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Hey ladies and gents ! D: It's been a long time since my last entry. è_é Well, I don't write that much entry though... So, I'm still working in Monaco at the moment and it's quite nice. I had some hard time but a lot of good time. My colleagues are great and kind, and also very fun. Overall, I'm quite happy with my work right now.

There's one thing that made me a little bit anxious though. One woman with who I work with has a perfume that is very very attractive. Every time I smell her scent, my heart gets tight and I can't help but feel embarassed. I told her that she had a nice perfume and tried to know what it was ( well I failed to do so, I'm no good with talking to beautiful ladies, and I'm still too embarassed to do it ). I have been thinking about it lately, trying to know why I like her scent so much, why I'm so obsessed about it, why I feel like that. I getting hot, embarassed, becoming shy and all. Well, I'm derping whenever I get close to her. 

Then it striked me just like that, while I was walking home. She has the same scent as the person with whom I had my first sexual experience. Well, not exactly the same scent, but close enough to be that powerful on me and making me look like a phoquing derpy idiot.

Well, I didn't get to talk much about my first sexual experience. It's kind of a secret night... But it's been eight years now so I'll tell you about it because phoque everything and I want to empty my thoughts and memories somewhere. 

I was 18, single, broke up a few months ago and didn't feel like going out with someone. It was on New Year's Eve and I was alone at home. Friends were on holidays and parents were working ( restaurant on New Year's Eve always busy ). So I spent most of the night on internet doing whatever, I don't remember. Then I opened MSN ( yes MSN, it's old ), and a girl started a conversation with me and said "Hey ! How are you ?". She was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. We met just once and we added each other on MSN for whatever reason it was. She was the same age as me. By that time, it must have been 9 PM or something, and we had small talk.

We were both lonely at New Year's Eve. Her boyfriend was with his family and her friends were also busy with something else. Her family was out having diner somewhere and she didn't feel like going with them. Like me, she was lonely at home. Well, she could have gone with her family if she didn't want to be lonely. But whatever, the thing is she was alone at home and me too. So I jokingly said "Come to my place and watch TV all night !" and she answered "Yes, where do you live ?". I told her where I lived and then we agreed to be good-looking with nice clothes, the hair done well and all. It was also the first time I put some perfume on me ! It made me feel good.

Then she came by subway, I got out to get her and we went to my house like casual friends having small talk about how crowded the subway and buses were. It was like 11 PM at that time. Then we arrived at my house and entered, we just threw our coat and bags on some chairs and sat on the couch watching some random TV show celebrating new year. We drank water and ate some cookies while watching TV ( no alcohol involved ). Then without realizing it, she had her head on my shoulder and was holding my arm. When I realized it, I got a bit surprised but didn't move. Well, I couldn't move because I was too shy. And I looked at her for a moment and smell her scent. I loved it, a lot. It was very arousing. I wanted smell her more, but as shy as I was, I couldn't move.

Then 12 AM came and on TV, people were happy and smiling and all. The girl just looked at me and said "Happy new year" with a little smile and kissed me on the cheek. And I replied with a small "Happy new year" and kissed her on her forehead. And then she told me she was sleepy and I jokingly said "I'm sleepy too ! Let's share my bed !" and she answered "OK". When she said OK, I stopped thinking. I just said "Let's share a bed" and she said "OK". We didn't know each other that much. She was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. We were silent for maybe ten seconds and then I replied "OK, let's go !". I turned off the TV and we went upstairs into my bedroom. 

The first thing she's done after entering my room was going straight to my bed, sat on it, removed her socks, her skirt and then just lied on the bed and went under the blanket. All that in under 30 seconds. Then she looked at me and said with a little grin "Turn the lights off and come on." and I just obeyed like a puppy and turned the lights off and joined her. Like her, I removed my socks, my jeans etc. I only had a white shirt on me and a boxer. She also only had a small black shirt on her and her panties on. 

There was only the street light in the room, but it was enough to see each other. It was a small bed, for one person only, so we were really close to each other, sharing the same pillow. I could see her face really well from there and was also overwhelmed with her scent. I wanted to get on top of her and smell her body all over, but I controlled myself. Or more like "I didn't want to look like a crazy pervert". We had small talks about how school was, what we want to do after highschool, how she met her boyfriend, why I'm single, if I'm in love with someone, if she loves her boyfriend or not. When I asked if she loved her boyfriend, she said "I don't know". We paused for a moment and continued on talking about everything and nothing. While we were talking, we were touching each other. I was caressing her hair, arms and neck. She was touching my arm and my chest. Then I said "I like your scent" and she answered "I like your scent too" and kissed me on the cheek. I kissed her on the cheek too and then very close to her lips. And she kissed me on the lips. 

We then shared a deep kiss. I don't know how long we shared that kiss but it was amazing. While doing that, we were touching our body all other. I undid her shirt and she undid mine. I tried to undo her bra, but failed to do so. She laughed a bit and she undid it herself. We threw our clothes on the ground and continue to kiss and touch each other. Her breast wasn't big, but it was very soft. I plunged my head between her breast and suck on it. She was holding my head with her two arms and was breathing deeply. Then she put her hand in my boxer and started caressing me gently, like she was scared to hurt me. 

I myself put my hand in her panties. I didn't know where to go though. She hold my hand and put it where it should be and she said "There, it's good." And we were touching each other while kissing. Then she removed her panties and I removed my boxer. We were completely naked under the blanket. We kissed and touch for awhile before I got on top of her. I looked at her and she made a small nod. I kissed her on the lips, I went between her legs and there again, I didn't know where to go. She took it in her hand and pointed it where it should be pointed and said "There". And I went there and was surprised she was a virgin too. She made a small cry and some tears were showing up. I must have made a very worried face while looking at her because she said "Continue, it's fine" and put her arms around me. 

And... it sucked. Well, the first time sucked. I got limp after a few minutes and I had to take a break. She said that everything was fine and she asked me if she could take a shower. She took a quick shower and then I took one too, thinking about how stupid I must have looked. Then, after my shower, I went to my bedroom with the lights turned off. She was waiting for me in my bed. I joined her and I was overwhelmed with her scent once again. She had put on some perfume again and was very arousing. I got hard in no time and started to touch and kiss each other again. Then I got on top of her and she showed me once again where to go. And it was far better and she seemed to enjoy it too. As I was moving on top of her, I could smell her all over. It made me very excited. Then, as I was reaching my limit ( like three minutes, literally ) I pulled it out and it went on her belly. She seemed a bit disappointed and said "I take the pills". 

After taking a bit of a break while kissing and touching each other, when I was ready, I went on top again, she showed me where to go and we went at it for a third time. I lasted a few minutes longer and it was amazing. She moaned a lot, and her hugging was getting tighter. And then I came in her. We kissed for a very long time after that and hugging each other. Then she told me "I have to go home" and I said "OK". It was 2 AM. It felt like much longer but our night didn't last that long.

We put on our clothes in silence. We then put on our coats and bags and went out for the bus stop ( buses would ride all night for New Year's Eve ). We didn't talk while walking. Just "Here" and "There" for the direction. We arrived at the bus stop and stay silenced for a few minutes before the bus arrived. It was cold and it wasn't snowing. Then the bus arrived and she said "Goodbye" and I replied with a "Goodbye" and waving a bit with my hand. She got in the bus and left like that. I walked home slowly, thinking about what we have done that night. 

Some thoughts like "I didn't have a condom", "She has a boyfriend", "Why did it happen ?", "What if she tells her boyfriend about it ?", "Will I get sick or will she get sick ?", "I wonder what her boyfriend will say if he knows it", "It was her first time too". Etc etc... I couldn't sleep in my bed that night. Her scent was all over my bed, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. 

I don't think I fell in love with her even though I kept thinking about her for a while. We saw each other a few times after that night, with friends meeting after school or at the bar the weekend. We didn't talk much though. We just said "Hi ! How are you ?" and that's it. She was always with her boyfriend when I saw her, and I couldn't have the courage to go and talk to her. I was too shy. It was way too embarassing and I was also scared to accidentaly said "I slept with her, it was amazing !". And she didn't look at me much. And as time passes, I saw her less and less. Seems like she broke up with her boyfriend at some point in time. Even on MSN, she wasn't online anymore ( well, I didn't talk to her on MSN, ever, after that night, even though she was online ).

Even though I didn't fall in love with her, I still think sometime about "What if...". What if I had told her to stay all night ? What if I had just asked her to go on a date with me ? What if I had gone and talked to her casually ? What if she was actually the love of my life and I lost her forever ?

It's been eight years now. Thinking about her makes me happy because it was really an amazing experience but it also makes me sad because I may have missed the love of my life. And having a lady with the same scent as this girl at work doesn't help at all.

Those are good and sad memories of my life and I felt like sharing with you even though it's boring. X]
  • Listening to: Kalafina
  • Reading: Ubel Blatt
  • Watching: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
  • Playing: RPG Maker games
  • Eating: Cakes
  • Drinking: Orange Juice and Water. D:
BLUE-eternal-laser Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
i feel your worry daheji.
but trust me (yes do really) do not live in the past you where not born to suffer. look forward to the future instead. god is still writing an even greatest love story for you. (yes he do really is doing this)

also. if it can raise you from sad to happy.   you can do a game out of my fiction if you want. (with all due copyright notification of course.) no cash. i am offering you this oportunity for cheap free  just in case you ran out of idea for your artistic life... or don't feel like re-doing all versionfile chapter for IOS.
zombiehunterify Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Student General Artist
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Submitted on
July 3, 2014