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Call Off the Search by DestinyBlue Call Off the Search by DestinyBlue
I just want to be lost for a while...

I'm back in psychiatric hospital, but hopefully for not too long. This one is a good one at least.
Just had a rough patch. I haven't needed the ward for 2 years, and I don't think this will be a long stay.
Thanks for your support though this time.

Feel free to interpret the painting how you feel, I'd love to hear your understanding of it 💙

Peace, Love and Alone Time,
Blue x

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~Featured Art~
I'm Complicated by DestinyBlue Depression by DestinyBlue All Wrong by DestinyBlue Fight for your Stripes by DestinyBlue Connected by DestinyBlue Flourish by DestinyBlue/b>
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TheTinfoilRat Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Artist
I LOVE the colours - especially that sorta sparkly effect just on the surface of the water.
heartswave Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
beautifuly done as always
I hope you'll feel better soon wishing you all the luck
ClaytoneCarpe Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Professional Writer
J'aime beaucoup.  +|F2U|+ Saphire Sea Turtle 
Yilleo Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is really beautiful and very much hit home with me... In August I started my freshman year of college. In October I was hospitalized for the first time for self harm, what I might call a "suicide attempt-attempt"... and now I'm back home. I feel completely lost and adrift in life. Bobbing under the water, not knowing which was is up or down. People think that since they finally know I "have depression", they have found me and can call off the search. "You're medicated now, you're back to drawing and looking for a job and smiling, that means you're all better, right??"

I am not all better.

I am so, so lost.
Caine-of-Nod Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Simply Marvelous Artwork!!! Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap
  P.S. Reminds me of when I just want people to leave me alone and don't hassle me about their lives and business. Sweating a little... 
King-ly Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope you feel better soon and can get healthy again!! It's good that you haven't had to go to a ward for two years but hopefully this trip will help you!! Stay strong <33
Mangagirl18 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2018
Gorgeous picture. :hug:
farzmatin Featured By Owner Edited Nov 1, 2018
Beautiful painting! God Bless, Protect, Heal and Show you The Way. Sending lots and lots of Loving Embraces and Healing Prayers and Light your way Sweet Beautiful Destiny <3 <3 <3 i see the painting as you hiding from those who hurt you and wanting to find you, yet you hide in deep water (not easy), waiting patiently and in loneliness for God's Loving Arms/The True Light of God and future LifePartner (Spouse) to find and save you? if this sounds way off or this comment or any others' comments distress you in any way, please feel free to delete it at your convenience. When we surrender to God's Will and Love ourself profoundly, unconditioned of how others viewed/view or treated/treat us, we allow The Loving Arms of God/our Higher Self that Loves Us Profoundly and Unconditionally, to Embrace and Console us in our times of need. i am so sorry you are going thru so much. Mahshahlah and Bahricalah in your Beauty, Strength, Resilience and Positive Attitude. Bravo Destiny! :) i understand what you are going thru as i am going thru loneliness and have gone to psychiatric wards for delusitory realities and am on neuroleptic Fluanxol (R) (feel free to ask for it at the clinics where you live, it is called Flupenthixol as its generic/pseudo-chemical name) intramuscular (IM) shots every two weeks that works well to keep me grounded and in a good sleep cycle and also in one timeline reality at a time so that my timelines or realities don't cross and cause me mental turmoil; and i still go thru and go thru spells of emotional and mental upheaval from time to time due to my own past sexual abuse traumas and rejection and abandonment by our dad when i was pre-pubescent and growing up. i was also bullied for most of my life and have learned to say no when i need to respect my own boundaries. please do not be shy to say NO to people who may encroach upon your physical or sexual or emotional boundaries. i am a pleaser too and yet saying NO has come more natural for me. Saying NO is OK Sweet Destiny, and there is no need to justify or give reason to your decision to say NO; if anyone ever crosses your boundaries of any type, you can just say, "my answer is NO, because I am Honouring my Boundaries, So please stop asking for justification!" :) Know that you are doing fine, Sweet Destiny, and Will & Shall Continue to Shine As A Wonderful Angelic Star that you are :) i was told by an Intuitive Doctor of Classical Homeopathy that i am an 8th dimensional being who travels amongst different dimensions and planes of reality. Quantum physicists Know there are multiple realities and universes so her reading of my energy signature may not be as far fetched as sone may thimk. Perhaps you are also of higher dimensional realms (greater than 5-Dimensional) experiencing various realities because you are evolved/'Older' Soul? if you have any kind of Intuitive Energy Readers of High Reputation in your area of residence, perhaps have her read your Energy/DNA Signature Intuitively as i had mine read. Evolved Souls have psychiatric conditions because they incarnate to break and transmute templates of abuse and harm and threat and social isolation to Love and Peace for humanity. I Believe you are Highly Evolved and an Empath and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who needs to be around Kind and Loving (empathetic, kind) people. i Love You just as you are and Know that You are Loved Profoundly by countless people and Almighty God/Source/Creator/Universe Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Sun +fav Heart Heart Heart Sun Coffee Machine Jamming to mah stereo Teddy Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star!  You could very well be a LightWorker or StarSeed or Twin Flame, or in fact All of the Above. Revelation
Nickstah Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2018
It's what my depression feels/felt like: people looking for ways to help, to understand, and ultimately not succeeding. They were doing their best, but I was lost below the surface, and at some point one has to decide to stop searching.
FireSong-49135 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018
I felt really sad when I saw this! And I got a bit worried about you. "Call off the search" when the female in the water is so close to being found! And the search party just gave up! But then I saw the description underneath and it didn't feel so heart crushing. 

Congrats on not needing the ward for two years. That's impressive! 

I'll send some prayers your way, Blue. <3
pamixx Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Hang on and feel better <3
AquaticJM Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018   General Artist
I love the colors and lighting in this piece~ :)
Kallori Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm no philosophist, but it seems to me to convey a sense of solace in an otherwise turbulent world. The people on the boat might be the ones to bring the ocean girl out of her own void, possibly as a beacon of hope
MetalPorSiempre Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
This is gorgeous
KuroNekoKeef Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2018  New Deviant Professional Artist
Beautiful piece !
Your style/skills is so great !
I can't give you an interpretation to this drawing because the message is so clear, there is no place for interpretation, this is my point of view !
I like very much this one because he make me think to "yin and yang symbol" not with the bright and the dark on either side but with the cold and the warm from down to up ... i think it's the ondulate from the wave at the surface who give me this impression...

There is a lot of different people who can help us to find where is the problem and what is wrong with ourselves, and we need them clearly, but there is only one person who can act for the change, for his lifestyle improvement ... oneself ... in person ...

As we say in HipHop culture :
strength and courage for the future of the events (your future) and May peace accompany you along the path you will follow
RobinTheBard Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Skinny-dipping in the ocean at night while your older uncle fisherman rows out with your older cousin to make sure you're ok
raumreporter Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Yes, i'm not feeling well. No, i don't want any help with that, so keep your distance ... but don't go away.

Personal message:
Best wishes for your stay. Seems to me, you're getting better. Hope this community is part of what helped you with that.
Ashleeyn Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2018
nina-krowelitz Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful :D
DeltaScope Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018
Stay strong and remember that there's always sunshine after the storm.
Always remember that there are many people who care about you: Friends, family, and maybe even a few people here on deviantart.

Six months ago I had a little sister. She felt she was alone. The depression was very hard on her. She was loved by many but for some reason she didn't see it herself. It pains me to know that there are still so many people who grieve for her and would do anything to see her smile again.

Never lose hope. There's always people who you can call at any time of the day. 
Now believe me when I say it that life is really worth it and you are loved by many.
schnarre Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018
...A wonderful pic! I hope everything goes well for you Blue!! :hug:
Caracat47 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ready2Create Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018   General Artist
Aww, dearie!  I pray you will recover:hug:
litatokun Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
What a wonderful artwork, it's truly breathtaking. I love everything about it <3
KasameBakame Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
get well soon! ^^
abeLuna Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your artwork is so amazing, keep it coming! 🎨🖼
Ejderha-Arts Featured By Owner Edited Oct 28, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I’m wishing you strength, love and happiness!
Whenever someone was having a hard time or was going to face something in life (be it exams, a journey, sickness) my late grandmother used to say “I’ll light a candle for you”.
This little guiding light was her way of showing her support, that she was thinking of you.
Here’s my little candle for you. Pixel Icon - Blue Candle 
jampixel Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
1) Doesn't the water + light look like angelic wings? So much so if the person (!) under water stretched out, hands outward, legs together plus straight downward, the glowing water would be like her wings.
2) Call of the search and yet there is light. Ever been in a situation where you were dead tired and your eyes were totally zonked out and fried and yet still you could watch some flick on youtube? Where did the power to watch come from?
~~~> From within and without. Strangely enough, light seems to works that way.
3) Please hang in there . . . ____/!\____
TheWarOfTheRing Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Student Writer
Good luck. Sorry, it's all I can think to say
CrazedGallery Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018

This is what I see when I look at this work.  Years ago I wrote this, it is as true for me now, as it was then.  “Society is a riot of color, in the dark all is gray. Only in the dark do we see and feel what we are. Only in the dark do we breed our desires without fear. Only in the dark do the edges mater. Society attempts to force conformity with light and noise. Here in the dark there is freedom from pain and for pain.”   I seek the wilderness often for a different complexity.  Nature’s complexity makes more sense to me. 


In this work I see that man’s works are more transient on the sea.  In its embrace there is peace and freedom to find ourselves, to re-balance my life.  The sea is dark and it teams with life.  I have always found peace on and in the water.  I dive.  The world of man…  Now more than ever is a place I steer clear of as I can. 


Please rest as you can….   It is through your art that people all over the world fine things that draw them and hopefully provide them with ways to look inside themselves to better understand there interactions with the world.  

Wolfy7556 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hope you feel better! You're so strong, keep up the hard work! We support you 110%!
xmercury-angelx Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018
Hope you're okay Blue.  Stay strong :hug:
lightbleueyes Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Student General Artist
This is simply beautiful! :heart: I felt this way for a while until I got on the right meds. It felt like everybody had given up on me. Thank you for making such a stunning piece! :heart:
AnimeVampireFan Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018
I hope you feel better! All of us here on DA are supporting you. Just take your time and do what you need to recover. 
Neelai Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
seanpt Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Student General Artist
Very nice. I feel like I just want to be lost often... it helps to get away from everything sometimes. Glad you are finding some space to find what you need. :hug:
anime1999 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
JuliaUnverdorben Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wonderful colors
pocketbeetle Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
your art speaks volumes. i hope someday i can make art that speaks like yours <3
Sunjinjo Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad to hear you're doing well, considering ^^ Get well soon, though!
This is a beautiful depiction. I imagine the surface world is real life, and she's planning to stay away from it for a while, retracting into her own mind. Incidentally, when I meditate, I often begin by envisioning myself sinking down into an immense deep dark ocean where everything is still and silent and I don't need to focus on anything, so this resonates with me ^^
flabbergastingdragon Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ColdSunRising Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018
With nurture and nature, the perfect combination brewed such that I formed BPD. I would hide behind my ideals hoping that in my social life, I would find meaningful interactions with people. I seldom did and what I did find, I was too ready to abandon. I was sardonically gleeful to think of the world as a soulless beast where those that resided (myself included) in it actively chose to ignore the impending doom of themselves and others as the chased their petty pursuits. This perspective is not absolute, as I now see.  

What I have found is that the one submerged, must muster the incredible strength, hope, and/or desperation to stick their arm out of that water. That is to not say the submerged doesn't have strength if they don't do this as it requires great strength to stay submerged, but they must do so to the right individual. For me, once I discovered what ailed me, I had to rail against my being of 25 years and stick my arm out of the water. A therapy center clasped my hand, and they soon led me gently to a proper therapist whom then took my hand in their stead. I don't speak as once with undeniable truth. This is all recent, but this is what I am taking away from my experience. 

Of course there is a time to stay hidden and be small. It is a precarious balance of being able to recognize what is needed; should I stay hidden or reach out. I haven't figured it out yet. 
Shizuko-Akatsuki Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"Some people are doing way worse than you, and they don't complain !"
"Can't you just be normal ?"
"You should be over it by now !"
"You just want attention !"
"I don't believe you can be sad over this, it's not even a problem !"
Sometimes reaching out to people and trying to explain them about my pain makes me even more sad, because of their reactions :( So I just pretend to be fine

Anyway, wonderful painting :D I sincerely hope thigns will get better for you, you deserve it. Your art always brings me tons of inspiration and comfort, I'm glad you exist tbh !
JohnnyCurcio Featured By Owner Edited Oct 27, 2018  Professional Writer
This hit me right in my feels....

I'm happy to see that you are feeling better.
VanessaKo Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018
ThEpOnDdUcK Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
trying to be that light for when my mentally ill siblings choose to look up

but my light i cannot see. a few glimmers here and there. but maybe that's just the moon reflecting? i guess ill just go on searching for people that i can help instead, at least that keeps me busy (until im in bed and try to sleep)
YoucandoA Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018
Reach wonderful lights. Love the colors
Swallowtailnights Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
"The surface of the water betrays the nature of the surf, its calm layer not truely conveying the conflicting currents; each way pulling an indecisive ocean while we lay adrift just beneath the peaceful Notions of the surface the light of others twisting in the crashing and contortions of rushing water.

You are there, so close and may even be within reach but the den of the sirens is where i am currently home and there lies an embrace of cold affection i find for myself, do not leave but do not wretch me from my cradle of deep blue, i will join you all once the surface and still water beckon me home"

Sorry got a little lost in there x.x this is just incredible and tells a story without words, your work never ceases to amaze, i'm happy to have heard you were getting the support in time of need, you don't need me to tell you that many of us will continue to be right here for you with each our own hand and light to offer in the dark and with a stumble

Pretty sure my interpretation is not so much out there as confusing
DarthMcLeod Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018  Student
The gods know I have days like that where I have a private little stress meltdown.  Where I just want to roll up in a ball and try to make it all go away for a while (It never does). 
Silverlion Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2018
Someone kind has lit a light, to call you free. Very much a good inspiration for my #be_a_beacon hashtag on Twitter and Facebook. We've got to be lights in the dark world we live in because many need that gentle light, and guiding warmth. You are suffering, and I wish so much I could wave hands and take that away. I can't.

Can't do it for myself either, nor can I do it for others--but I can show others that those of us who've been there, remember, those of us who suffer mental illness, we've been in that darkness and needed a light. Now, I can be a tiny light for others, be kind. I can be a beacon, showing the light of hope, and what little strength I've managed to fight for keeping it aloft for others. We're in this world together, ill or not. We know its pains. We share its suffering. But we can be a comfort to one another, and bring that light forward. Not even talking about religion or the like. Just being kind, gentle, helpful, human beings and we ignite.

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Submitted on
October 26
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