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Destiny-Smasher

Despite everything, still you <3
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2020's been a very weird year so far, huh? And I suspect it will only get weirder and harder by the time it ends. Even those of us not dealing with personal losses will likely be dealing with financial hardships as the systems we are all stuck being cogs in strain under the circumstances, never built to protect us but to protect those we serve.


But, anyway, I figured I'd update anyone still watching this space with what I have been up to.

I managed to escape retail hell at last, moving from California to southern England to get married. I am now looking for freelance work to help contribute to our new life together.


I got into motion graphics, which I had to drop for a year or so, but am now ready to start getting back into.


I finished Season 1 of Arcadian Rhythms, my most elaborate fandom narrative project to date and likely the last big one I will ever work on.


I made a small and silly Game Boy game for my wife as a holiday present.


I gave the visual novel of All Wounds a substantial update, and have finally had to put that project to rest - tldr is it's simply too big and too ambitious for a single person to work on, and it's a drain on resources that, at this point, would be better spent on my own original projects. I'm still proud of what I managed to accomplish with All Wounds, both as a fanfic and as a visual novel, and how I was able to merge very personal and intimate ideas and themes with a sense of closure for the original game's story.


I have started work on an original novel about two lesbians who will fall in love by playing e-sports together, and I have begun working in earnest on my own original visual novel, using the old concept I had built with DownRight Fierce. If you wish to follow updates on that, or check out work in progress stuff from the past year or so on any of the things I've worked on, you can check out our Patreon over here.


If you wish to commission me for writing, editing, motion graphics, video stuff, you can always shoot me a DM on Twitter or send me an e-mail. ON average, I tend to charge $10 per 1,000 words, and I'll likely take on something as big or as small as you're interested in, provided I'm capable of working on it! The most common thing people have commissioned from me have been one-shots and short stories, but I've been commissioned for a multi-part fic, editorial, and writing for a visual novel prototype, as well - keep in mind that I am able to make those, so if you wanted to commission someone to write and/or code a VN, I could do that! Or a small Game Boy game like the one I posted above? Or maybe you'd like some motion graphics edited for a video? I am capable of working on a variety of things.


Twitter is the best place to be updated when I post things, and at some point soon I'll likely make an account strictly for updates on whatever I am working on. In the meantime, I barely use Tumblr these days but usually will post whatever I am working on over there, as well, so there is that.


Anyway, hope you're all staying safe and getting by during these crazy times.

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A few updates -- this space has been pretty quiet for a long time now, though I do upload things here as they get made. If you want more regular updates on All Wounds, you'll definitely want to follow the Tumblr blog for it.

2016 fucking SUCKED for me for the majority of the year. I faced more toxic fandom drama in the LiS fandom than I EVER did with ATLA/LOK, I fell into some serious depression, and all the while, I fell way behind on developing All Wounds. That said, the project is far from dead, I've just been needing a break due to the holiday stress (plus, I spent November/December writing a chunky LapiDot giftfic); I'm also in an actual romantic relationship for the first time in like five years, and it's easily the most healthy and exciting one I've ever been in to date, so I've been prioritizing that.

Also big news: I came out recently as actively wanting to pursue transitioning my gender. This has been a long time coming, and frankly, it's going to be a LONG process. A huge part of this is that I am still stuck in the same retail job I've had for almost three years, with no sign of an escape. I am so tired...This job has paralyzed any progress my life could have, I'm stuck living paycheck to paycheck, far too tired and stressed out to focus on my creative work like I used to be able to...and on top of it, EVERY time I try to do job hunting, I just...can't fucking find anything better.

It's with this context that I want to mention that after I get the next chapter or two of All Wounds posted, I'm going to try opening commissions for one-shots/flash-fiction to help raise money for things to aid me in my transition, as well as the upcoming Nintendo Switch console. (if people want to donate, any money donated will 100% go toward things aiding in my transition; if I take any commissions I might put that toward gaming)

The fact is, our generation just isn't so interested in spending money on writing like we are videos, or music, or drawing. That's just how it is, and I can't seem to figure out a way to capitalize on my skills because I'm too exhausted from...work, from LIVING, to be able to FINISH anything well enough to self-publish.

Either way, in the months ahead, expect more All Wounds chapters as I try to finish the story up. My goal is to finish the project by the end of 2017, with the fic being finished by the summer and the fall/winter being time I dedicate to coding and editing the visual novel. This will still be a lot of work, but it's a realistic goal all the same, especially if I'm able to find a better job situation (which honestly feels hopeless right now, but meh).

Anyway. So.
That's what's going on with me lately. Expect another journal post in a month or so re: commissions on the side.

Either way, thanks so much for everyone who has supported my work and who continues to follow it.
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Let's cut to the chase.
The first public version of my fan-game, All Wounds, following the main story of Life is Strange, is now up for folks to try out.

All Wounds (Life is Strange) - FIRST DEMO by Destiny-Smasher lis-allwounds.tumblr.com/post/…

This fandom project is an adaptation of the fic I've been writing and posting. The current version has a tutorial and a playable version of Chapter 1, though much of the art and some of the sound is still missing.
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End of 2015

2 min read
So, my Core Membership will be expiring soon, and lately my DA doesn't get nearly enough traffic these days to warrant me extending it. SO. Some...stuff with this space will likely be different in a few days?

Updates on things.
Life is Strange: All Wounds - Visual Novel demo is in progress.
Rokudai - Visual Novel demo also in progress.

Still writing both of those projects, still will be writing more DownRight Fierce, as well. My attention is scattered these days between retail hell, depression, visual novel coding, fic writing, gaming, keeping up with the handful of shows I care about, and struggling as hell to socialize with people.

PS if you are one of the few folks I have reached out to over the past week or so and have gotten back to me, thank you so much. I desperately need social interaction with some fresh faces right now so thank you.

This page might revert to a blander version of its current self but rest assured that I am Staying Determined and will continue to be creating content and commissioning artwork. I will likely post Visual Novel demos as 'deviations' with links or something when they are ready. If you are interested in 'beta-testing' either visual novel, drop me a line and maybe I'll send you a prototype build to provide feedback on.

Thanks to those of you who still follow my work and take the time to leave your support. It means a lot.
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Just a Pearl

8 min read





“No matter how hard I try to be strong like you,
I’m just a Pearl.

I’m useless on my own.

I need someone to tell me what to do.”

-

“So…Who do you belong to, anyway?”

“Nobody!”

“Then…what are you for?”

“-O_O-”
-


These quotes from Steven Universe have been sorely relatable these days, as I find myself sinking back into a state of depression. For years, I've had no romance in my life, no job outside of retail hell (which somehow just keeps getting more and more exhausting), no success in my writing (despite how very much I am pouring into original, thought-out projects), no success in my finances (at this rate, I'll be in debt for the rest of my life due to college, and I can't even afford to take care of my progressively worsening dental problems, PLUS, I don't seem to have any future beyond my current life renting a room in a house with four other people).

On top of all of this, I've come to realize lately that my writing doesn't seem to matter.
It's not good enough on its own to warrant people's time or attention, much less money.
I can't even get my good friends, who I know love and care about me, to read my work these days.

And yet, I see all of my creative peers, from artists to musicians to programmers, all finding success, many even finding jobs doing what they do. When I spend money and time and effort on something to get attention out there for my projects, it never seems to lead anywhere. It doesn't stick. Because, I can only assume, no one gives a shit.

Unlike my creative peers, it seems I'm not good enough on my own.
Not as a writer, not as a friend, not as a lover -- I look back at the past decade of my life and realize this is nothing new. It has always been this way.

SRU, it seems, was just a fluke, because it filled a hole in a fandom. You all came for the Avatar fanfiction, and then pretty everyone left just as soon as I was done with that, even though you were basically reading original fiction in the first place.

I feel very lost in my life right now. The one thing that has been keeping me going is my writing, and to realize that this doesn't seem to matter has caused me to start losing my energy.

I want to write for myself, but it is so very difficult to do that when life has become so mundane, so exhausting, so...lacking in anything resembling a future.

I wasn't built for fighting, and yet I want to fight -- which means I keep getting my ass beat.
Just like Pearl.

I guess in the end, SRU was to me as Rose Quartz was to Pearl.

This magical mystical thing that I was deeply connected to, made me feel special, made me feel valued, gave me purpose, that a bunch of people also cared about and valued and were excited for...

And now that it's gone, it seems I'm useless on my own.


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Spring 2020 - #StayDetermined by Destiny-Smasher, journal

New Year -- 2017 by Destiny-Smasher, journal

LiS All Wounds (First Demo) by Destiny-Smasher, journal

End of 2015 by Destiny-Smasher, journal

Just a Pearl by Destiny-Smasher, journal