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The Odor of Decay by Darkmir
Copyright 2009 by Golden Leopard Enterprises, Ltd.


Somewhere in the city on a cold dark night,
a young girl screams and a child is born.
After just two days the doctors send her away,
with the child, to the streets, on her own.
On her naked back, in the backs of cars.
she lets the leeches slowly eat her soul.
In between she gives her breast to the child,
another junkie hooker with a heart of gold.

In an abandoned brownstone on the edge of town,
the rats hide a secret in the night.
The hidden lair of a psychopath,
where he can feed his demons out of sight.
Smiling from the shadows at the edge of the room,
he listens to his victim plead.
Anticipation sets his lust on edge,
he joins his victim on the plastic sheet.

If a society becomes soulless,
that society must fall.
Does Neo-Rome face the final curtain call?
So sophisticated,
collective consciousness so jaded,
the odor of decay no longer bothers us at all.

Two girls chat in their own little space,
until one sees the other as foe.
All of a sudden all bets are off
and the seeds of evil are sewn.
Words that cut like the sharpest knife,
leave an innocent heart without hope.
One girl loses her life to prison,
The other in her room, at the end of a rope.

Caught in an ugly web of hate,
We follow no rules at all.
Is Neo-Rome about to feel the hammer fall?
So sophisticated,
Collective consciousness so jaded,
The odor of decay no longer bothers us at all.

(interlude)

We can run but we can’t hide,
We are responsible. On liars we’ve relied.
We turn our backs on what we do not wish to see.
Always blame the other guy,
For the damage caused by our collective greed.

(solo break)

Nation to nation, face to face,
Our intolerance is killing the race.
Famine and crisis, blood and war,
makes one wonder what God made us for.
A few grow fat while the masses cry,
Millions suffer, innocents die.
Racing towards our future destiny,
As if the end of man is a certainty.

Will we finally push the button,
And pass quietly into the night?
Is self destruction the only thing we can get right?
Is there nothing sacred,
Are our spirits so damn jaded,
That we can let it fall to ruin without a fight?

(outro)
A song I've been working on for a while now.

Would prefer some serious comments. Thsi will be performed.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconstampingqueen:
stampingqueen Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I am a music fanatic and am one of those weirdos that actually listens to the lyrics of a song and I have to say I really like the words here. I think with a few changes (ones already made by :devlord-restudo: in his comments) it could really work. It flows well and is easy on the ears when spoken. I am awful at imagining music I have never heard, so I can't put it to a tune, but it reads like a piece of poetry which is a kind of rhythm. I would be most interested in hearing it when it is finished.

I am a huge believer in helping at home before we help everywhere else in the world. I love the USA, but I think our priorities are sometimes misplaced. I love to help when I can, but I can't stand the weird feeling it gives me to see people sending billions overseas to feed the poor when we have people starving on our own streets. Just me though I suppose.
This part: "Is there nothing sacred,
Are our spirits so damn jaded,
That we can let it fall to ruin without a fight?"
really struck a chord ( no pun intended) with me. I think too many people think that one person can't make a difference so they don't bother. I really think the opposite is true. One person can influence others and the ripple effect can go on indefinitely. Just gotta make the effort.

Anywho... you wanted comments not social commentary, but the words moved me. In that this song is already a success. Can't wait to hear the finished version.
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
wow.

Thanks for the thoughtful comments. Your feelings are a kind of input of their own.

Yeah, a lot of small changes probably before all is said and done. I expect my band to rip it a new ass. We have 6 guys, all outstanding musicians. A lot of the changes will be to accomodate the music they will create behind the lyrics. I actually wrote the music for this for another song, entitled; KILLER OF THE QUEEN, almost 20 years ago. This bunch will use the basic riff and pattern but are too talented not to want to extend and modify it to give it the "AE" stamp.

Honestly, really appreciate your remarks.
Reply
:iconstampingqueen:
stampingqueen Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I listened to your music when you were in that "contest" thing where we all went and voted like mad...
I liked it. It is a little different than what I usually listen to, but good none the less.

I think that music is all about what you make someone feel. I can play the piano decently well and I always love it when someone says that I made them feel the music. When it comes to music with lyrics you can be technical perfection and be horrible if you don't make the person listening "feel" the song. I can see your band making us truly feel this one.

Now I am off to brush up on my Fallout Boy knowledge so I can take my daughter this weekend and not be sitting there scratching my head like I am clueless ;).
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
lol...
Reply
:iconstampingqueen:
stampingqueen Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
and it should be ~Lord-Retsudo I am typing dyslexic.
Reply
:iconlord-retsudo:
Lord-Retsudo Featured By Owner May 3, 2009  Professional Traditional Artist
Yep, deep and moving. I like the personal stories in the early verses, which then shift to the wider, global comparison later. The concept of Neo-Rome is intriguing.

Just so you know, I write lyrics for my group, Jeremiah, as well as music. In fact since 1992 I've written most of the 60-odd songs that we perform and rehearse today ( plus 100-odd or so more ), so when it comes to lyrics, I like to get torn into something deep.

With songs that I don't know musically, it's sometimes hard to read lyrics and fix a rhythm or beat in my mind, but I can get a decent idea of that in this.

I can certainly see this printed on a CD insert or sleeve, and that's a good sign. Sometimes I see amateur lyrics online, and can't see them being any further than the back of a shopping bill.

The only negative comments I'd raise are against the couple of clichés that have slipped in: "hooker with a heart of gold", "Words that cut like the sharpest knife", "We can run but we can’t hide"...the kind of lines that we are more used to hearing in Phil Collins pop tunes. What you have here is more worthy than these lines suggest, and I'd seriously consider adjusting them to something of equal meaning, but more original. I of all people know how easy it is to lapse into cliché - it's easy, we know the meanings, we know our audiences will know what we mean too - but they're still cliché.

I might be tempted to shift the above lines to something like:

"a hooker whose heart hasn't yet been sold"
"words that burn like a branding iron"
"there's no safe house where we can hide" or "our safe house-keeper just up and died"...you get the kind of idea. That's just off the top of my head. Doubtless you can come up with better imagery that's more personal, and will scan better.

I'm also not entirely sure about the "Does Neo-Rome face the final curtain call?" line...suggesting that Neo-Rome is some sort of performer or actor may be what you intended. Curtain calls are usually a good thing for performers. Something like "Does Neo-Rome hear the fiddler's call", for some reason, comes to mind - alluding to Nero and the destuction of the old Rome.

Ironing out things like this is what makes songwriting exciting. I've spent hours with my band doing exactly that - each of us suggetsing words, phrases, interpretations, swallowing the Rhyming Dictionary, and teasing it all together to create something new, yet keep the original message intact.

That's my twoppence worth anyway.

I hope that's of some interest, and assistance. I certainly want to hear the recorded version of this some time :)
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 3, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I frickin love that suggestion, and need permission to use it;

is Neo-Rome about to hear the fiddler's call?

I have already proceeded to the next round of editing, and my band hasn't even started to rip this yet, so it's got plenty of changes coming, I am guessing.

I changed the line in the second verse to; Digital words can cut to the bone"... The concept of digital chat will remain, but it will likely change again before it's done.

Yeah, I like working lyrics too, my friend.
Reply
:iconlord-retsudo:
Lord-Retsudo Featured By Owner May 3, 2009  Professional Traditional Artist
Cool, go ahead and use it. It's a freebie. It'll be a kick to think that I've got a line in somebody else's song!

The other change sounds good too. I guess I hadn't quite twigged the digital chat angle there - very interesting.

I was trying to think of some clever play-off between the digital and analogue concepts - along the line of how new technology can still hurt and damage people in an old-fashioned/traditional way - but I've had a busy weekend and my head's a bit stuffed at the moment.

If I think of anything particularly share-worthy later on, I'll post.

Keep up the good workz!
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thx buddy.
Reply
:iconlord-retsudo:
Lord-Retsudo Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Professional Traditional Artist
Anytime. You know I like to help whenever I can.
Reply
:iconlord-retsudo:
Lord-Retsudo Featured By Owner May 2, 2009  Professional Traditional Artist
Woahh, cool. Lit and lyrics...that's a bit different.

Dude, I'm currently figuring out how I can clone myself to get through all the work and commissions I have on right now. But I'll always have time for my buddies.

I'll give this a serious look over tomorrow night and let you know my thoughts. From the quick skim I just did though, they're going to be good :)
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 3, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I'd appreciate that, Chaz.
Reply
:iconnarkya:
Narkya Featured By Owner May 1, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
It made me shiver, it's too real... (not really too real, but somehow...)
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 1, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thx, Nark.

I appreciate the comments.
Reply
:iconpixlphantasy:
PixlPhantasy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Certainly carries a message of how society seems to be today. Greed, hatred and self absorption along with commercialization and religion will bring about our destruction eventually.

Governments spend millions on weapons of "self defence" in case the other guy hits first instead of helping their own and each other. Famine and disease run rampant in a world where much of it should not exist.

Our differences keep us apart rather than bringing us together.

You say a lot in few words.
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
What a gracious and eloquent commentary.

Thank you, Pxl.
Reply
:iconpixlphantasy:
PixlPhantasy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:) I'd love to actually hear the finished version of this some time.
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
We have two shows coming up: May 9th, for about 1500 people, and May 16th, for about 5 to 700. After that, we are taking a moritorium on live performances to finish our first CD, entitled; Self Evident Truth. After that is in the can, we are going to start working on new material, which will include this song. At some point in the fall, it should be up on our band's web page. I'll be letting everybody here know about it, you can be sure.
Reply
:iconpixlphantasy:
PixlPhantasy Featured By Owner May 1, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay for blatant self promotion! :boogie:
I shall certainly keep an ear out.
Reply
:icondarkmir:
Darkmir Featured By Owner May 1, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
;)
Reply
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