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1000 words - darkphoenix

darkphoenix's avatar
By darkphoenix   |   Watch
5 29 1K (1 Today)
Published: April 5, 2002
do you remember lazy summer days?
the lemonade you always used to make.
the way the mountains shimmered in the haze.
the laughter of the kids out on the lake.

do you remember autumn afternoons?
the creaking of our rockers on the porch.
the games of chess we played, the mournful loons,
the graceful dance of moths around the torch.

do you remember icy winter nights?
the shutters closed against the weather's ire.
the cosy glow when we turned out the lights.
the love we made in blankets by the fire.

do you remember mornings in the spring?
the budding of new life; the valley bloomed.
the times we woke to hear the bluebirds sing.
the church a-buzz as services resumed.

now children play but i don't hear them laugh;
the empty rockers greet the haunting cry;
the hearth is cold, my heart is torn in half.
why did you leave, my love? why did you die?
© 2002 - 2019 darkphoenix
Just want to thank limnersphere and euphoria for getting together to organise this contest, and p4nth3r for providing such an evocative photo... Thanks!

I think I have managed to capture the feelings the photo evoked in me, and even incorporated most of the elements -- but I'll let you, the reader, be the judge... I won't say more; let my poetry speak for itself (or not, as the case may be... :o)

Edit, Jan 2004: I am currently working through my gallery and providing a " proper" preview image for those deviations that didn't originally have one. I apologise to all those watching me if this causes these old poems to be flagged as "new". The image in this thumbnail is Faith on the Water - Outside 2, the original inspiration for the contest and this poem. Thankyou, ~ p4nth3r, for granting me permission to use it here!
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Comments (29)
bloodred1889's avatar
wow i really love this, its sad but has abit of truth in it for everyone.

:)
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Saint-Nightmare's avatar
This is quietly sad. Not the angsty "oh, feel sorry for me, boohoo" annoying sad. But quiet and peaceful.
It makes me think of the way you feel after you've grieved for losing a loved one. The hurt is fading, but they are still on your mind very often. I'm not sure if that makes sense. ;)
I found it an enjoyable read. Well done.
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darkphoenix's avatar
darkphoenix|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks. I am particularly happy with how this poem turned out -- although "happy" seems a strange term to use in conjunction with it...

And yes, what you say makes sense. Since writing this I've lost a couple of people (one died, one ... drifted away) but I guess even as I wrote it I was watching the drift take place. I guess that mood helped form the poem -- and fortunately, I managed to keep it out of the angst-pits... :D
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sankatze's avatar
This is really nice. You evoke so much peace and harmony in the first four stanzas that the last one really manages to cut into my heart.

:heart: it.
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Darkpoetry's avatar
It's very honest and trutfull poem. But it involves 2 people. I was thinking more like one.
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auralis's avatar
This is beautiful... Wonderfully written, it transmits lots of different emotions - it made me smile at the beggining, then it made me feel sad in the end. I also like the fact that it goes so perfectly with the photo. Great job!
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gothicprincess21's avatar
That poem just brought so many memories back to me that it made me cry. It was very well written and complimented the picture wonderfully. :+fav: :+devwatch: Keep up the good work.
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chucksgal's avatar
chucksgal|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Having lost a mate myself to death, I can certainly indentify with these beautiful, sad words! Your poem made me cry...and that's a good thing!
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gypsyend0rphin's avatar
Wonderfully written, the feeling the image gives you from the two empty/lonely rocking chairs is perfectly matched in your writing. I loved nostalgic longing for times long past, the sadness of the memories contrasted to reality in the last stanza worked very well. Lovely job.

:heart:
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darkphoenix's avatar
darkphoenix|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I guess I was feeling a little melancholy when I wrote it, which seemed to help. :-)
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ArmorFelix2001's avatar
Very colorful, I don't see the picture but it must paint a thousand words...
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too-disturbed's avatar
man this really is good, well done!! good job! :+fav:
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darkphoenix's avatar
darkphoenix|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks, glad you liked it. (I'm quite happy with it myself! ;-))
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too-disturbed's avatar
yes it was well worth the fave :D
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fatelessmirror's avatar

With you it only takes 157 words to explain that picture. *kisses*

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khronic's avatar
'why did you leave,my love? why did you die?"
....................
+ devwatch
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dr-d's avatar
Powerfully written. the 'do you remember' repetition leading into the last stanza is excellent.
wonderfully sad.
that was a great photo they chose too.


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shuffle forward, eyes downcast, hands outstretched to recieve your life...
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flyingphoenix's avatar
I have nothing more to say than......Bravissimo!
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jsenn's avatar
Oh, sigh, so sad. It is wonderfully written, I love all the memories.
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jHeart y
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C-Novack's avatar
C-Novack|Professional Photographer
In your approach you have taken the route of the “Remember When?”. As I read it (twice) I was carried along with the happy imagery and the voice spoke wistfully. Then the tone changed from wistful & happy to sad & empty and then an almost cry of rage as to “why did you leave me?!” My only critique is that you set up very good imagery in the first 4 stanzas, but with the last stanza the tone changes and there seems to be no transition….it is a bit abrupt. But then that may have been what you were reaching for in that the loved one was snatched away too suddenly and hence the abrupt change in tone and imagery.
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p4nth3r's avatar
I really like this one... for some reason it speaks to me more of what exactly I was, in a way, trying to capture in the photograph... by using the images of the church, the lake, seasons, and other imagery it actually feels as if you could/would have been the person actually on the porch experiencing these things... I'm impressed, nice poem :) (Smile) (and yes, I've had to deal with real life issues lately which is why I haven't been able to comment)
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·¤§ The cradle robbing hand of death caresses every dreaming head. §¤·

¨·« I can smell your brains. http://www.matazone.co.uk/kitty1.html »·¨
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laundrypowder's avatar
oooh, another entry...this one is going to get a bunch.
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wildmonky's avatar
wildmonky|Student Writer
I like this. It does complement the photo very well. I like the repeating of "do you remember?" until the last part.
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Short but terse
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tmpst24myst's avatar
tmpst24myst|Student Writer
I was finally able to read your poem!! It took me two days to get here!
Great poem.. I like the constant projection of description you used.. Dictating each memory was a nice touch as well.. Each memory was interpreted beautifully..

Thankyou for your comments on my poem.. Best of luck to you!!
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Would there be truth,
if there were no lies?
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anonymous's avatar
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