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PIB Ponies In Black 2 by dan232323 PIB Ponies In Black 2 by dan232323
Some fitting music for the image: www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNneuB…

PIB Ponies in Black 1: PIB Ponies in Black
PIB Ponies in Black 3: PIB Ponies in Black 3

As the moon rises in Equestria and the sun sets all is quiet but one mirror antique store is disturbing the peace with magical glow coming out of one of its mirrors. Suddenly Sunset Shimmer jumps out of the mirror in human form. Well this wont do... - she looks at her self, and starts to magically change shape in to a pony. The moment the transformation is over out of nowhere a unicorn thug jumps at her from behind with a levitating knife at her throat. - Well hello there beautiful you taste good. One of Sunsets Shimmer hoofs turns back in to a hand a grabs him by the head. Magic energy starts to flow out of him is he falls to the ground colorless and grey. Thanks, you to - Sunset Shimmer smiles...


Rainbow Dash and her new partner wearing all black are walking over to old house in Ponyville. Hey freak open the door! - the partner bashes it with his hoof. Now Jeff lets take it easy, his new and very stupid - Rainbow Dash cautiously says wile giving a bad look the her partner. A loud obnoxious snarl comes out of the door. Hey we don't have all day you freak come on - the partner keeps yelling. Suddenly the door slams open to reveal a huge muscle bound human - Jeff Smash puny pony!!! - he yells slamming them both with his fists. Rainbow falls to the side as Jeff charges over to her partner full speed. Boy Jeff you've been working out - Rainbow takes out a small magical energy gun and shoots at Jeff's feet - Don't make me do this Jeff! Go back to your house! Your roaming privileges are over and think about what you done. Jeff snarl's and slowly turns in to a pony walking back inside the house. You hurt? - Rainbow help's her partner up. Just my pride. - The partner gets up with small moan - Come on lets go for a snack.


Both of them sit in a small restaurant eating apple pie as Rainbow asks - why did you join? I like the glory i like the action. - The Partner answers confidently. You want to be a hero? Well tell me something, have you ever herd of a pony named Rainbow Dash? No. Well she saved Equestria from a Brony invasion two years ago, if you want to be a hero your in the wrong business. - Rainbow takes out her Neuralizer and flashes it on him - go home, have a family.


Rainbow walks in to a big room with a huge ventilator to the side of it. Morning Frank - she greets the bum pony that sits there and reads some torn up magazine. Morning, i see you lost your partner... again - he says barley looking up at her. Bite me Frank! - Rainbow responds with annoyance entering the elevator. Rainbow enters the PIB HQ walking to Celestias offices. I said im busy! look you try raising the sun every single day will see if you got the time for parties. - Celestia yells with anger in to a phone. Oh its you. So is Jeff taken care of? - Celestia looks up at Rainbow - wheres your new partner? Let me guess. You Neuralized him? 
He was no good ran in there like an idiot and disturbed Jeff - Rainbow Dash explanes. That maybe true but you still need a partner. Look i have a new assignment for you - Celestia levitates a small picture of Sunset Shimmer in-front of Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash: Didn't Twilight took care of her along time ago?

Celestia : Yes well she didn't finish the job, something about friendship, i don't know. Any way shes back and shes looking for the elements of harmony again. She has gown more powerful, shes one of the rare humans with magic abilities and from what our intelligence tells us she amassed a human army at her command. All she needs are the elements of harmony witch i gave to Twilight before YOU Neuralized her to.

Rainbow Dash : Look she asked for it, she couldn't take the pressure anymore so i helped her out.

Celestia : Where is she now?

Rainbow Dash: She works at the post office with Derpy.

Celestia : Bring her in, Now!


Rainbow enters a small post office in Ponyville where an unusual amount of ponies line up in-front of Twilight. Good ponies of Ponyville, id like to have you attention please. in order to facilitate your shipping needs , id like to remind you that all packages must be properly wrapped, this is and example of go home and do it again. - Twilight levitates up a badly wrapped gift basket.

Rainbow Dash : Twi.

Twilight Sparkle : That's Miss Sparkle to you slick, packages go to box over there.

Rainbow Dash ; You don't remember me but we used to work together.

Twilight Sparkle : I never worked in a funeral home is there something i can do for you?

Rainbow Dash : Ok straight to the point then, im part of a secret organisation that monitors humans in Equestria you used to be an agent and i need your help.

Twilight Sparkle: There is a free mental clinic two blocks from here. Next!

Rainbow Dash : I have no time for this.

Rainbow Dash walks over a small table and raises it above the ground to revel Derpy but with two human hands throwing paper packages with extreme speed while eating a muffin. Twilight in a calm but shocked state walks over to her and takes he muffin away. - no eating in the work place!. Well that explanes the weird eyes.

Derpy: I was one of the early ones they gave me defective spell. Witch by the way when are you going to fix it?

Rainbow Dash: We are working on it but we currently have bigger issues.

Derpy : Typical PIB.

Rainbow Dash : You coming?

Twilight Sparkle : Fine fill me in on the way.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight walk over to a black flight carriage.

Twilight Sparkle: Where are the Pegasuses?

Rainbow Dash: We don't need no Pegasuses. - Rainbow Dash smiles

They both get in as the carriage transforms into a small get.

Twilight Sparkle: what is this!

Hold on to your plots! - Rainbow Dash yells as they blast off at mach 2 speed.


Hello my little ponies! - Sunset Shimmer blows threw PIB HQ doors. Ponies in black rush at her but she blasts them away while some ponies from behind turn in to humans and grab the remaining agents. Sunset shimmer walks in to Celestias office. - well hello there no time no see. Sunset Shimmer levitates Celestia off the ground by her neck. Where are the elements of harmony?

Celestia spits in her face - i wouldn't tell you even if i did know. Scum like you are why we created the PIB.

Twilight Sparkle: EAT FRIENDSHIP!!! - a blast of magical energy blows Sunset Shimmer away from Celestia. - Step away from the princess. - Twilight says holding a huge smoking Magic particle canon next to Dash. Twilight reloads as a big magically infused shell drops on the ground.

Rainbow Dash : Shes not so tough.

Sunset Shimmer gets up squishes the gun with magic and levitates Twilight in the air. - Well , well , well its been a long time, you never call, you never wright, what did i do?

Twilight Sparkle struggling - How about trying to take over Equestria ... Twice.

Sunset Shimmer: You cant let small things like that ruin our friendship Twi.

Twilight Sparkle: We are not friends.

I am going to enjoy this - Sunset Shimmer starts to suck out Twilight's magical life force.

Rainbow Dash : Hey two legs!

Sunset Shimmer looks over at Rainbow Dash and laughs. - What are you going to do? You don't even have magic.

Rainbow Dash : No. But i do have good old fashioned brute force! - Rainbow Dash blasts with a sonic rain-boom at her with full speed blowing her through multiple walls away from PIB HQ.




Twilight base vector: Unamused Twilight

Rainbow Dash base vector: mlprainbow.com/2013/04/08/quel…
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:icondarthwill3:
DarthWill3 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is just too cool!
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:iconlw9510:
LW9510 Featured By Owner May 21, 2016
Plots? Ugh not this pervert talk again
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Edited May 21, 2016
Uhm, its not meant to be pervy its just a joke. That's what they call it in the show. They cant say butt, that's why its funny. :)
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:iconlw9510:
LW9510 Featured By Owner May 21, 2016
But EAT FRIENDSHIP really broke me XD
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner May 21, 2016
Hehe thanks :)
Reply
:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Twilight: Ok here we go automatic pilot. (presses the button and an inflatable PIB agent appears and does nothing) It is not automatic piloting!
Rainbow: He doesn't operate at hyperspeed.
Twilight: I only know how to use a steering wheel!
Rainbow: Well we don't have a damn steering wheel! This is what we got! (turns off automatic pilot) Didn't your mother ever give you a GameColt?
Twilight: WHAT is a GameColt!?
Rainbow: You know what move. Move! (Twilight and Rainbow switch places) That is not the navigational seat. Ok move down.
Sunset Shimmer: Idiots.
Twilight: The suburbs is not a good place to lose her.
Rainbow: Quiet. I'm looking for him.
Twilight: Who?
Rainbow: Jeff.
(Rainbow immediately stops, Sunset passes them and heads directly at Jeff's house)
Sunset Shimmer: Uh oh. Muscles.
(Jeff grabs the ship, spins it around and threw it into the distance which caused an explosion, PIB relaxes and the inflatable PIB agent pops back up)
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2015
GameColt is so much better then Friendship-Box any way. Next gen graphics and better games.

Now im wondering if they have console wars in Equestria to :D
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Hidden by Commenter
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2015
UHm... isn't Jeff a human here?

Come on make it work don't just copy. :)

I made some changes to make it work.
Reply
:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Can you show me the changes?
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
No i meant i made my the story a bit different from the movie. You just did "gets eaten by Jeff" but his human in my story so maybe he smashes her or something :)

"Jeff smash puny pony!"
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:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
I couldn't change it so instead I hid the original comment and remade it to match your version.
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Lol ok chill its not that important its just a silly joke. :D

(Taken way to far)
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:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Did you see the comment? I even made a new dialogue on your PIB 3 poster.
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2015
Yeah i saw it :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Oh ok. I'll change it. I'll tell you when I changed it.
Reply
:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2015
(Twilight and Rainbow arrive at Twilight's old home in Canterlot)
(inside is a normal regular family with a daughter, Twilight and Rainbow walk in)
Twilight: Don't worry about a thing folks, I used to live here. Came by to pick up a few things.
(Twilight twists the thermostat and the wall opens up to reveal a room full of weapons)
Rainbow: Nice place.
(Twilight and Rainbow pick up a few weapons and walk out of the room, Rainbow and Twilight put on their sunglasses with Twilight sealing up the room while Rainbow gets ready to neuralyze the family)
Rainbow: (flashes)
Twilight: You did not see a room full of shiny weapons, it's just a normal family house. You will cherish and love each other for the rest of your lives.
Rainbow: Which could be the next 27 or 28 minutes, so ya'll should get to loving and cherishing. Oh, and she can stay up as late as she wants and have cookies and candy and cake and junk and stuff.
Reply
:iconskalopultondraw20:
Vinyl: (gasps) A neuralize...
(flashes both Vinyl and Octavia)
Rainbow Dash: Ok first get some sunglasses because you'll look more cool. Second take her to The Crystal Empire get her a Crystal Lobster dinner pay more than a bit. Third the second y'all get back from The Crystal Empire move your bum ass out of your Mom's house come on your like 20 years old and...
Twilight: Rainbow?!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah yeah! (turns back to Yinyl and Octavia) Oh and there ain't no such things as humans or Ponies in Black. (leaves)
Vinyl: You want to go to The Crystal Empire?
Octavia: Yeah.
(Vinyl grabs a shovel)
Vinyl: Hey Mom!
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner May 23, 2015
Cambodia really should be replayed with a pony place like maybe the Crystal Empire. :)

"Ok first get some sunglasses because you'll look more cool." lol well this explanes where Vinyl go those from. :D
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:iconskalopultondraw20:
SkalopultonDraw20 Featured By Owner May 24, 2015
Ok I'll edit my comment to change Cambodia to The Crystal Empire.
Reply
:iconthemrminish:
TheMrMinish Featured By Owner Edited Nov 15, 2014
I want to see the show remade with ponies xD

Good job! Sparta Emoji-03 (Exercise) 
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014
thx glad you liked it, there is a PIB 1 and 3 you can check them out to if you liked this :)
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:iconpyramidhead90:
PyramidHead90 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
Considering the purpose of the MIB was to handle alien relationships and keep them a secret, i now have this image in my head of The Covenant invading Equestria.  I wonder what a pony city turned to glass by heavy plasma bombardment would smell like...
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
well here its humans no aliens its funny and fits better :)
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:iconpyramidhead90:
PyramidHead90 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
Wouldn't humans technically be aliens anyway?  Or does the definition not include mirror worlds?  Would Zaphod Beeblebrox not be an alien to Equestria if it turns out his home world was also in the same location in space as the pony world is in there universe?
Or would he count as a true alien since he has two heads and eats steak?  Would i count as an alien because i can actually cook unlike that stupid fucking bitch Pinkie Pie who claims to be a professional but measures in fucking volume THAT STUPID FUCKING PINK-- *Ahem* sorry, incompetence in my professional field is a pet peeve.  And by "Pet Peeve" i mean "Psychotic Hatred."
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
Humans are aliens that's what makes it funny we are the aliens :D
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:iconpyramidhead90:
PyramidHead90 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
Well that certainly explains politicians and Christian conservatives.
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:iconamazoness-king:
amazoness-king Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh this is to funny
Reply
:iconevilwithindarksouls:
EvilWithinDarkSouls Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Wow best thing ever
Reply
:icon1nfernalflame:
1nfernalFlame Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
holy cowness pony stuffff!!!F!F!F!F!FF!F!FF!F!FF!
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:iconsamahami:
samahami Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yeah. Yay. Good for you. Oh yeah. Yay. Good for you. Oh yeah. Yay. Good for you. Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Dash Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Dash Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Dash Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Dash Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Mane Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Mane Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Mane Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Mane Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Mane Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Stallion Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Stallion Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Stallion Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Complete Stallion Six Clap Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Blitz Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Blitz Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Blitz Clapping Pony Icon - Rainbow Blitz 
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:iconcajobif:
cajobif Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014
Oh! Nice crossover.

Wonderful work
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
thx :)
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:iconcajobif:
cajobif Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
My pleasure
Reply
:iconsevenofeleven:
sevenofeleven Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014
No noisy crickets here.
Wait, they do have them but they are outside.

Cool story.
There are some issues here.
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
Like what?
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:iconsevenofeleven:
sevenofeleven Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
As the moon rises in Equestria and the sun sets all is quiet but one mirror antique store is disturbing the peace with magical glow coming out of one of its mirrors.

A lot of stories are done in past tense, mixing tenses confuses the readers.
As the moon rose in Equestria and the sun sets...
------------------------------------------

the order is strange here: one mirror antique store vs one antique mirror store.
------------------------------------------------
Suddenly(,) Sunset Shimmer jumps out of the mirror in human form.

You need commas in a bunch of sentences.
------------------------------------
Well this wont do... - she looks at her self, and starts to magically change shape in to a pony.

This sentence is kinda strange, the first part seems like dialog but its not formatted right.
Also the tense is not past tense.

"Well, this won't do," Sunset said as she looked at her human self. She focused her will to change into an unicorn pony.
----------------------
The moment the transformation is over(,) out of nowhere a unicorn thug jumps at her from behind with a levitating knife at her throat.
-------------
There are more issues but I stopped here.
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Edited Nov 5, 2014
wow your sound like my English teacher ... so its a B- ? :D

Im not really american so yeah im sure i have allot of mistakes but thanks ill try watch out for those next time :)

"Well this wont do... - she looks at her self, and starts to magically change shape in to a pony.

This sentence is kinda strange, the first part seems like dialog but its not formatted right.
Also the tense is not past tense."

What do you mean not formatted right? This is the format i used for most dialog. Some one talks... - and the explanation of what happened. How is this wrong? I have seen it done this way in some books, you can do both :)

You are right about me mixing past and present that is a mistake ill fix it thanks :)
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:iconsevenofeleven:
sevenofeleven Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
"wow your sound like my English teacher ... so its a B-"

I had to learn all sorts of grammar and writing mechanics because it made it easier for folks to read my stories.

Let me know and I will send you a link on the stuff that people smack me on.
I still get smacked, not that much now.

I post stuff on Fimfiction.net and they are very picky about grammar and other writing stuff.
They will give you negative marks on grammar.

If you want to write and have people read your story without tripping over basic grammar issues, you have to know this stuff too.
---------------------------------
"Im not really american so yeah im sure i have allot of mistakes but thanks ill try watch out for those next time"

That is a good attitude to have because writing is complicated.
Writing a good story requires that a lot has to work.

------------------------------------------
One thing good writers do is that they describe things. They use descriptive words to show things in their story.
This allows the reader to see what's in the writer's mind.

Its Show vs Tell.

Ex
Patricia felt bad when she heard about her mother's death.

Vs
When the news hit her about her mother's death, Patricia slumped against the white door like all of the air was sucked out of her body.

You should start trying to write more descriptively. Readers love it because they can see what you are trying to show. The story comes alive in their heads. Also they will remember the story.

------------------------------------
"Well this wont do... - she looks at her self, and starts to magically change shape in to a pony.
There is a tense problem here.
wont is spelled wrong.

I have seen a lot of books do this:
"Well, this won't do..." she looked at her self, and started to magically change shape in to a pony.

Here is a quick test, if your format is correct, can you find two sites that say so?

Formatting dialog
bubblecow.com/formatting-dialo…
homeworktips.about.com/od/writ…
webs.anokaramsey.edu/wrobel/11…

There are articles here on DA that can help with writing.
sevenofeleven.deviantart.com/f…
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
lol well thanks but im not really a professional writer its just something i did for fun

thx any way :)
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:iconsevenofeleven:
sevenofeleven Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
I am not a pro either, maybe some day.

Kudos on your bioshock+Mlp crossovers and Wolfenstien stuff too.
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
thx :)
Reply
:iconkmathel94:
kmathel94 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist
bunneh icon1 OHHH YEA
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:iconl-master:
L-MASTER Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
cool 
Reply
:iconrbdoucette:
RBDoucette Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
Twilight seems annoyed while Dash makes it 20% cooler. :)
Reply
:icondragnmastralex:
Dragnmastralex Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
PIB... maybe should have kept it MIB but instead of Men in Black it would be Mares in Black
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:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
i like ponies in black better mares in black implies only females are in black when both genders are working for them :)
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:icondragnmastralex:
Dragnmastralex Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
and Men in Black doesn't imply that only men work for the alien busters?
Reply
:icondan232323:
dan232323 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
Men in English has two meanings male and human, mare only means female
Reply
:icondragnmastralex:
Dragnmastralex Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
no that's MAN not men... mankind not menkind... your confusing the 2. you can say its the plural version but that would have to take on the the - between the words like Men-in-black... like a Men-at-arms.  fact is they meant males in-fact the only female that wears the suit in the series is fired from her job and sent back to work in the morgue before the next movie.  Sure in part 3 they have a female but she was a secretary in the past and she has been denied as a filed operative because she was a woman.  So in this sense it was all males and the title says it truthfully MEN in black.  Mares would work because how many males are in the show? maybe 5 total?
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Submitted on
October 29, 2014
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