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literature

Raz and the Desert King: Part 2

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By DanVzare   |   Watch
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Published: February 9, 2014
One of the guards went behind Raz and leaned his gun against Raz’s backside. ‘Get moving!’ the guard shouted. Raz then began to walk in the direction he was instructed to move in, and the majority of the other guards then proceeded to go back to their posts. Raz was led into a back entrance of the palace and into what appeared to be an unused hallway. Raz quickly realized that this unused hallway, was actually a dungeon of some sort, and the rooms were quite obviously holding cells. Raz was then pushed into one of the holding cells, and the guard quickly locked the barred cell door and walked away. Raz ran up to the cell door and shouted out ‘Hey! Don’t I get a trial or something? You can’t prove I touched that well! I want my phone call!’ When no one responded, Raz walked into the middle of the cell and inspected his surroundings. It was a simple room. There was a small opening at the top of the wall which Raz could’ve probably fitted through, but it was unfortunately blocked off by some metal bars. Although even if those metal bars were not there, he still would not have been able to reach it, as the room was quite tall, and the window was at the very top of the wall. On the floor was a hard mat made from plant fibres, and a metal pot, which he did not want to ever have to use. This was, by far, the most primitive and worse cell Raz had ever seen, and what was worse, was that he was locked inside it.

Raz walked towards the mat, which he assumed had been put there for prisoners to sleep on, and he began to think. He thought it was a bit severe to lock someone up for merely attempting to use a well, but then again, some cultures can be worse than that. He also thought about how rough the guard that led him into the cell had been. There was no real reason to push him into the cell. Raz then began to feel a little saddened by his situation, cursing himself for having not left the planet as soon as he arrived. He then sat there for a few more seconds, until jumping onto his feet and saying with a proud look on his face ‘Well then, time to escape from this hellhole, it’s not like I haven’t been in worse!’ Raz then began formulating a series of plans. He tried climbing the wall to reach the opening, he tried forcing the cell door open, he also tried fitting through the small gaps between the bars that made the cell door. Last but not least, he tried to dig out of the cell. He gave up on that last plan as soon as he realized that the floor was made from the same hard rock as the walls.

Hours passed, and Raz continued to try and escape. He tried every stupid thought that passed through his mind, no matter how ridiculous. Eventually a guard came to the cell with some food and water. ‘Oh finally, someone to talk to, are you going to take me out for questioning or something? I’m losing my mind in here!’ The guard looked at Raz, but merely ignored him, and unlocked the door. Raz walked up to the cell door, the guard placed the food and water onto the ground in front of Raz, and then the guard locked the cell door back up before leaving. Raz paused to look at his food for a moment, and then walked towards the cell door and shouted to the guard who was now completely out of view ‘You lock me up for attempting to take some water, and now you’re giving me water! Don’t you find that a bit contradictory?’ Raz stood there for a moment waiting for a reply, but there was none. So he shrugged it off and ate his meal, before continuing to try and escape again.

More and more hours passed, and the guard finally came back and took the plate and cup away, and eventually so much time had passed, that Raz began to feel tired but refused to sleep. The planet was always in a perpetual state of daylight, and he knew that, but Raz was the type of creature that preferred to sleep when it was dark. Eventually he gave into his sleepiness and his boredom, and went to sleep on the hard mat, despite the daylight outside.

‘Psst, hey!’ a voice whispered from high up. ‘Hey you!’ the voice said louder. ‘Uh, what?’ Raz murmured as he awoke from his slumber ‘Who is that?’ Raz asked. ‘Up here.’ The voice whispered. Raz got up, slightly dazed from having been awoken, and looked up towards the small opening at the top of the wall. There was a man up there; Raz couldn’t quite make out any details except for a scar over his right eye. ‘What do you want?’ Raz asked. ‘I’m here to bust you out.’ The man responded. ‘Why, what’s in it for you?’ The man stopped to look down for a moment as though he was staring at his feet, and then looked back at Raz and said ‘Do you mind if we do this conversation later, I’m holding onto these bars and my arms are starting to ache.’ ‘Fair enough, what do you need me to do?’ ‘Just stay back, and face the other direction.’ Raz then walked towards the cell door, and stood there for a moment. Then he was suddenly blown against the cell door, as the wall behind him unexpectedly exploded open. Raz was dazed, confused, in pain, but most importantly, all he could hear was a loud ringing sound. Raz turned around and saw the man right next to him in the thick fog of dust, with his arm outstretched. His lips were moving, but Raz could not hear anything but that same loud ringing sound. Soon afterwards the man grabbed Raz’s arm and pulled him as he ran out of the cell and through the newly created hole in the wall. Raz could see guards making their way towards them, but the man pulled Raz to the other direction where there was a hover vehicle of some sort. The man picked up Raz and placed him in the hover vehicle and then got in himself to try and start it. Raz’s hearing was now starting to come back, and he could hear what sounded like shouting, out in the distance. Just then a few laser shots flew past Raz’s head, making him jump back in shock ‘Phew that was close!’ Raz said, although he could barely make out his own voice from the ringing in his ears. Suddenly the vehicle jutted to life, and Raz nearly fell out from the sudden acceleration. In only a matter of seconds, the two of them were out into the desert, with the town quickly shrinking in the distance.

Raz’s hearing had just about come back, when the man said ‘so you wanted to know what the catch was?’ ‘Oh yeah, I nearly forgot about that, what with the action movie scene earlier. So why exactly did you save me?’ ‘It’s simple really, I want off this planet.’ ‘Ok, so I guess we have something in common, now again, please explain why you saved me?’ The man sighed, and continued ‘Stuz Sho who is the king of this planet, has commandeered all ships, to stop anyone from leaving or entering the planet. You’re here, which means you have a ship, which means you have a way off the planet. I want you to take me with you.’ ‘Ah, that explains it!’ There was then a short pause as the man waited for another response, until eventually the man said ‘Well are you going to tell me the direction to where your ship is?’ ‘Oh yeah, sorry about that, it’s that way.’ Raz said while pointing in what he believed to be the right direction. Everywhere looked the same to Raz, but he had a very good sense of direction, so he was fairly certain that he was pointing in the right general direction.

After a short while had passed, where no more words were interchanged as the two them were left to their own thoughts, something red could be seen in the distance. Raz got up from his relaxed laid back position, and pointed towards it ‘That’s it, that’s where we need to go.’ The man drove up to the Fruit Juice Machine and pulled up alongside it. Raz then got out, and the man soon followed. Raz hadn’t gotten a good look at the man until now, and could now see that he looked more battle harden than the others he had met, although also younger. Raz then also realized that he hadn’t learned the name of his saviour yet, and so asked ‘So what’s your name then? Mine’s Raz.’ The man looked somewhat surprised at this question, perhaps because he too hadn’t realized that the two of them hadn’t shared introductions yet ‘The name’s Scrar.’ Raz then put out his hand ‘Put it there Scar!’ Scrar did not shake Raz’s hand, instead just looking at it confused ‘It’s Scrar not Scar.’ He said. ‘Yeah I heard you the first time around, but your name sounds so much like Scar, and you do have that scar on your face, so I thought it’d be an interesting nickname.’ ‘Please don’t call me that.’ ‘What ever you say… Scar.’ Raz then turned around to face his Fruit Juice Machine, noticing a great amount of heat haze. It felt colder than before, yet the heat haze was much more intense. ‘Is this your, spaceship?’ asked Scrar. ‘It sure is, isn’t she a beaut?’ ‘Why does it look like a, um, vending machine?’ ‘Oh, that’s just its cloaking device. It stops people from trying to steal it and stuff.’ ‘But a vending machine, in a desert. That’s not very inconspicuous.’ ‘Well you didn’t know it was a spaceship did you!’ ‘I guess not.’ Scrar then looked over his shoulder and did a few hand signals, which Raz failed to notice because he was admiring his Fruit Juice Machine. ‘Well, I guess we better get inside and get outta here then.’ Raz said as he turned around to face Scrar. But as Raz finished saying these words, he noticed the heat haze quickly turn into several squads of guards, followed by the same intimidating sound of clicks that Raz had heard the last time he was surrounded by guns. It was then that Raz realized that it was not heat haze he had seen, but people with invisibility cloaks. ‘Thanks for leading us to your spaceship, we couldn’t have found it without you.’ Scrar said. Raz remained silent and annoyed. Scrar then took one last look at the Fruit Juice Machine before issuing an order to the guards ‘Take him away, and bring this… “spaceship” along with you. Stuz Sho will be most pleased with us.’
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© 2014 - 2019 DanVzare
Next Part: fav.me/d76ovqg
Previous Part: fav.me/d74tcfj

While writing this part, I felt that I not only used Raz's name too many times, but that I also made the beginning a little too sad and hopeless. None the less, I'm rather proud of the way it ends. I originally had an extra part for the ending, but I figured that part would be best served as the start of the third part.

If at all possible, please comment on how you think my writing style is, and what I you think I need to improve on. For example, do you find my dialog a bit hard to follow and understand?
The more criticism I receive, the better I will become. :D

Also, what do you think to the story thus far?

... I wonder if anyone (other than ToddNTheShiningSword) will ever reply this message?
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There exists no other technology created by humans that is advanced as the pokéball. This device is capable of reducing physical objects- living and inanimate, into condensed and computer-coded soups of atomic particles and then casting out and rebuilding the object. It is an unparalleled technological feat that has changed an entire nation and set widespread and unpredictable precedent. What gives this device its reputation is that it can particalize living animals, and reconstruct them into the exact same condition, and the animal can carry on with its life. In the Pokémon Nation, these innocent looking devices have become a symb
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