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literature

Tsubasa (Wings)

DeiSophia's avatar
By DeiSophia
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12 Comments
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ウイングス
Leaves fall from the sky
unburdened of loyalty.
Drift away dead dreams
#12 (12th April) For NaPoWriMo (will submit all individual haiku as one deviation at the end of the week).
Reattempting to explore Eastern Poetry. I tried this a while ago, and wasn't particularly successful. ウイングス is Japanese and reads "tsubasa". (DeviantArt wouldn't let me use the actual katakana in the title). Oh and I wrote it in Katakana not Hiragana, as although it's a Japanese word, it seems more polite to write it in the "foreigner's script" because I am a foreigner, and probably making a terrible mock of their culture (even though I'm just fascinated by it, and don't intend disrespect).
Feedback and "constructive" criticism is appreciated, as I really am not sure what I'm doing!
Part 1 of a series of seasonal poems...
Part 2 is here
Part 3 is here
Part 4 is here
Published:
© 2015 - 2020 DeiSophia
Comments12
anonymous's avatar
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timeraider's avatar
timeraiderHobbyist Writer
I'm late to the party, but this is fantastic. "Unburdened of loyalty" is a mesmerizing line. It hints at freedom in the wake of the first line, but also death in the latter.
Lady-Yume's avatar
Lady-Yume Writer
Beautifully written, truly :heart:
Leopold002's avatar
Leopold002Hobbyist Writer
Love the image. Captivating!
DeiSophia's avatar
DeiSophiaHobbyist Writer
Thanks! Still not usre if it's quite a haiku... but it's sort of working!
tarawriter's avatar
tarawriterProfessional Writer
Lovely imagery!
DeiSophia's avatar
DeiSophiaHobbyist Writer
:D Thank you!
tommyboywood's avatar
tommyboywoodHobbyist Writer
nice
YamatoDoesArt's avatar
YamatoDoesArtStudent Writer
I love this!
DeiSophia's avatar
DeiSophiaHobbyist Writer
I'm glad you enjoyed it! The second part is up, linked in my artist comments section (and Part 3 & 4 will follow on consecutive days) I hope you'll read them altogether at the end, as they're meant to be viewed as a series :D
Leopold002's avatar
Leopold002Hobbyist Writer
Powerful!
DeiSophia's avatar
DeiSophiaHobbyist Writer
Hey! I've seen you post on and support moonkata84's work! Thanks for reading mine! :)
Leopold002's avatar
Leopold002Hobbyist Writer
Not a problem!
anonymous's avatar
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