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Daheji's avatar
By Daheji   |   Watch
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Published: October 1, 2014
Every one or two months, my ex-girlfriend sends me a message on facebook just to talk about what happened to her. It's mostly complains and how she messed this and that and how sad she is after that. She even talked about the guy she was dating ( now ex-boyfriend ) and how unsensitive he was and stuff, never there for her. 

I keep telling myself that I should just block her on facebook and never talk to her again. I'm always kind of mad whenever she comes and talk to me like that, like nothing ever happened. I've been with this woman for several years, I even lived with her in a small apartment for a while. We were still student at the time but I was planning to propose to her after graduating and finding a steady job. I really thought she was the love of my life and I would never find a woman like her.

But it all ended after one stupid mistake. One night, she went out to a party with her friends, she got drunk. So much that she can barely remember what happened. And this one night, she met some random guy and they just had sex like that. She didn't tell me that she had sex with another guy for two or three months. Actually, she never intended to tell me.

One day, she called me and asked to go to her mom's house to talk about something very important. She was waiting for me there, her eyes all red like she just cried. We went in the living room, sat on the couch and she grabbed my hands. She then said "I have slept with another man. I'm pregnant." I didn't know how to react. Actually, I didn't react at all. Everything went blank when I heard those words. Then she said "Say something, please !". And the only thing that came out of my mouth was "Let me think about it. I'm leaving.". And I left. I couldn't look at her in the eyes. I just left while hearing her crying. 

That was the last time I have seen her. For one week, we didn't talked to each other. No call, no message, no facebook etc... Until one night where she sent me a message "Hey, what's up ?". I didn't know what to say so I just replied "Nothing. And you ?". Her reply wasn't that much different "Nothing.". And then I just sent her a short message like that "Let's break up.". I waited like ten minutes before she sent her message "Ok. Good bye" and I replied "Good bye". And I broke down. I never cried that much in my whole life. I don't even know if I cried for one hour or several hours. I had a heartbreak and lost the woman I loved the most in my life. 

I was depressive for almost a year. I didn't want to do anything. Actually, I didn't know what to do. I have been with my ex-girlfriend for so long that she was a part of me. I would spend hours and hours talking with her about everything and nothing, playing games with her, eating with her, drinking with her... Well, living with her. For almost a year, I did nothing productive. Eventually, I kept thinking about my ex-girlfriend less and less, until I had a day without even thinking about her. I surprised myself and told to myself "I'm fine now". 

But then, one day, out of nowhere, several months ago, I received a message from my ex-girlfriend on facebook. I forgot I still had her in my friends list, even though I removed everything related to her on my facebook profile. She just sent me a message saying "Hey ! How are you doing ?" And blablabla, she told about her situation, her new job, how shitty the people she is working with are, her apartment, her mom being mean etc etc... She went on and on and on... It was a really long message. 

As I was reading this, I was like "Why ? Why would you like to talk to me ?". But then I remembered that she had severe depression and suicidal issues. Even though I was mad to read her message sent to me, I still thought she might need someone to talk to, just to relieve some of her stress and maybe make her a bit less depressive, something like that. 

When she was younger, she had been beaten quite often by her father, and her big sister was a bully towards her. The two of them were making her life a living hell. Whenever she would go home, her father and her sister were waiting for her to make her suffer. Her mother was a weak woman. She never said anything even though she knew everything and even had a glimpse at what happened to my ex-girlfriend. For years, my ex-girlfriend took everything without complaining and that's what gave her those depression issues. Then it all ended when her mother had enought courage to finally flee the house with my ex-girlfriend, leaving her now ex-husband and first daughter behind. 

My ex-girlfriend then began highschool far from her father and sister. It was like a new life. She was a bit shy but she made friends and even met her first boyfriend. Unfortunately, that boy was very abusive towards her. Always ordering to do this and that. At one time, he even tried to beat her in front of everyone in highschool, screaming and calling her names and all. Fortunately, some of her classmates protected my ex-girlfriend. He was suspended and she never saw him again. Still, my ex-girlfriend was shocked and went on depression again. She was telling me she thought of killing herself everyday, and that God must have hated her for being so weak ( she is catholic ). 

Then we met with each other on an MMORPG. She was still in depression at that time, and as for me, I had just broken up with my previous girlfriend. We were in the same guild and were doing PvE and PvP together. We played together, talked together and then we realized we were living in the same city. So we met in real life. We began to see each other more and more and we eventually started to go out together. We stayed together for several years, and sometimes, it was really hard to take care of her because of her depression issues. 

She would break down for small things like forgetting her keys in her car or even having her pasta overcooked. I had to be very patient and kind at those moment, hugging her and petting her head. Well, at night, in bed, she would often have nightmares and I would have to stay awake to cuddle her until she falls asleep or until she is finished talking about everything that makes her sad. I learned about her past like that. She once told me that I was the luckiest and happiest thing that she ever had in her life, thanking me for being that man who is always her for her. Her way of saying "I love you" felt very real to me, and whenever I told her "I love you." I really meant it. But in the end, we broke up for a stupid thing, and we forgot about our feelings for each other. I heard she got an aborption and that's it.

Several months ago, she had sent me this message talking about everything and nothing. And I had replied in the same way, trying to be kind to her and giving her advice on what I know or experienced. It seems like sending me a message from time to time makes her depression more manageable. The last messages I got from her are more positive. She found a new job, and she made new friends there. She began doing sports, to give herself more confidence. She is trying new things everyday. I see this as her fighting her depression that was eating her since childhood. I'm actually quite happy for her, even though I still want her to stop sending me those message. I still can't bear the thought that she had been with another man, even though she was just drunk. It still breaks my heart when I think about it. My life would have been totally different now if this incident never happened. Even though she had all those issues, she was the perfect woman, the love of my life, but I lost her. 

Today, I'm still not sure of what to do with my life. I only know that in the near future, I want to go on a trip in Asia. And for a long time, I have been single. Now, I want a girlfriend and even a wife if I can find one, but as shy as I am, and my job in Monaco, it's quite difficult to meet new people and start a relationship. Well, for now at least. I don't intend to stay more than one year in Monaco. 

And that's about it. I just wanted to write about my ex-girlfriend a bit. I don't hate her. I truly wish she will have a life full of happiness because I know she is a wonderful woman. She is weak, she has to be taken care of, but she is kind and funny. She will always help those in need and she has the most genuine smile I've ever seen in my life. She deserves happiness.
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BLUE-eternal-laser's avatar
BLUE-eternal-laserHobbyist Photographer
women are treacherous(well, men also are actualy, but the point of my argument is:). all women that trow you away like a dirt container come back to complain afterward. my ex did that, the ex of my friend did that etc. you'll get nothing out of keeping her in your contact.

block her.
Seekiller's avatar
SeekillerHobbyist Digital Artist
Yolo! (my way of greeting since long....)

Your entry looks like a normal guy life in the world to me. People always makes big scoop from nothing and overeact because of this... and this leads to why people are crying.

I don't really quite get why you are still getting messages from her, and why you are still reading those. But if it does more good to you, then nevermind this.

My advice is that you have to look in a brighter future ( well.... that you have been doing now.). Dreams live from projects and wither from inaction.
AaronLikesBoobs's avatar
AaronLikesBoobsHobbyist Traditional Artist
sorry to hear that man.  i've been cheated on too and I never even found out till she told one of my friends after we broke up.
try to meet as many new people as possible when you go on your trip! 
aotorithebluebird's avatar
It is terrible on what happened to your ex-girlfriend and to you

You are truly a great friend, I am sure you want to help her as you had a wonderful friendship

Such friendship shows that you are an awesome person who deserves the biggest love

Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug