Hey guys, it’s me. Do me a huge favor, send this to Claire (SongbirdCT-The Kitty). I have a feeling she might enjoy it. Claire, this is just for you:
When I first met you, it felt like the earth stopped spinning.
It was just you and me, looking at each other in a moment frozen in time.
When I first kissed you, my soul exploded into fireworks.
You made me so happy.
When I took you to Fortel's Pizza, and then to see Suicide Squad for our first date, that was amazing.
I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I won’t die a sad, lonely, pathetic, anti-social, nerdy beyond words virgin. Why. Because I just took a girl on a date”.
When I first went over to your house, I loved it.
Your family was nice, you looked especially hot, and we had a blast together, playing video games and watching Futurama on Netflix.
When I took you to my homecoming, I was ecstatic.
You looked fucking drop-dead-gorgeous in your dress, and I got to prove to my friends that I wasn’t bullshitting them when I told them that I had a hot girlfriend.
When I heard that one of your brother's friends raped you, I got so mad.
I wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole, and I made a vow to myself that I would never hurt you. I would treat you like a goddess.
When I gave you my Looney Tunes music box, I knew that I loved you.
I wanted to give something special to the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
When we exchanged Christmas presents, I felt warm inside.
I said to myself, “Hey, I’m in an actual relationship. I love my gf.”
When we broke the first time, I felt crushed.
I felt like I screwed myself over, that I was a failure.
I cried for a little while, but then I remained optimistic. I said, “This is just a minor setback. She knows I still love, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll come back.”
I started making artwork of her and me to get over the depression and the feeling of wanting to shoot myself.
When she started responding to my artwork, I felt happy again.
I thought to myself, “Maybe she wants to get back together”.
When I saw an Attack on Titan T-Shirt in Hot Topic, I thought “Oh hell yeah, that would make an awesome Christmas present”.
When I found that she got herself a new boyfriend, I felt a wide range of emotions.
At first, I was mad that she had already managed to move on, and I was still wallowing in heart break and self pity and loathing.
Then, I felt sad, because since she found someone else, we would probably never be getting back together again.
Then, I got scared out of my fucking mind, because I thought she would forget about me.
Just to add a shitty cherry to that shitty cake, my goddamn parents made me return my Christmas gift to her, because they said it might be “awkward” to give your ex a Christmas gift. Can you believe that bullshit?
So, several questions remain. Will I ever get another girlfriend? Will Claire and I ever get back together? Will I die of loneliness? I don’t know. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m willing to accept and, if need be, change it.
Claire, if you’re reading this, I just want you to know that I love you, I shared some of the best moments of my life with you, that there are no hard feelings between us, and that if you need someone to talk to, someone's shoulder to cry on, or someone to watch anime and play video games with, I’ll be here for you.
I hope you guys have a great Nee Years, and a great 2018. Take care everyone. Ciao!