ilustration congratulations!
UsagiYogurt Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
I hope that you'll feel better soon.
Midorigirl36 Featured By Owner May 30, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can never trust doctors, they got my illness wrong too better now though but those months I was in hell. Hey this art kinda resembles Ilya Kuvshinov :3
ShadowDoctrine Featured By Owner May 26, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Cute! Da Vinci Fella (Artists) 
Skittysrule Featured By Owner May 11, 2018
I did a double take when I saw the thumbnail for this because for a moment it looked like a photograph! This is so pretty.
I hope your health improves soon because you're super great and deserve nice things
heartswave Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
excellent picture
i pray u and the dogs will get along soon
chaosaristokrat Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
O.O wow.... just wow. very VERY Good Miss Blue :)
Hope to see more from you soon. Cant believe im not watching you already... Now i do :D
hannahelizabethh Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2018  Student General Artist
ah how are you? i haven't seen any art by you this year. you are a cool person and i love your art.
blackicepond Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2018
Gummy vitamins. I would like to know more about this invisible barrier. I have it too. I create numerous distractions to keep from doing what I should be doing. This render is really good Blue!! <3
blackdoom Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2018
"I'm just going to sit here and pretend to look busy..."
Don't we all? :-)
wulongti Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
while I'm sorry to hear about all the issues you've been dealing with health wise, this image came out fantastic.  I love how much character and personality your figures have.
RandomPerson-10555 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing!
FromArtToMagic Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Amazing work!!
Ejderha-Arts Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You really captured "Procrastination"!
Sometimes I catch myself staring out of the window for I don't know how long, thinking deep thoughts, or maybe no thoughts at all, while my pencil hovers over my drawingpaper.
I wish you well, I wish you peace of mind, I wish you much creativity, I truly wish that you can more noise and enjoy it! :D (Big Grin) 
David-The-Beast Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2018
So beautiful
TineMoellegard Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2018
It's not easy to catch a mood - you did it !!
MxIVIxM Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2018
Your drawing brings life, light, and joy to me when I see them.

Your bright drawing reflects something bright in your soul, and I believe this brightness will eventually outshadow anything black or grey.

Stay strong, and don't forget we believe in you.
stefangrossmann Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2018   Artist
all the best for you and your work is impressive :)
TallE74 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
just stunning and so alive....
xxRisunaxx Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
everything will get better >w<
ATNArt Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very pretty, great workClap 
RebellingLemming3 Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2017
Tabascofanatikerin Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2017  Hobbyist
Is this a self portrait? If yes: You obviously look impressively pretty! :aww: (as well as the artwork itself)
Martsuia Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
no, she has vibrant blue hair
farzmatin Featured By Owner Edited Dec 23, 2017
SVP, zelf onthouden: kindness will never fail you, negative intentions will 
ffyls Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2017
..I now understood that "black creature"..  I've experienced that & it's really frightening..  just glad it's gone now..

..doing better now..!!     [ with a smile ]

  ..gonna do digital again hoping soon..!
farzmatin Featured By Owner Edited Dec 23, 2017
to ffyls: your commentaries are being observed and monitored .. please be kind and good in intent, it will be of benefit for you in the end, as life is mirror of our intentions and words and actions 'tis true, and as such your negative words and actions and intentions will return upon you .. ""kindness will never fail you "", Ancient Quote Code Coat of Peace-Armour
acnero Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
this is super honest, strikingly intimate and gorgeous piece.
cracingbozo7 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm pretty sure this is my favorite piece of art on the internet right now
TheBearhasmyBall Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2017
You oughta get a white dog xD
aahpsno1 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2017
Hi there, My name is Po
I come from Taiwan,Asia

May I also use your awesome artwork for my youtube video  ?
This video will like this…

thanks for reply
OfficialRiptyde Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2017
This piece of art is not a piece. It's half of art. To me this painting os beautiful.
svsdval Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2017
Wonderful work !
QuilChan Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your art is so beautiful I love the qay the color flows and fits the emotion of the art.
Lucid-Waters Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2017  Hobbyist
Keep resting and believe in yourself. God and the Angels are watching over you, so hang in there. They say that bitter trials are often blessings in disguise, and I believe you are going through what you are so that you can learn and teach others from it. You have definitely inspired me over the years, so keep up the good work.

However, I am sorry to hear about your blood. I had a similar problem not too long ago; I had been telling the doctors about physical pains I had been experiencing for months. However, because I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks they just kept telling me it's all in my head, so they wouldn't even give me a thorough examination to look into it.

Recently though, I went to another doctor and he checked me out and said it sounded like neuropathy. He was going to refer me to the neurologist, but instead he just gave me the pills for it. I can't tell if that's because he was just trying to silence my "hypochondriac" needs or because he's a know it all who thinks I don't need to be thoroughly examined because his guess is right.

But... the pills have been working, and neuropathy was honestly what I had been suspecting for a while. Still, I need to kniw the cause of it, so I will ask to be seen by the neurologist. But when you have things like "Major Depressive Disorder" and "Panic Disorder" attached to you, it makes it difficult to get anyone to believe you. So that's why, above all, believe in yourself. I will pray for you ❤
Lucyann-san Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Even though I typically advocate people listening to doctors, I also advocate doctors listening to people!! I've read too many stories of doctors who've told their patients they're imagining their sickness only for those people to have a drastic complication another doctor picks up on and wonders why the patient didn't get treatment earlier. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I know you'll pull through as always! You are an inspiration, truly!
Summer-Lime Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Do you drink a lot of milk? A few years ago I found out I'd been drinking too much of it and it was draining all the iron from my blood, making me lethargic. I had to eat bad-tasting pills for weeks.
FairestMoss Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2017
My mother suffers from borderline personality disorder and schizzoaffective disorder. When we started seeing a neurologist about some mysterious seizures I suddenly started having, he just kept telling my mother she was hysterical and that I was fine. Turns out though those odd seizures were being caused by a brain malformation, and by waiting until I went half blind to do anything about it that doctor almost got me killed from his negligence and bias. Doctors really need to learn that even if someone has real mental health issues that doesn't mean they can't know what they're talking about.

I'm glad you finally got that figured out Blue, and I'm wishing the best for you getting your energy back in the future.

As for feeling kinda bad about all of it, I feel like you're discounting some of the strides you've been able to make. Sure this year wasn't easy, but from what I've seen it looks like you've been able to deepen your understanding for all of this a lot. You may not feel like you've done much, and believe me I can understand that feeling, but I believe you've actually done a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. And in terms of connection, I don't know if you really want to focus on connections with people you can actually go and physically meet up with, but if you would be willing to try to make a friend online I would love to try and be friends with you. I've wanted to for a long time, and I admit I'm not all that great with new people, but I want to try and I'd love if you'd give me that chance.
Clmaic Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i love it.. its so good i though it was a real life person. I love your art so much destiny
AnimatedGeek100 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2017  Student Filmographer
Very nice piece! Probably my favorite so far! Best of luck taming the grey dog!
nicogh9 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL work yet again from arguably my all time favorite artist.:heart: Probably one of the most realistic things you've ever made!! I'm in love!!!!!!!!!!
PennTheWriter Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2017
I'm so so glad you discovered the grey dog, and now you can recover. I'm so proud of you. And the art is so beautiful and realistic!
Stay marvelous!
Lots of love,
c0mm0nn3rd Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep on going kiddo! Forward!
Krys-Runsonlattes Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I am very sorry you are going through all this.  I wish there was some way to help.  I wish doctors would listen and pay attention when you say something is wrong.
This piece is so very amazing! And so very different from other works I've seen from you.  I do, however, seem to love nearly everything you post.  The one or 2 pieces I don't 'love', I really like, so you are amazing. Heart Heart Heart Heart 
Dawn-of-Fire Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2017  Professional General Artist
Hang in there <3
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Submitted on
October 22, 2017
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