Lose Yourself: Part 5

Lose Yourself (Part 5)

[ Shipping | Angst ]

The first thing Spike registered when he woke up was that Sweetie Belle was still lying on top of him, still stone-cold asleep.  So this is it. We're really together now. The thought made him a little nervous, not unreasonable considering its implications. But more than that, it made him feel amazingly liberated. Now that they both knew how things were, Spike felt so much more at ease. It was like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He smiled to himself as he ran his hand through Sweetie Belle's mane. He had meant it when he had told her that he loved her, the proof was in the warmth that he felt inside as he looked at her. Sweetie Belle stirred at his touch, yawning as she awakened. She looked up at him with bleary eyes, a smile to match his own on her face.

"Hey, you."

She kissed him lightly on the cheek, then snuggled up against him. She spoke softly as she rested her head on his chest.

"So what now, Spike? Where do we go from here?

Spike sighed to himself as reality came back to him. It was great that he and Sweetie Belle were now official, but that didn't change the fact that things were still pretty cruddy for both of them. For one thing, he couldn't keep living in these orchards. Sure, they were undeniably pretty, and he liked the solitude that staying here gave him, but it was hardly a suitable place to live. It was already starting to get colder as November moved into December, and the first snows would probably come any day now. And then there was the matter of him and Twilight. He was still angry with her for how things had been the past few years, but dammit, she'd been his best friend for so long, almost like his mother. Spike couldn't just leave things like they were, with so much anger and bitterness between the two of them.

"Well first…I have some unfinished business at the library."

"…Are you sure that's a good idea, Spike? The last time I saw Twilight, she was pretty wrecked. Seeing you again so soon after…after what happened…it might not be the best thing for her."

"I know…but I have to make this right. If I left things like this, then what would that make me?"

For a while, Sweetie Belle was silent. Then, in a quiet voice she spoke again.

"…I'm proud of you, Spike. I don't think I'd have the courage to do it myself…if you want, I could come with you…"

Spike smiled at her and hugged her a little tighter.

"Thanks, Sweetie Belle. But this is something I have to do on my own."

-----

Spike gritted his teeth, steeling himself for what he was about to do. Come on, you pansy. You need to fix this, you can't just leave things like this. He took a deep breath, then knocked on the library's front door. For about half a minute, there was no reply. It felt like hours to Spike. Then the door opened slowly.

"Y-yes? Who is it?"

It felt like a punch in the stomach for Spike to see Twilight like this. She looked worn and tired, like she hadn't slept for days. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her voice was even more quiet and timid than Fluttershy's.

"Sp-…Spike?! W-what are y-you doing here? I d-didn't think you w-were coming back…"

Ah, jeez. She was starting to break down again. Well, better get this started. He gave her a weak smile.

"Can I come in? I just want to talk."

Ten uncomfortable minutes later, they were both sitting on the couch. A tense silence stretched between them while they stared at their untouched cups of tea. Come on, man. You came here for a reason, remember? Just do it! But before Spike could say anything, Twilight spoke up. Her voice was raw, but she managed to keep from stuttering.

"Spike, I know that you feel like I've been ignoring you…I really didn't mean for it to be that way. I've been really busy with my life, but that's no excuse for how I've treated you. You've been my friend for most of my life, and I really do care for you…I should have paid more attention to how you were feeling, instead of just assuming that you were fine. I…I did take you for granted, and I wouldn't blame you if…if you can't forgive me."

"Twilight-"

She kept going as if he hadn't said a word. It was like she was letting out something she'd needed to say for days…which was probably the case.

"It was wrong of me to just bring Question here without telling you… I…I know that you don't think much of him, and it probably didn't help that you walked in on us…well, you know what we were doing. And I shouldn't have lied to you like I did…There was no excuse for that, none at all. You deserve the truth from me, and it was wrong of me to try to hide what happened from you."

"Twilight-"

Again, she just kept going. By now, she was starting to cry and her voice was beginning to crack, but she kept speaking as if she couldn't bear to leave any of it unsaid.

"So, I just want to say, I'm so, so sorry for how things have become. I know that just saying that doesn't change anything, but I want you to know that I'm-"

"Twilight! Stop it. You don't need to apologize to me."

She looked up at him, surprise on her face.

"Look…I am angry with you…but you've been there for me my entire life, and I don't want what I said to ruin things between us. The way I acted…it was selfish, and childish, and just…just so stupid. No matter how angry I was, you didn't deserve any of what I said to you. And as for your coltfriend…yeah, I don't like him, but it's your choice who you go out with, not mine. If you're happy being with him, then that's all that should matter…And…Twilight, I know this may sound weird, but…you're the closest thing to a mom that I've got. It was wrong of me to treat you the way I did…to say the things I said…you deserve better from me. So please…don't apologize to me. There's no need for you to do that. I'm the one who should be apologizing…so Twilight…can you forgive me?"

There were tears running down Twilight's cheeks, but there was a smile on her face. She grabbed him in a spine-crushing hug and gave a little laugh of relief.

"I already have, Spike…Can you forgive me?"

He smiled in relief as he answered her.

"Of course I do."

Twilight still didn't let go of him, but he felt her relax her embrace a little bit. For a few minutes, they just sat there on the couch, both of them happy and relieved to be forgiven. Then Twilight let go of him and sat back on the couch, looking at him with a warm smile on her face.

"I'm proud of you, Spike…That was a very grown-up thing that you did just now…not to mention, I'm not sure I deserved it…but you really have grown up, Spike. Nopony can deny that you're not a baby anymore. I'm just so…so proud of you. Sweetie Belle is lucky to have you."

Wait, what?! How did Twilight…oh, yeah. She'd probably been able to guess the truth when Sweetie Belle had come by, asking about him.

"You're….You're not mad? About me and Sweetie Belle…seeing each other?"

Twilight laughed a little and smiled at him as she spoke.

"Of course I'm not mad! I'll admit, it does seem a little strange to me…a dragon and a unicorn being together…but if you really do love each other, then why would it be wrong?"

Spike breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, Twilight. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"Anytime, Spike! …So, what now? If you want, you can come back and live here…as long as I'm here, you'll always have a place to stay."

"I really appreciate it, Twilight…but I think I need to move on. I don't know where I'll go from here, but it's time for me to start living my own life. And if I stayed here, I don't think that would ever really happen."

Twilight looked a little sad, but then she put on a smile and looked him in the eye.

"Well, if that's what you think is best, you have my blessing. I wish you the best of luck wherever you go, and if you ever need any help, you know you can call on me. Oh and Spike…"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Take care of Sweetie Belle. She needs someone she can rely on…so don't let her down."

"Don't worry, Twilight. I won't."

With that, Spike stood up and got ready to leave. But before he could even take a step towards the door, Twilight jumped up from the couch.

"Hold on just a minute, Spike, I've got something to give you before you leave."

With that, she turned and ran upstairs to her room. Spike scratched his head; he could hear her banging around up there, but he had no idea what she was doing. After a few minutes, Twilight came back downstairs, holding a medium-sized pouch.

"It's not much, but it's all that I've got."

When Spike opened the pouch his jaw dropped. Inside were what had to be at least a thousand bits in cash!

"Twilight, you don't need to-"

She held up a hoof for silence, a small smile on her face.

"Of course I don't need to. But really, Spike, do you think I'd just let you sleep in the gutter? That should be enough to keep a roof over your head until you can figure out what you're going to do."

Twilight's voice dropped a little lower as she finished speaking. She grabbed him in a loving hug and put her head on his shoulder.

"Oh Spike, I'm so proud of you! It seems like just yesterday you were hatching out of your egg and sucking your tail-"

"Aw jeez, Twilight!"

"-and now you're all grown up and moving out on your own! ...Take care of yourself, Spike. I hope that, whatever you decide to do, wherever you decide to go, you can be happy. And never forget, I love you."

"I love you too, Twilight…take care of yourself too."

He hugged her back, then turned to leave.

"And Twilight? …Thanks for everything."

She smiled at him and waved as he left. Long after Spike had passed out of sight, Twilight stood in the doorway, watching the point where he had disappeared. Finally, she sighed to herself and went back inside.