Code Red Avenger x Pmsing Reader

Aka How the Avengers deal with a pmsing you

 Tony

“Hello sweetheart.” Tony greeted you as you sat glaring at your coffee for not being hot enough. You sneered at the cheerful man before you while you grabbed a knife smeared with jelly and began to spread it on your toast. You went to dip the knife back into the bottle only to discover it had been moved. You pulled it back to you and quickly resumed preparing your breakfast as Tony hummed beside you. Anger started to build inside you as his humming increased in volume and eventually gave way to singing.

     Thankfully Tony shut up before you grew homicidal. With a sigh of relief you put your focus on making jelly toast instead of not killing your friend, only to find the jelly missing again. With a small growl you stole it from Tony again.

“I was using that.” He complained while he reached for it again. You put a stop to that though by twisting around and pointing the knife at him.

“Move it and die.” You stated as you mentally dared Tony to try anything. You moved along with him as he slowly backed out of the kitchen and practically ran back to the safety of his room.

“JARVIS warn the others that we have a code red.” He demanded as he braved going out his room once again. He let out a breath of relief once he made it into his suit without a problem and without another though to the others he flew away.

 Bruce

“Have you seen Tony?” You asked Bruce, who was just finishing his coffee break. You fell into step with him as the two of you headed for his current project on the other side of the room.

“He left,” Bruce glanced at you wearily, “can I help you with something?”

“Hmm maybe, my heating pad has a short in it.” You looked at the scientist with hope filled eyes. It was killed once Bruce shook his head no.

“Sorry not my forte.” He gave you an apologetic smile before sitting on his workbench and resuming his work. You began to walk away dejectedly when your eyes filled with hope again. You had read somewhere that because of his accident his natural body temperature rose. You weren’t sure if it was true or not but a sly smile spread across your lips anyway as you edged your way closer to the unexpected man. As quickly and discreetly as you could you laid down stomach down across his lap.

“Um (Y/n) what are you doing?” He questioned while he stared down at you.

“If you move me not even the Hulk will be able to save you.” You promised, completely ignoring his question. He groaned and rubbed his head but decided to be wise and let you lay on him while he continued to work.  Until thirty minutes later.

“(y/n) I have to use the restroom.”

 Thor

“Lady (y/n) what treason is this?” Thor cried as he stared at you in disbelief.

“The good kind.” You snapped back as you crumbled more of Thor’s pop tarts over your ice cream. You sent him a large mean grin as you took a spoonful of the lovely concoction and placed it in your mouth. Thor moved to save the rest of his delicious treats but was stopped by one of your favorite threats.

“Touch it and I will stab you to death with my spoon.” You snarled at him before pulling the pop tarts closer to you.

“Lady (y/n) I have fought many dangerous creatures to which you are like a teddy bear.” Thor boasted as he took a step forward. His hand had just wrapped around the box when you brought your spoon down upon his hand.

“The box is empty idiot.” You sneered before stomping off with your ice cream in search of another spoon.

“Has Loki escaped and possessed Lady (y/n)?” Thor wondered aloud as he watched your retreating figure.

 Steve

“Sir I have been directed to alert you that there is a code red.” JARVIS spoke up as soon as his sensors indicated that Steve had indeed awakened.

“What’s a code red?” Poor clueless Steve asked him while he reached for his every ready shield on his bedside table.

“It is when one of the female residents gets their monthly cycle.” JARVIS informed his as the color drained from his face. His time as a dancing monkey taught him that it was a wise choice indeed to hide from said female. Which is exactly what the worlds super solider did, by barricading his door.

“Would you let me know when she’s calmed down?”

“Of course sir.”

 Clint

“(Y/n).” Clint whisper yelled as he crouched in the entryway of your bedroom air vent. When you didn’t stir from beneath your covers he pulled an arrow from his quiver and skewered a bag of chocolate. Silently he notched it and with careful precision shot it into the headboard of your bed. Just as he was turning to leave the bag ripped and the contents spilled out and unto your face. Your eyes popped open and noticed the arrow.

“Clint!” You screeched while yanking it from your bed. You were just about to throw it back at him when you noticed what littered your bed.
“Candy.” You nearly squealed as you grabbed a handful.

“I’m keeping the arrow and if you even try to retrieve it I will stab it in your head.” You smirked around the melting goods in your mouth.

“At least she didn’t throw it.” Clint muttered to himself as he crept away from your room.

 Natasha

“Here.” Natasha barked like usual while she held out a pill bottle. The residents that had been brave enough to face you winced and waited for Natasha’s impendent doom.

“Thanks Tasha.” You gave her a genuine smiled as you swiped the bottle from her hand and popped it open.

“Wait how come you didn’t get threatened?” Clint looked between the two of you as the question hung in the air.

“Because she gave me something that will help the pain, not make me fat.” You rolled your eyes at the dumb archer sitting across the room before getting up and heading out.

Bonus- Loki

    It was late in the afternoon and you were trying to read our favorite book in the now deserted entertainment room when the lights began to flicker. With a groan you closed your eyes and rubbed your already pounding head. When you opened then once more you were staring at everybody’s favorite alien psychopath.

“Hello worthless mortal. I have come to-“

“Loki, shut up. Now I’m going to give you five seconds to get out or I will claw out your eyes, gut you like a pig and set fire to your empty carcass.” You growled out as you stood up with your fists clenched. He stared at you taken aback at your threat and you glared up at him.

“5…4…3”

   Loki’s eyes widened and a fleeting look of fear showed on his face as you took a step closer with every number.

“2…1” You lunged for his face but he was gone a mere seconds before your fingernails could meet their target. With a self-satisfied smirk you returned to the couch and resumed reading your book.

Extra Bonus- Hulk

   You were calmly sitting at the kitchen table decapitating gingerbread men with your mouth and pretending they were your enemies, although those that represented somebody you really hated were dunked in milk first, when an explosion echoed throughout the tower; followed by a loud roar. You ate the remainder of your latest victim, I mean gingerbread man, and sipped your milk while you waited for your large green friend. You had just placed your mug in the sink when Hulk burst through the wall, much like the Kool-Aid man.

“ROAR!!!” Hulk well roared as you turned around to face him. You wiped the spit from your face and smoothed down your now messy hair as you left eye twitched.

“If you ever do that again I swear I rip your throat out and beat you to death with it! Do you understand me?!” You shouted at a volume that rivaled the roar that angered you. Hulk nodded and took a step back before plopping down to the floor.

“Smash?” He asked you in a much quieter tone as he watched you move around the kitchen.

“Sure, let’s go smash Tony’s cars.”