An Afternoon In

darkelvenmage's avatar
By darkelvenmage   |   Watch
3 14 182 (1 Today)
Published: May 10, 2009
They stare at each other in stunned silence, neither quite believing Tanim’s thoughtless words. The clock ticks like a bomb above the sink, sounding a cheery tune as the hour-hand reaches 3:00, only to be drowned out with Daren’s angry cry. Blindly grabbing his glass of Crown from the counter, he throws it at a startled Tanim, who quickly dodges to the left. The glass smashes against the wall, whiskey and ices cubes flying in every direction, staining the pristine white of the wall and raining down on Tanim’s arms held above his head. Slowly standing from his crouch, Tanim turns dark gray eyes on Daren.

With a growl, he rushes around the island and fists Daren by the collar, slamming him up against the navy blue accent wall. A silver frame holding a picture of the two of them at the beach last summer falls to the ground, glass shattering with a loud crash. Tanim shoves his forearm into Daren’s neck, furiously staring into his lover’s eyes as the other chokes and gasps. Suddenly, Daren gives a little smirk, the side of his mouth lifting slightly as his knee comes up and collides solidly with Tanim’s groin. With a yelp, Tanim releases Daren and falls to the ground.

Daren gasps for breath and rubs his throat, then reaches down and grabs Tanim by his black hair, turning his face up and staring into his pain filled eyes. With another smirk, Daren leans down and kisses Tanim roughly, then violently smashes his fist into Tanim’s left cheek, dropping him to the ground. As Daren moves to punch him again, Tanim kicks out wildly and knocks Daren to the ground. Grabbing the cast-iron frying pan off the stove above his head, Tanim backhands Daren across the side of his face just as he starts to rise. Daren’s head smashes into refrigerator, blood streaming from his mouth and from a gash above his eyebrow. With a roar Tanim lunges on top of the stunned Daren, straddling his stomach and hitting whatever surface he can reach. Daren throws a hand out and catches Tanim’s fist clutching the frying pan, slamming it repeatedly against the refrigerator until his fingers release the heavy pan. Rearing back, Daren throws all of his weight into a fierce head-butt, then flattens his palm and cuts it up under Tanim’s chin. Rolling out from under his stunned lover, Daren leaps to his feet and moves back a few paces to the opposite side of the island. Tanim struggles to his feet, blood now streaming from his mouth and nose.

Their eyes meet across the island, Tanim’s lips curled into a growl and Daren’s into an amused smile. The only sound is the slow ticking of the clock, and the chirping of oblivious birds outside the sunny kitchen window. Leisurely lifting a hand, Daren makes a fist, then coils his forefinger into a beckoning gesture. With a rage-filled cry, Tanim grabs a dripping plate from the sink and throws it at Daren, who dodges. The sound of shattering porcelain and broken gasps fills the dusty air, until Daren flings a hand out and catches a flying blue and white plate. As if throwing a frisbee, Daren tosses the plate back, hitting Tanim squarely in the neck. Clutching his windpipe, Tanim can’t move fast enough to avoid Daren as he leaps onto the island, then down on him, knocking him to the ground again. Daren grabs the hair at the back of his head and starts to drag him to the living room.

Unwilling to admit defeat, Tanim grabs a piece of glass from the broken picture frame and blindly slashes at the arm fisting his hair. With a cry Daren releases him, and Tanim throws the glass piece at him, slicing him across the right cheek as Daren turns his head to avoid it. There is stunned silence for a moment, Daren staring at the floor, blood dripping from his face to the linoleum below. Turning his head back to Tanim, he stares at him, eyes no longer amused. He reaches out and grabs Tanim’s hair again, ignoring his pain filled cries and continuing into the living room. Kicking the coffee table out of the way, Daren releases Tanim, shoving him to the floor and falling on top of him. They stare at each other for a moment, then Tanim lunges up, covering Daren’s bloody mouth with his own. Daren savagely rips his white t-shirt off as Tanim’s hands reach for his zipper.


Smoke twists and coils into the hazy air of the darkened living room, drifting up from the cigarette in Daren’s red-stained left hand. His other arm is curled around the naked shoulders of a content Tanim, whose bloody head lays peacefully on Daren’s bruised chest. Daren shifts a bit as a piece of the busted coffee table digs painfully into his back, and Tanim flicks a piece of wood off of Daren’s chest, adding to the mass of broken furniture, china, glass and stuffing from the ripped couch littering the floor.

“Well,” says Daren, “that was a productive afternoon, no?”   
© 2009 - 2019 darkelvenmage
So last night my roommate ( :iconarryka: ) and bestest friend Stacy and I came up with a SUPER EPIC FIGHT SCENE between Tanim and Daren. I wanted to write the whole thing tonight but was having trouble because I suck at writing action, so Stacy and I made a deal. She would write the fight scene and I would bake her corn bread.

This is Stacy's fight scene based on our collaborative fight scene... thing. XD She wrote it in one sitting and didn't edit it any, so it's just a rough draft kinda thang.



Also, shameless self-promotion: [link]


Here's the random stream of consciousness that I typed out as Erika and Stacy enthusiastically planned this story:

It should start with an insult but we won't do insult cause no words, and then somebody tosses something at someone a glass okay yeah so it shatters right near his head so he comes at him and grabs him by his collar and throws him against the wall and the picture falls and shoves his arm aagainst his neck and then he should like throw him to the floor or he should KNEE HIM IN THE GROIN graaawh! And then he falls and ooh ooh! And as he falls he grabs his hair and turns his head up and and I dunno and then like PUNCHES him or maybe kiss him before he punches him or not maybe a gaze and are you gonna show me any mercy and NO, BAM! And then so he falls on the ground right and hes laying there and he SWINGS HIS FOOT AROUND and kicks his legs out and he falls to the ground. Okay so he falls and the other jumps up and gets on him and is like BAM BAM BAM and grabbing a fryin pan and back hands him and so then the guy getting the shit beat out of him grabs his hand and twists it and hes like AAHH and so then like hits his hand against the wall and he drops the frying pan and he punches him and then he upper cuts the guy on the ground and he falls backward and he gets up and flips over and then there should be a PAUSE and they're standing across from each other and breathing heavily and bleeding and I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BASTARD and they start fighting with THINGS and theyre like across the island and someone grabs plates and starts flinging them like frisbees and the other is dodging and catches one and throws it back and it hits him in the neck and he's like ACH! AAAGH and then he falls down and the other JUMPS UP ON THE COUNTER and then like jumps down on him and grabs him by the hair and drags him into the living room and then he manages to grab a piece of glass and slashes him in the leg and he falls to the ground and then he slashes his FACE and then he grabs him and as he's bleeding he grabs his hair like I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING TO YOU and they stare at each other and then start ripping each other's clothes off and really hard core rushed sexins occur, and then cut scene to them on the ground with shattered glass and broken stuff and them in their boxers sharing a cigarette.

“That was a good afternoon, huh?”
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
Comments (8)
Arryka's avatar
whatever, I love it, so he can suck it.
you have no sense of whimsy. YAY!
Reply  ·  
LewdLegerdemain's avatar
Your very good my dear, but it seems like you're trying to hard at description. Its better to let the reader fill in the detail with their own imagination and is much easier. For example in the second paragraph when Tanim shover Daren into the wall causing the picture frame to fall you could simply say, "The silver framed picture of the two of them arm in arm at the beach last summer shattered as Daren's back collided with the glass sending shards of broken glass cascading the floor bellow." This is just an example I'm not telling you how to write your story. I just feel you need to let it flow together instead of describing each object individually.

Also... that's some rough stuff. Never heard of two gay guys acting on testosterone like that, but hey, what ever rubs your dub.
Reply  ·  
darkelvenmage's avatar
Also, Stacy says: You tell me not to add more detail, but to let the reader make up their own picture, and then you subsequently add a bunch of filler info yourself. I specifically didn't say what was in the picture, because that would be excessive and mess with the flow of my writing. However, I do appreciate your feedback. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Reply  ·  
LewdLegerdemain's avatar
*raised eyebrow* I'm not saying they all have pillow fights, but most gay men I've met are very mild tempered. (and that's quite a few when you lived in Cali for awhile)

Perhaps that was the wrong sentence. More that in the sentence before when you said "navy blue accent wall" when wall would have suited fine is more what I meant.

Also I did the arm in arm for funzis--oh yes I used the word funzis--since he's being smashed against a picture of them in a more sweet gesture.
Reply  ·  
johnnytainted's avatar
Never heard of two gay guys acting on testosterone like that, but hey, what ever rubs your dub.

I'm not saying they all have pillow fights, but most gay men I've met are very mild tempered. (and that's quite a few when you lived in Cali for awhile)

Ever heard of muscle bears? Castro clones? Gay men, like all people, come in many different forms.
Reply  ·  
darkelvenmage's avatar
Stacy says the "navy blue accent wall" comment was also for funzis. To be honest, Stacy has a thing for accent walls. I'm not sure why. I think she might be a closet interior decorator.

And besides, you don't know what the gays do in the privacy of their own homes.

Though they probably don't destroy their furniture.

Because that's just silly. :3
Reply  ·  
darkelvenmage's avatar
Yes, because gay men are all super feminine.
Reply  ·  
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
©2019 DeviantArt
All Rights reserved