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BAC One-Eleven-200 - CIAS by dave-llamaman BAC One-Eleven-200 - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 13 0 Hawker Siddeley HS748 - CIAS by dave-llamaman Hawker Siddeley HS748 - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 10 0 Vickers Viscount - CIAS by dave-llamaman Vickers Viscount - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 12 0 de Havilland DH114 Heron - CIAS by dave-llamaman de Havilland DH114 Heron - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 10 3 de Havilland DH104 Dove - CIAS by dave-llamaman de Havilland DH104 Dove - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 12 0 Avro York - CIAS by dave-llamaman Avro York - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 14 0 Douglas DC-3C - CIAS by dave-llamaman Douglas DC-3C - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 14 0 de Havilland Dragon Rapide - CIAS by dave-llamaman de Havilland Dragon Rapide - CIAS :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 14 0
Literature
Skipjack the Ripper
Skipjack the Ripper, the Dreaded Water Pistol Assailant (of Old Kingston-Upon-Hull Town)
Gather round my friends, while I tell ’ee a tale. It was on this day, back in 1919, that the first in a series of serious incidents of seriousness occurred over two months and thirty-five days (work that one out if you can) in the bustling metropolis that was… Hull.
    Okay, “bustling metropolis” is a bit of a stretch, even a century ago. Frankly, “crap hole” is still looking a bit weak. But nonetheless, Hull was and is a place that exists. And in those heady days before we had to contend with the sheer unadulterated existence of Piers Morgan, many things were afoot there. (Can many things be afoot? Should it be afeet? I dunno.)
But! On the evening of 6 March Mr Fred Polecat was walking along the docks in the general direction of a pub, any pub, when a shadowy figure lurched out of a nearby doorway in front of him. By the light of a passing coal
:icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman
:icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 1 0
Literature
Meanwhile in Barnsley...
Nar then youth, owz tha bin?
I mun tell thi a tale tharrappened to me t’other day. Me an me bruvver kem in after ard day darn pit. Black brite we wor, like Papa Lazarou in a coil cellar at midneet.
    ‘Wierzat packet o choccie biccies, ar kid?’ e sez. ‘Am reight clemmed.’
    ‘Sin tin,’ ah teld im, pointin at biscuit barrel.
    ‘Tin’t in tin,’ e sez. So I as a skeg, an e were reight! Sumtwat ad nicked all us scran! Kitchen were like Owd Muvver Ubberd’s. An not just that, neither. Bastards ad ad telly away an all.
    ‘Sumdy’s buggered off wi’ us snap,’ ar kid sez, master o t’fuckin obvious.
    ‘Well bugger me wi’ rough end o’a rotatin pineapple,’ sez I, ‘ah do believe tha’s reight. Any other flashes o genius insight thier, Sherlock? Mebbe tha’s got sum news on what bears do
:icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman
:icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 2 6
Fairey Gannet AS.1 - RCIAC by dave-llamaman Fairey Gannet AS.1 - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 18 4 Cessna 172H Skyhawk - RCIAC by dave-llamaman Cessna 172H Skyhawk - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 15 0 Percival Provost T.1 - RCIAC by dave-llamaman Percival Provost T.1 - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 13 0 de Havilland Vampire T.11 - RCIAC by dave-llamaman de Havilland Vampire T.11 - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 17 0 Westland Whirlwind Mk.2 - RCIAC by dave-llamaman Westland Whirlwind Mk.2 - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 16 0 Bell H-13H Sioux - RCIAC by dave-llamaman Bell H-13H Sioux - RCIAC :icondave-llamaman:dave-llamaman 17 0

Favourites

U.S.S. Ares Side by Side by stourangeau U.S.S. Ares Side by Side :iconstourangeau:stourangeau 73 5 5000 Light Years From Earth by Kurumi-Morishita 5000 Light Years From Earth :iconkurumi-morishita:Kurumi-Morishita 113 20 Shego - Kim Possible by Kinpatsu-Cosplay Shego - Kim Possible :iconkinpatsu-cosplay:Kinpatsu-Cosplay 600 16 Lightning by Daniel-Wales-Images Lightning :icondaniel-wales-images:Daniel-Wales-Images 106 11 With Friends Like Zog... by IcehawkPrime With Friends Like Zog... :iconicehawkprime:IcehawkPrime 8 5 JF-17 Thunder by poptartbandwagn JF-17 Thunder :iconpoptartbandwagn:poptartbandwagn 4 0 GR4 by ArtistNumber3 GR4 :iconartistnumber3:ArtistNumber3 24 6 BAE Systems Nimrod MRA4 by GeneralTate BAE Systems Nimrod MRA4 :icongeneraltate:GeneralTate 26 1
Literature
A very late arrival
Way past midnight I heard a distinct thump from downstairs. Thumps in the night are generally not good, especially when one’s bedtime reading is of a ghostly nature. It woke me up and filled me with dread. Could the ghost from Bickley hall have emerged from the paperback now resting on my bedside table?
I looked towards my husband – alias the Walrus – snoring beside me, his huge moustache flapping with each exhalation, hence his nickname. The moustache grew bigger each day – soon it would attain its own sentience. Could I rouse him to investigate the thump?
Then came a groan. Hubby slept on. An earthquake would not wake him. A glass of cold water poured over his face might. There was a glass temptingly within reach on my bedside table. Could I? Should I?
Suddenly I found some inner strength. I girded my loins, or at least I would have done if I had loins and something to gird them with, then put on my best dressing gown and crept downstairs.
The living room door
:iconshelleypalmer:shelleypalmer
:iconshelleypalmer:shelleypalmer 6 11
Departure by GrahamTG Departure :icongrahamtg:GrahamTG 169 18 Fiat G.91N - RNoAF, 333 squadron, Orland air base by Sport16ing Fiat G.91N - RNoAF, 333 squadron, Orland air base :iconsport16ing:Sport16ing 5 1 =HTTYD= Night Light Family by LeoKatana =HTTYD= Night Light Family :iconleokatana:LeoKatana 1,897 85 Fuck-ups come in various ways. by Gtfir Fuck-ups come in various ways. :icongtfir:Gtfir 28 6 Danger Zone by Gtfir Danger Zone :icongtfir:Gtfir 38 1 Arado Ar 234P-2 [DE-AH] by the-roast Arado Ar 234P-2 [DE-AH] :iconthe-roast:the-roast 10 0 Shipbucket Scale 757-200 by Seluryar Shipbucket Scale 757-200 :iconseluryar:Seluryar 3 0

Critiques

Groups

Activity


BAC One-Eleven-200 - CIAS
Channel Islands Air Service entered the jet age in 1967 with the acquisition of a pair of BAC One-Eleven-200 short-haul airliners. An order for a full fleet to replace the Viscount on European routes would not come to fruition, however. After a brief spell in CIAS service the pair of -200s were transferred to the Royal Channel Islands Air Corps for VIP transport duties, with the orders changed to the more capable -475 and -500 models for the Service's successor, the part-privatised Aurigny.
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Hawker Siddeley HS748 - CIAS
The final replacement for the Dakota came in the form of the HS748. A number of DC-3's had remained in service on less intensive routes into the 1960s that would not have been economical to operate the Viscount on. These ageing airframes were finally replaced with the turboprop-powered HS748, which would in turn remain in service until the 1990s on passenger services and continued to ply its trade in the airfreight role for another decade.
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Vickers Viscount - CIAS
The turbine-powered Viscount replaced the York fleet and part of the DC-3 fleet in the mid-1950s. Compared to the unpressurised piston-engined aircraft, the Viscount was almost silent and provided a far more pleasurable flight experience. They would spend twenty years operating around Europe with CIAS and its successor in the passenger role, seeing out their service lives as freighters.
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de Havilland DH114 Heron - CIAS
The bigger Heron was the largest aircraft to operate out of Alderney at the time of its delivery. They gave great service for many years until their replacement became mandated by increasing servicability issues and maintenance costs.
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de Havilland DH104 Dove - CIAS
Replacing the Dragon Rapide in CIAS service, the DH104 Dove provided a much-improved service in and around the Channel Islands. Flying both domestic and short-range international flights, these venerable little aircraft would carry on in service for the remainder of CIAS's existence and operate with its successor for a good few years too.
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Avro York - CIAS
For long-range services, the only game in town in 1948 for the money the Channel Islands Air Service had to play with (read: bugger-all) was the Avro York. Although slow, noisy and unpressurised, the York would nonetheless fly around Europe in CIAS colours that were nicked from inspired by those of BOAC. The Yorks would serve for around a decade before CIAS was permitted to finance new aircraft in the form of the Vickers Viscount turboprop airliner.

*                            *                            *

The house colours of the CIAS are solidly based on those of the real life Jersey Air Services airline, which in turn were basically just nicked from post-war BOAC. The tail logo is a 'lion rampant', as seen on the flag of Alderney and a similar design was used on early Aurigny aircraft.
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Douglas DC-3C - CIAS
The primary aircraft of the Channel Islands Air Service in the service's early years was the DC-3C. A civilian conversion of the venerable Dakota - in this case the C-53 Skytrooper paratroop transport that wasn't equipped with the C-47's reinforced cargo floor - the DC-3C would provide almost two decades of service before being gradually replaced by the Vickers Viscount and Hawker Siddeley HS748.
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de Havilland Dragon Rapide - CIAS
Upon independence, a wholly state-owned corporation was formed by the Channel Islands federation government to control civil aviation for the islands. On interisland services the aircraft of choice was the venerable de Havilland Dragon Rapide. While antiquated the old biplanes were ideally suited to the sort of frequent short hops required between Jersey, Guernsey, Alderney, Normandy and southern England.
    The second-hand Dragon Rapide was delivered to the Channel Islands Air Service in an all-over silver/aluminium paint finish, in order to match the bare metal of the DC-3 and Avro York also in service. Unlike its larger brethren the Dragon fleet was never repainted in the white/grey/navy/gold house colours of CIAS, being replaced after only a few years with the more capable Dove and Heron airliners from the same stable.
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Skipjack the Ripper, the Dreaded Water Pistol Assailant (of Old Kingston-Upon-Hull Town)


Gather round my friends, while I tell ’ee a tale. It was on this day, back in 1919, that the first in a series of serious incidents of seriousness occurred over two months and thirty-five days (work that one out if you can) in the bustling metropolis that was… Hull.
    O
kay, “bustling metropolis” is a bit of a stretch, even a century ago. Frankly, “crap hole” is still looking a bit weak. But nonetheless, Hull was and is a place that exists. And in those heady days before we had to contend with the sheer unadulterated existence of Piers Morgan, many things were afoot there. (Can many things be afoot? Should it be afeet? I dunno.)

But! On the evening of 6 March Mr Fred Polecat was walking along the docks in the general direction of a pub, any pub, when a shadowy figure lurched out of a nearby doorway in front of him. By the light of a passing coalmine, Fred saw that it was a six foot long tuna, balancing on its tail fins and clad in a long black cloak. Fred had never taken magic mushrooms, but he was pretty sure the fish had. Before he could say anything, the tuna pulled a pair of hidden water pistols and proceeded to blast Fred with the freshest water the Humber had to offer. He was lucky to survive.
    
For the next few nights, the enormous fish would jump out at passing hapless proles, scream incomprehensible gibberish to the effect that the NHS could get an extra £350 million a week and open fire on them with a pair of water guns, before knifing it off down the street making a noise like someone slapping a steel bucket with a wet frankfurter. Each to their own.
    
It didn’t take long before the police simply ignored the problem in the hope it went away. However, on the night of 10 April the tuna proceeded to have a go at the Lord Lieutenant of the East Riding. In a sustained attack the fish tweaked the Lord Lieutenant’s nipples, pulled his long johns over his head and painted the words “I LUV MUCKY BOOKS I DOES” on his top hat. Now, fish attacking the general public was one thing, but there was no way that the gentry could be made to suffer such indignity. The police finally took notice.

The Chief Constable of Hull, a title nobody ever truly wanted, set up a special taskforce to track down the terrorist tuna. Named the Fish-Uncovering, Counter-Killing, Watergun & Intelligence Taskforce, the unfortunate members of what became known as Operation FUCKWIT spent their careers as martyrs to acronyms.
    T
heir first job was to prowl the streets like some sort of prowling thing, although this being the police in a provincial port town their attempts were piss-poor at best. Clomping around the docks in size 10 hob-nail boots bellowing “WHAT’S ALL THIS, THEN?” every pair of plates is guaranteed to let even the deafest of offenders know what’s happening, so the rozzers made sod-all progress at first. It was only when the work experience kid, a snotty little git called Willie Chuff, suggested going undercover that things actually started to change.
    
For the first night, the plods of Operation FUCKWIT took the concept of going under cover literally, still clomping around the docks in size 10 hob-nail boots bellowing “WHAT’S ALL THIS, THEN?” every pair of plates but now doing it with blankets over their heads. When five constables reported with broken noses after walking into lamp-posts and two more plummeted into the harbour, the Chief Constable decided that they really needed to see where they were going. Plain clothes were needed, and after a brief mix-up when one man reported for duty dressed as a Sopwith Camel progress was finally made.

The reign of terror that the perpetrator named by the media as Skipjack the Ripper (local papers are not known for their sense of humour) brought to Hull ended as many assumed it would. Badly.
    O
n the evening of 4 June 1919, PC Obadiah Stoatgobbler was wandering around Victoria Dock, trying his best not to react to that time-honoured port city mating call of, “hello sailor, looking for a good time?” The default copper response to this was to grunt “’ello, ’ello, ’ello, what’s goin’ on ’ere then?” and proceed to give both parties a good thwack round the bonce with a truncheon, so the restraint being displayed by Stoatgobbler was nothing short of miraculous. Still, he was a simple man, given a simple task by an even simpler Chief Constable, so he obeyed without question.
    
At around 11-30pm, from the shadows of an empty railway wagon came a hunched shape that straightened itself into the unmistakable form of a man-sized fish wielding dual Super Soakers. Now, to just about anyone with fully-functional eyes this would obviously appear to be the suspect Operation FUCKWIT was looking for. Stoatgobbler, however, had to be sure and proceeded to go by the book. Said book was made of cardboard, was fully chewable and manufactured by the Early Learning Centre, but rules is rules.
    
‘Halt! Identify yourself!’ Stoatgobbler announced in a clear voice, like it said on page 2.
    
The tuna looked him for a moment, clearly not sure what the flying fuck was going on. Receiving no response, Stoatgobbler tried again in French.
    
‘Le halt! L’identify vouself!’ he said, prompting the fish to wonder how this spectacle in front of it was at the top of the food chain.
    
With still no response, Stoatgobbler tried again in Spanish (“El halte!”), Italian (Halto! Identifyo yourselfo!”), and finally Chinese (which was just him reciting the specials menu from the Peking Palace take-away) before giving up and belting the fish with the ever-reliable truncheon he had solemnly named “The Skull Modifier”. It was a better name than “Edith”, but that’s another story.
    
After several far more capable bobbies showed up, it was rapidly realised that the tuna wasn’t a tuna after all; instead, it was actually Old Man Wilkins, the school janitor, who was trying to scare people away from a vacant warehouse so he could buy it cheap. Thus, in true Scooby Doo fashion, ended one of the darkest moments in ’Ull’s ’istory: havoc wrought by a man dressed as a fish because he would’ve gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids. It was a terrible stain that would remain etched onto the city’s conscience for a long time. Well, at least until the pubs opened.

Nar then youth, owz tha bin?

I mun tell thi a tale tharrappened to me t’other day. Me an me bruvver kem in after ard day darn pit. Black brite we wor, like Papa Lazarou in a coil cellar at midneet.
    
‘Wierzat packet o choccie biccies, ar kid?’ e sez. ‘Am reight clemmed.’
    
‘Sin tin,’ ah teld im, pointin at biscuit barrel.
    
‘Tin’t in tin,’ e sez. So I as a skeg, an e were reight! Sumtwat ad nicked all us scran! Kitchen were like Owd Muvver Ubberd’s. An not just that, neither. Bastards ad ad telly away an all.
    
‘Sumdy’s buggered off wi’ us snap,’ ar kid sez, master o t’fuckin obvious.
    
‘Well bugger me wi’ rough end o’a rotatin pineapple,’ sez I, ‘ah do believe tha’s reight. Any other flashes o genius insight thier, Sherlock? Mebbe tha’s got sum news on what bears do in’t woods.’
    
‘Shut thi gob,’ e sez, ‘this is serious.’
    
‘Ah know it’s fuckin’ serious,’ ah sez, ‘what’s tha think me dad’s gonna seh when e gets ome an there’s nowt t’ate?’
    
Then I ad an idea! All we ad to do were wait til arf-past seven. Coz what time is it after arf-seven? It’s summat to ate!
    
(I’ll get me coit...)

Anyroad, we still ad to find t’bastard what robbed us. So me an ar kid gu art round all local wukkin-mens’, lookin for sum bugger to bash. An we farn im an all, none other than Dodgy Rog from Sheffuld tryin to fence us telly.
    ‘Woss dar lookin at?’ Rog asks us, talkin in fuckin Dee-Dar.
    ‘Tha might wanna gi’it us back, pal,’ ar kid sez, shekkin im warmly bi’ throat.
    ‘Nadden di,’ Rog sez, ‘dis ere telly in’t yooers danoz. I farn it.’
    ‘Aye twat, tha farn it in ar front room,’ I sez, kickin im reight ard in’t goolies. ‘Look, it’s still got lock on it me dad purron to stop us watchin owt on pay-per-view.’
    After a good few solid thwacks rarnd skull wi an empty bottle o Mackesons, owd Rog bekem a bit mooer personable. E giz us telly back an even admitted to ow Shef Wensdi were shite compared to Tarn. Ah mean we farn art later that e’s really a Shef United fan, so that ain’t much orran admission, but still...

Anyroad, ad best be off. Av gorra pint o Sam Smiffs gerrin warm an a pooerk pie gerrin cowd. Stay art o bother, keep to t’left an keep thi motions reglar. Tarra!

Meanwhile in Barnsley...
So, I had to write a story in a regional dialect. I went with Yorkshire. Since I speak it fluently.

FYI, for those not in the know the people of Barnsley sometimes refer to the people of Sheffield as Dee-Dar's, due the the Sheffielder's tendency to replace 'th' sounds with the letter D. So 'then' becomes 'den' etc. It's a rich language.
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Yep, it’s come to that. Taking commissions, taking any and all commissions!

Overview
I’ve been writing all sorts of stuff for ages. I’ve had journalism published online and written scripts for comics. If I can't help you with something, if I'm not the best fit for your project or I'm not sure about something, I will tell you up front. No good comes from us messing each other about.

I write primarily in genres such as comedy, science fiction, fantasy and alternate history, but can adapt to whatever you need. My writing is expressive, with a tendency towards minimalism. I try not to use fifty words where five will do. But of course, why take my word for it when you can just read for yourselves?

Samples
For samples of work I’ve done in the past, take a look here: Stuff I've Done on DAArticles on Following The Nerd

Formatting varies between different samples due to different requirements, length of piece etc. If you have any specific formatting requirements, please let me know up front.

Prices
£10/1000 words (or £1/100 words). I generally set 500 words as a minimum word count, since putting a cohesive piece together with a lower word count is difficult. That said, I'd be more than happy to discuss any specific needs regarding the length of a piece.

I accept payment through Paypal. I would require a £5 non-refundable deposit up front and payment of the rest upon completion.

Commercial Rights
Upon completion and payment, commercial rights go to you. I only ask for a credit for my work and permission to use it in my personal portfolio (ie I would not post it on DA or any other site). If for whatever reason the commission isn’t intended for publication anywhere, I might ask you for permission to publish it on my DA profile with a credit to you for the commission, although you would have the final say.

In the event of you being unhappy with the finished product and requesting a refund, commercial rights would revert back to me.

Revision/Refund Policy
I have no problem with providing revisions to the first draft, but there are of course limits. I can tweak dialogue for example, but a complete re-write with different characters and plot isn’t gonna be covered. Agreement on details up front would (hopefully) mean that this wouldn’t be an issue.

If you are extremely unhappy with what you've received, I can offer a refund of everything but the deposit. As mentioned above, rights to the finished property would then revert to me.

Fanfiction?
Sure, why not? I’ve done fanfic in the past, it’s not a problem if I’m familiar with the property beforehand. Please contact me to discuss what fandom you want ficcing.

What to Share
Naturally, I need to know a few things up front. Specifically, I need:

- Desired word count.
- Specific plot points, characters, details etc. you want included.
- Timeline for the project. Depending on how quickly you want a story, I might ask for an additional charge for a faster turnaround.

If you have any questions about all this, feel free to drop me a line. I'm more than happy to discuss your needs and whatever you want.

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dave-llamaman's Profile Picture
dave-llamaman
Dave
Artist | Professional | Literature
United Kingdom
The saga of Big Dave, The Pontefract Llama Dresser is a long, long story. So we won't dwell.

Dave was born at an early age to parents of both sexes, in Pontefract hospital on 31st October 1980 (Hallowe'en. Speaks volumes). The irregular heart rythm in the womb, and subsequent smack on the bonce with a concrete floor aged 6 may have done their part to contribute to his current state of insanity. Going through university in order to drink himself into a coma, Dave actually managed to get a degree in Politics at the end of it. This was a shock, as he'd intended studying Journalism.

SOME SALIENT INFORMATION ABOUT DAVE:


* Dave was investigated into involvement in a ring smuggling illicit teacozies into the Soviet Bloc in the 1980s

* He lists his hobbies as beer, girls, PlayStation and yelling at articulated lorries

* Jim NEVER fixed it for him. He still holds a grudge

* Once played a seven-hour poker hand with Russell T Davies, betting his car against looking rights into Freeyma Agyeman's dressing room (he hands the keys and log book over on Tuesday)

* Has a strange, intangible hatred of the number 47

* Is currently holding auditions for a comedy sidekick, but only if he's called Ron

* Almost got suspended from school, age seven, for starting a pontoon school using Monopoly money

* To this day doesn't know where his rosemary grows

* The death ray is in the works, and one day we shall all bow to him, his giant space station and fleet of funky orange space shuttles

* Only some of these facts are correct
Interests

Comments


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:iconpjackaugusto:
pjackaugusto Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2019  New Deviant
Could make some ships or planes for my country Philippines??
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:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2019  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch, dear. :heart:
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:iconkelso323:
Kelso323 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2019
I invite you to continue your efforts to upload any Star Trek related materials to SFCorpsofEngineers.

If you have any suggestions for improving the group or it’s content, please direct those suggestions to the group admins for review.

Thank you for participating in our community :salute:

www.deviantart.com/sfcorpsofen…
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:iconbobcatt:
bobcatt Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2019  Professional General Artist
Honeyscafe 116 by bobcatt Thanks for the fave!
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DarthHaze2 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2019  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave!
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DonaldMoore909 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2018
Thanx for the Fav most appreciated, a Llama for your kind support!!!
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Gunnut51 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2018  Hobbyist Artist
:iconhappybirthdayplz:
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:iconaletanmarxan:
AletanMarxan Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2018
happy birthday, have a great day birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake 
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MarkAlexValdendorf Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2018
Happy Birthday!
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copperrein Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2018  Professional Artisan Crafter
I enjoy your profile.

Congrats
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