LIFE: version 3.1...
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Darkmir's avatar
By Darkmir   |   Watch
0 33 84 (1 Today)
Published: November 5, 2009


When I married my wife Laura, I inherited an entire extended family. A new mom and dad, grandmother, and dozens of brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles.

My family? Mom and Dad, all the granparents, are dead. My sister is an awful person I don't associate with. My daughter and son in law are wonderful people, and I have a close relationship with them and my 4 grandkids. But that's it.

So anways, since my surgeries, Laura and I are poor. We get by, but we struggle, financially, all the time. Not complaining. It is what it is. But the "family" knows it. So, grandma Jeannie is 91 years old. She needs someone to live with her all the time to help her in little ways. She has plenty of money, and a big nice house, but no help. Apparently key family members have been talking to her for months now, and we were recently called and asked to move in with Jeannie as her permemnent care providers. It will allow Laura and I to catch up, save money, make plans, even if she only lives a few more years. It will obviously help Jeannie.

So, right as my band is coming together, and our life here in Texas is starting to be really happy (despite the lack of money), we have been asked to move back to Florida and move in with Jeannie. And turning this down would likely cause friction between Laura and I and many in the family.

Right now we are thinking we will likely move back in February or March. We just can't decide yet if it's a good move or not. We both miss Florida, but we are prospering in Texas, and have many good freinds that mean a great deal to us.

What would you do?

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Comments (31)
ikeroyo's avatar
Bufff, what a question. And what happens to your current job?
The issue looks too complicated to me to even suggest something, but I think that anything that you both finally decide will be the rigth decision, despite the circumstances. I wish you luck :thumbsup:
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
We thank you for the kind words. We know the final decision is ours, ultimately. But everyone's gentle advice and kind encouragement has helped more than you guys may realize. We really appreciate it.
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
We thank you for the kind words. We know the final decision is ours, ultimately. But everyone's gentle advice and kind encouragement has helped more than you guys may realize. We really appreciate it.
Reply  ·  
Dojang's avatar
aw, man. rough one.

but surely having the choice is better than just being stuck with the situation you're in by default?

i have this bad habit of automatically refusing kindnesses from people, even if it's just the offer of a cold drink when i drop in for a visit...but honestly, i don't think i could tell you what i'd do unless i was actually in your shoes, with all the rammifications and consequences hovering over my head.

my family's pretty tight knit. there's a big 'ol clan on my mother's side, but they all live interstate (over a strait), and we don't hear from them often. i have a little brother, and we get on okay.

my gf's family is a clan though, and it's always a little daunting going to their place for christmas or easter.

back to the point though, i really don't think anyone with grandkids of their own should have to feel obligated to act as a old-age carer. my mum's in that kind of field, and i've heard such STORIES.
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
:)...we'll get through it...:)
Reply  ·  
Dojang's avatar
good luck, man. let us know how it goes.
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
:)
Reply  ·  
roxettethefox's avatar
roxettethefox|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, it's really up to you, and you like you would choose the good path. I hope you luck :).
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
:)
Reply  ·  
Catwalksymphony's avatar
It almost feels like an obligation and not a gift. It would depend, to me... on whether this gift came with strings attached. Of course you would help take care of Gramma, but living in someone else's home is NEVER easy... especially as an adult. I couldn't imagine, and I'm only 21, of living with my mother again. Talk about an invasion of privacy. But it seems like Gramma is feeling a little entitled... like she "knows" you're not in a good spot so it doesn't feel as genuine. She feels obligated to help you and get something out of it, and as such you feel obligated to oblige her and do it to appease family.

I'm probably a cynical person to ask about this, because I have a HORRIBLE Mother in law, I tend to see manipulation everywhere.
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
Even so, I appreciate your opinion, and that you took the time to respond. Laura and I know we ultimately have to make the decision ourselves, but all the kind advice you guys offer helps us to work out our own feelings on the issue.

Thanks a bunch, Cat.
Reply  ·  
Catwalksymphony's avatar
Anytime. What else are friends for?
Reply  ·  
Catwalksymphony's avatar
I will say one thing though that I've learned something in dealing with my inlaws that could help. If they're asking you to risk your happiness to appease them there's usually more in it for them than you. You've lived too long and been through too many hardships to risk everything you've worked for to appease people who don't have your best interest at heart.
Reply  ·  
Eriatarka23's avatar
Eriatarka23|Student Digital Artist
That is indeed a toughy.
I guess you could always ask your wife what she thinks, and go from there yeah?
I don't have much experience in this kinda thing, but if it's one thing I always heard my mom saying is "We're always right" haha
Hope everything works out for ya man
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
I ask Laura about everything. We've been talking about this off and on for a couple weeks now.
Reply  ·  
LSDrake's avatar
That certainly is a pickle you're in. Trusting your gut helps, if it feels wrong then most likely it is. Though, your life experience trumps mine, so I'm quite sure you'll make the right decision when the time comes. :thumbsup:
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
I hope so. Laura and Iare really thining it out. So far, we can't really decide which way is the clear best way to go. Do we risk our own happiness, or risk the family's anger and disappointment?

Oh well. We'll work it out by the time we have to.

People always do, somehow.
Reply  ·  
Lucas-Jeeves's avatar
It's really in my opinion whatever has the best long term benefits for you. Oh and I love R.A. Salvatore, well atleast his Star Wars stuff :D
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
Damn. I didn't even know he did Star Wars stuff. Now I have more books to buy and read....
>sigh<...:)
Reply  ·  
Lucas-Jeeves's avatar
Haha, he had a whole series I think, plus one or two in different series. Great writer in my opinion.
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Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
NO doubt
Reply  ·  
don4's avatar
how is your sister an awful person might the nosy little fuck ask?
Reply  ·  
Darkmir's avatar
Darkmir|Professional Digital Artist
Awful to my mom and dad when she was a kid. A whore in highschool that got me in fights for 3 years trying to protect her fucking awful reputation. A liar, a user. 5 marriages, all ended badly with the men ruined after. 8 abortions, 4 adopted kids, 7 kids she had an raised who are all fucked up, with the exception of one whose father fought her in court to keep her away from. Selfish and evil with no moral conscience what-so-ever.
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don4's avatar
sound like one of my friends aunts
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