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By DestinyBlue   |   Watch
6K 225 31K (1 Today)
Published: October 22, 2017
© 2017 - 2019 DestinyBlue

I'm just going to sit here and pretend to look busy...

So I do procrastinate. Quite a bit. Daydreaming time away, and with digital art it's all too easy to slip online and get caught in the web.

I finished this drawing a week ago. That was before I knew.

When you go to the doctors about mental health issues, they do tests, make sure it's nothing physical. Okay, they told me, nothing else is wrong, you have a mental issue.

Then I went to the doctors about my difficult physical health. They did tests. Told me it was all in my head. 

I went back and again, 'it's psychological' they said. 

A few days ago I find out that isn't entirely true. They missed something, and my charts have not been read correctly.

It's my blood. It's not working properly, hasn't been for a year at least; not transporting the energy I need. Leaving me feeling dizzy, faint and fatigued. I knew I was tired, knew some days I could't move properly. But I thought, I was told, it was in my head. 

It wasn't. It isn't... not all of it anyway.

If mental health is a black dog, I have a grey dog too. One on either side of me. This last year I have been getting better at taming the black beast, but the grey one has been clawing, biting my heals as I sort out the black.

The good news is that I will probably be able to overcome this physical thing more easily than the mental. I'm undergoing tests with a different doctor, which should root out the cause, and when that's found, there are treatment pathways. Sit, Stay, Roll Over.

I've felt a little like life has passed me by in the last year, like I have tried my hardest to connect, but I can't get in the house, just push myself against the cold windows and look in. Occasionally I can stand on the doorstep while the door is open, smell the cooking inside, hear voices talking excitedly, and I want to go in so badly, but can't quite get past the boundary. 

Depression disconnects, and exhaustion obstructs. My two dark dogs have not made this year easy. But still, I ran a marathon, exhibited at conventions worldwide, but most importantly I survived.

I've been quiet online this year, as I've had a lot to deal with. I hope to make more noise soon 😊

It's looked a lot like I've been procrastinating. But it's mostly been resting. I drew this as catharsis, only to find things are different than I thought. And that's okay, this difference turned out to be good 😊

I will get better. My blood will work again. My brain will work again, and I will work again.

Peace, Love and Second Opinions,

Blue xx

I must extend thanks to my friend Amy, :iconacheronhades: as I did some referencing from a photo of her to create a more realisticdrawing for this, it was a fun challenge to do something a little different :)

~~I'll be at London MCM this coming weekend, where I will have prints of this for sale ~As well as a special show timed exclusive print for you all! :iconblueheartplz:
Here's the series so far: 
Pinky - Limited Release Print! by DestinyBlue Head and Heart - Limited Print by DestinyBlue Sunny - Limited Release Print by DestinyBlue Growing - Limited Print by DestinyBlue Happy Tears- Limited Print by DestinyBlue

Image size
847x1128px 453.92 KB
Adobe Photoshop CS6 (Windows)
anonymous's avatar
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DarkUnknow's avatar
DarkUnknowHobbyist Digital Artist
Tard wow 
EdGarcia's avatar
"I'm contemplating a question.NOT the one you just asked me. MY question,do you want to go out and get Chinese food?"
zubair43's avatar
zubair43Hobbyist Digital Artist
darkfog91's avatar
darkfog91Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Those eyes my goodness, those eyes!
Carlos-Alberto-Salv1's avatar
Carlos-Alberto-Salv1Hobbyist Digital Artist
Absolutely astonishing and beautiful artwork!Monkey love i love it Lucy-in-love Heart 3D Inuyasha -love Favorites Icon 3D 
TM9622's avatar
My god ! 
Just perfect Love Clap Clap 
Sketch252's avatar
This is one of my favorite pieces of yours...  And I know how you feel, have panic attacks... but for the last couple years real bad depression, none of the medication they have put me on works at all!!!  I do have diabeites and thyroid problems... I've been drawing my whole live and i can't bring myself to get anything done, it's like i've lost my life!!!
BlueFire666's avatar
BlueFire666Hobbyist Digital Artist
woahhh this looks so realll
gusolsan's avatar
gusolsanProfessional General Artist
Awesome ilustration congratulations!
UsagiYogurt's avatar
UsagiYogurtProfessional General Artist
I hope that you'll feel better soon.
Midorigirl36's avatar
Midorigirl36Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can never trust doctors, they got my illness wrong too better now though but those months I was in hell. Hey this art kinda resembles Ilya Kuvshinov :3
ShadowDoctrine's avatar
ShadowDoctrineHobbyist Photographer
Cute! Da Vinci Fella (Artists) 
Skittysrule's avatar
I did a double take when I saw the thumbnail for this because for a moment it looked like a photograph! This is so pretty.
I hope your health improves soon because you're super great and deserve nice things
heartswave's avatar
heartswaveHobbyist General Artist
excellent picture
i pray u and the dogs will get along soon
chaosaristokrat's avatar
chaosaristokratHobbyist Traditional Artist
O.O wow.... just wow. very VERY Good Miss Blue :)
Hope to see more from you soon. Cant believe im not watching you already... Now i do :D
hannahelizabethh's avatar
hannahelizabethhStudent General Artist
ah how are you? i haven't seen any art by you this year. you are a cool person and i love your art.
blackicepond's avatar
Gummy vitamins. I would like to know more about this invisible barrier. I have it too. I create numerous distractions to keep from doing what I should be doing. This render is really good Blue!! <3
blackdoom's avatar
"I'm just going to sit here and pretend to look busy..."
Don't we all? :-)
wulongti's avatar
wulongtiHobbyist Digital Artist
while I'm sorry to hear about all the issues you've been dealing with health wise, this image came out fantastic.  I love how much character and personality your figures have.
RandomPerson-10555's avatar
RandomPerson-10555Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing!
FromArtToMagic's avatar
FromArtToMagicHobbyist Digital Artist
Amazing work!!
Ejderha-Arts's avatar
Ejderha-ArtsHobbyist Traditional Artist
You really captured "Procrastination"!
Sometimes I catch myself staring out of the window for I don't know how long, thinking deep thoughts, or maybe no thoughts at all, while my pencil hovers over my drawingpaper.
I wish you well, I wish you peace of mind, I wish you much creativity, I truly wish that you can more noise and enjoy it! :D (Big Grin) 
anonymous's avatar
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