“Doubts of A Growing Teenager”
Yes, I am growing up.
Soon enough, I’ll be an adult.
I’ll have to take care of myself,
It’ll be me against the whole world.
Indeed, I am afraid.
I’m so, so very scared.
I’m afraid because I’ll trudge into the unknown.
An unknown world full of possibilities,
It’s a world where good and bad clash in front of my nose.
I’ll be criticized, pushed, tested, and forced to do things I don’t want to.
But I am not Peter Pan,
I can’t go flying up to Neverland.
I can’t stop growing suddenly,
Although, I do wish I could stay a child forever.
Yet it’s too late for that,
Time won’t wait for me to be ready.
I’ll have to go on into the unknown,
And grow up as the woman I am,
Or the woman I am about to become.
Today, I’m fifteen years old.
Tomorrow, I’ll be twenty-five.
And the day after tomorrow, I’ll be fifty years old.
Every time I add more to those numbers,
I’ll look back and realize what I’ve done throughout my life.
I’ll probably remember moments I went through full of pain and misery,
But I’ll also remember moments of pure bliss and happiness.
Because that’s life,
And life isn’t something I decided to have.
Life is something I was given by chance.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have another one,
For there’s a chance I will,
As well as there is a chance I won’t.
And, yes, I’m growing.
Plus I’m scared out of my wits.
I don’t trust myself not to fall,
However I know I’ll just have to stand up.
I’ll make mistakes and hopefully miracles, too.
I’ll learn new things, and meet new people.
I’ll have to let go of those who wrong me,
And all while keeping near those who are precious to me.
Things will change, nothing will be the same.
Just thinking about it makes me terrified!
Since I don’t know what I’ll be doing tomorrow,
Even less what I’ll do the day after tomorrow!
But I bet it’ll be something amazing,
Something I don’t even know about yet.
It’ll be something I haven’t dreamed!
I’m excited just thinking of what it could be,
Infinite possibilities, just one correct answer,
And all of those options concerning my future.
I’m young, I haven’t lived all that much.
My mistakes aren’t anything but petty when compared to others’.
And even then, I can’t change my past,
It’s just like I can’t control my future, either.
“Just live the present,” my father said.
I’ll do just that, but I’ll set a small goal.
That’s because, sooner or later, the future will come and sweep by.
I want to be a little prepared.
I can’t control every little thing that happens in my life,
Yet, I can make sure there are something’s I’ll definitely do!
For example, what career I’ll study.
Or what kind of friends I like to have around me.
Because I am growing up,
And I’m completely scared stiff.
But soon I’ll be an adult,
I’ll have to act, live, and think like one.
I’ll have to make decisions as the adult I will be.
I’ll no longer be that little girl,
Who dreamed of getting magically dragged into some crazy adventure
Where she’ll meet awesome people and fall in love with a handsome man.
No, I won’t be her anymore.
She’ll still be here, in me, but buried somewhere deep.
Because I’ll need the space to accept I’m growing up,
I had to confront my fear of the unknown, too.
Because I dream of never being forgotten,
And I know I won’t be.
Because people never really forget,
They just find it hard to conjure the memory up.
But someday I’ll leave my mark on this world,
As small as it is, it’ll be there.
But that day’s not today,
Tomorrow it could be.
And, yet, I’m just fifteen years old,
I’m still learning to live.
My inner child isn’t completely gone, yet.
And my adult side is just starting to show.
Indeed, I’m growing up,
And I’m horrified of what tomorrow could bring.
I’m still learning the ways of life.
I’ll be a complete adult soon,
But soon isn’t now.
I’ll enjoy this time in my “comfort zone”,
Because I know that I’ll conquer the world,
When I finally am able conquer myself.
And when the time comes,
I’ll be ready for it.
I’ll be ready to take the future head on!