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Failure
By DarkoriamStables   |   Watch
2 60 (1 Today)
Published: October 26, 2018
© 2018 - 2019 DarkoriamStables
"The feeling of failure, always spiraling down,
every time you try to get better you just keep failing,
your whole life your told your ugly, stupid, weird,
a failure.
All your insecurities are presented to you your whole life,
You find that one person who actually means something to you,
He always tries to build you up, he's always there for you,
But it's hard to push those feelings aside. 
He says your beautiful, that hell never cheat on you, he will always help you,
But your insecurities become to much, you push him away,
every time you push him away you feel worse about yourself. 
You hurt him with your insecurities and lack of trust even though you've never trusted anyone more. 
You can feel him growing tired of your behavior, but can't stop yourself from feeling this way,
You look at him and he's perfect, you love everything about him.
There's nothing that you would change about him.
He's always there for you, he will never cheat, he will never hurt you,
but still you can't see you how he see's you.
When he calls you beautiful all you see is ugly,
when he says your skinny all you see is your fat belly.
Every imperfection shows, you can't even look in the mirror for very long.
You hate seeing pictures of yourself. They make you feel worse.
These insecurities make you ugly they don't help.
But you feel lost, when you try to get better it only last for a short time.
You feel like everyone would be better off without you.
You just want to disappear, give up on everything, run away.
But you can't your to scared.
All you want is to be happy, people don't realize how hard your trying to,
It's hard sometimes to be happy when you feel the weight of the world crushing you.
So tired, tired all the time, tired eyes, tired heart.
Sad for pushing you away, scared one day ill push you to far away.
So lost with what to do, can't stand the thought of loosing you.
Knowing that feeling like this will only push you away more.
Feeling like your failing him, can't support him even though you want to,
Unable to undo the chains you've placed around yourself.
They drag you deeper into lonesomeness.
Your scared to loose him, but your scared that holding onto him is hurting him even more.
You need him though, but you need to get better.
All fears pull you underneath the earth.
All you see is darkness.
Only you can be the one to break it.
But is it to late. Has the darkness consumed you to much.
Will your light be gone forever, will you push that light away.
You fear to be happy, you fear to let people in, because you fear the possibility of being hurt.
Fear is the worst kind of pain.
Will you let it consume you?
or will you find a way to break free. 
It lies in your hands and no one else's.
keep trying, don't give up, hopeful it's not to late.  
All I can say is im sorry for failing you over and over again. 

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