darkelvenmage's avatar
By darkelvenmage   |   Watch
0 11 78 (1 Today)
Published: November 6, 2008
“Will you tell me now how you came by those scars on your shoulder blades?” he asks. I turn my gaze to the window and shake my head.

“It is of no consequence,” I reply, knowing this is the answer he expects, for this is the answer I always give. Tonight, though, is different, so I await his protest.

“It is the same thing which wakes you screaming,” he answers. “It is the same thing which turns you away and which darkens your gaze with ocean storms. It is the same thing which makes you into a sentinel at my bed side, a statue of marble and ice, is it not? Then it is a thing of very great consequence for us both.”

This I cannot deny. I trace the cool glass with my fingers, considering, comparing. Judging his faith and my devotion. His infectious sorrow and my feverish delusions. The weight of our combined misery. I find us lacking. I find us wanting.

“I went mad,” I say. “I went mad and I believed myself to be an angel. I knew I was mortal and yet could not shake the knowledge of something greater. I sought, then, for something I knew I would never find: reason. Purpose. I begged for answers and received no replies. I became convinced I had been abandoned by a god I had never believed in. Nor did I ever start believing, though long I lingered in stone cathedrals and memorized the words of the Lord. These things fell on deaf, though truly willing, ears. Despairing, I counted myself among the Lost; I counted myself among the Fallen. And in my eternal grief I took a knife and cut the holy wings from my back. Or thought I did, at least.”

My words meet silence. I do not turn to see if his eyes seek mine, or if he has turned his gaze from me. I am not sure what I would see if I did look to him -- shame? disappointment? disgust? -- and I do not wish to know.

“Do you still believe it?” he asks finally. “Madman or no, do you still feel the weight of phantom wings upon your back?”

This question I am too afraid to answer.
© 2008 - 2019 darkelvenmage
I've sunk to submitting old writing out of shear boredom. XD Ugh, I write suck.

NEW writing! (also suck): [link]

Hi. :3
anonymous's avatar
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sesshysshewolf's avatar
I didn't know you had a LiveJournal! I'm totally watching you now. :3
darkelvenmage's avatar
8D YAY! I need more livejournal friends. Or any, really. XD No one reads my journal. It's just me posting for me, which makes me sound crazy, which I am NOT okay maybe a little, but what's the harm in that?

... *cough*

Yay, livejournal friend!
sesshysshewolf's avatar
D'awww...same here, really. I have like two friends on there who actually pay attention to anything I do...but I go to school with them, so I get their comments IRL which makes it so much less fun. xD
elle-sophocles's avatar
Part of my life involves the continuous pursuit of definitions for things that we cannot possibly define.

At the moment I describe art as a "feast" that sucks us in and fills us up, even when we don't quite understand the individual components.

This is art.
darkelvenmage's avatar

I think that's the most thoughtful and flattering comment I've ever received on a deviation. Or, y'know, in general. Thank you so much! I think I struggle with the same thing, the need to find words for things that words could never quite encompass. What else would be quite as worthy to explore through writing?
fangofthedoglord's avatar
fangofthedoglordHobbyist Writer
aw i love eet its amazing! ^.^
But i'm kind of biased cause i'm obsessed with the whole fallen angel idea. It's good though, the only thing is I don't know what is going on but still...
darkelvenmage's avatar
XD Sorry about that. I don't write full things (deviation-wise at least) so all of my pieces are sort of like coming in half-way through the story, or sometimes at the very end. Basically, all my stuff revolves around my two characters, but usually each fragment is from a different story (or reality, if you will) of Their's.
fangofthedoglord's avatar
fangofthedoglordHobbyist Writer
Its okay I understand. I do that alot too. People always make me go back and explain everything though.
maxwildcat's avatar
it doesn't suck at all,
although the theme is not that original at least this far into the story, the elements composing it and the sustained sense of mystery poses suspence and demands attention...

i couldn't stop reading until it was done.
starts a bit slow but then increasingly goes faster ..
i think i can see why you stopped there... it feels like the story was being written faster than you thought of it, it was starting to get away from you ... you simply placed a big wall to end it (any edited out paragraphs ?

far be it from me to impose .. i suggest you pick it up again ... it looks like a promising beginning...
(and i know you like to keep things hanging ...
but this feels like just an intro ) ...

anyway ... it could also be the lack of sleep talking :P
darkelvenmage's avatar
The story wasn't meant to be any longer than it was, actually (and nothing was edited out). It's a fragment, like everything I write. That's usually why I don't upload things anyway, cause they're not "finished" in the deviation sense, even though I consider them finished and don't plan to ever go back. Like this story - it has a larger basis, I suppose, but I only write bits and pieces of it. I know it gets confusing that way, but it's the only way I can stay sane with all the fragments of stories crammed in my head.
maxwildcat's avatar
I actually understand ...
I have a habit of interrupting things...
leaving things hanging..
they just pop in in bribes and simply pop out..
if I don't write them down they rarely ever come back ...

But I thought this piece has potential to go further, and I lately got into the habit of consciously reading and editing the things I write on whims/inspiration... which is why I was suggesting it for this piece :)

I have also found reasons why certain whimsical things stop ... and I have been trying to place mental markers... recording the moment and feel (state of mind) at which something was written and trying to recall it to continue a piece later ...

nice to hear from you ... :heart:
from crazy to crazy ... out ...
anonymous's avatar
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