crookedalley

I am the last, a bite on my hand. Not safe in the water. Not safe on the land. I welcome the train as I fall to the floor. The world of Deadwalkers will soon have one m

General Information Full Name: Clyde [Last Name Unknown] Pronunciation: K-lie-d. Nickname: The Brother, The Boy, Psychopath, Spider-hair, Twitchy. Age: Unknown. Appears to be in his mid-20s. Estimated to be somewhere in his late-30s or early-40s. Gender: Male. Birthday: Unknown. Species: Augmented human. Sexuality: Pansexual. Voice/Speech: Harsh and barking. Prone to manic laughter and random yelling when excited. Appears to have almost no indoor voice. Has a slight accent that becomes more pronounced in the extremely-rare instances where he is speaking calmly. Nationality: Unknown. Was raised from age seven in an American orphanage. Language

"You should see my movie, young man." "No thanks, brah. Maybe some other time." "But it is a very good movie. Many people have seen it." "I told you, man. I'm good. Now can you please leave me alone?" Jay didn't know where this creepy guy had come from, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He looked like a zombie. Some strung-out meth head junkie, probably. Certainly not one to be interested in partaking of his psychedelic wares, so why was he bothering him like this? The creepy guy was short, maybe five foot with elevator shoes on, with stringy black hair and a gaunt and pale face. Yup. He looked just like a member of the insidious unde

{Music starts as the lights turn on, revealing a set furnished with a desk, a chair, and a fake window. The camera sways drunkenly toward the stage as the studio audience begins to cheer and applaud, the announcer chimes in.} Announcer: Live! From the same generic piece-of-shit city that we were in before, it's The Crookedalley Show! And now, the fat bastard himself, your host with the most everywhere but his pants, it's Crookedalley! *more from the audience* Crookedalley: *walks out, waving and grinning, giving high-fives, the audience finally calms down* Ignore what the announcer said, ladies and gents. Frank's just mad because he lost a

Allow me to elucidate upon who I am and what my nature entails... I am the stranger that stares hungrily at you from the dark corner of a smoky barroom. I am the rapist who taunts you with a grin from the witness stand. I am the one who always fires the first round, turning a peaceful protest into a bloodbath. I shot JFK. I assassinated Lincoln. I committed Sandy Hook, the Boston Marathon Bombings, and 9/11. I am every serial killer. Every terrorist and zealot. I am Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and Kim Jong-un. I'm the first murderer. I will probably be the last. My methods are always brutal. My goals always reprehensible. I am the v

Have you ever searched for a badass villain on deviantART only to be thrown into a homicidal rage when you discover that half of the villain's pictures are stupid fangirl bullshit that aims to make the character comedic or, even worse, accentuate their sexiness?!

   He was a great, big bastard. I remember that detail about him. He was tall, taller than any other man I had ever seen. I'd wager a guess that he was at least an even seven feet, but that makes him sound puny when I think of his prodigious height. I will say this: I was a tall woman, five-eleven, six-two with my heels on. My head reached his sternum when I wore my heels.   His bigness seemed to pervade every facet of him. His arms were the size of tree trunks, his biceps swelled with power. He had a large head and a large, open face. His eyes were wide, his mouth often open in a big grin that showed teeth like slabs of marble. His hands w

You've got an enemy. You've got an enemy. When the road looks bright ahead And you're safe and snug in your nice, warm bed. You just remember what your nemesis said: Boy, you've got an enemy. Yeah, you've got an enemy! You've got an enemy. You've got an enemy. You got troubles. And I'm glad you do. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to you. Hatred forever, yes this hate is true. Cause you've got an enemy. You've got an enemy! Now some other foes might be a little bit darker than I am. Ruthless and cunning too. Maybe. But none of them will ever hate you the way I do. It's me and you, boy. And the years go by... That hatred

I don't know if anyone is left alive to read this. If you are reading this, then that means I'm dead. My name is Robert Parker. I am 28 years old. I live alone in an apartment in New York. My parents are dead. My friends and family are dead. At least I hope they are. I hope they died quickly, and I hope they didn't turn into more of those things. When the outbreak was first reported in Florida, I thought it was a joke. Most shit like that is. "Zombies rampage through Tampa" that kind of stuff. It was only online, so I didn't take it that seriously. Then it started showing up on television. Reports of homicide, cannibalism, and rioting in th

1 Cities.  She always wondered why they tended to choose cities.   They smelled awful, the sounds were often deafening, and they were high-profile areas. The concentration of food was barely worth it, especially since they didn't need that much blood to survive. Wouldn't surviving in the countryside be far better than creeping around trash and smog-scented streets, supping on the homeless and drunk club-goers, lit by neon signs and arc-sodium street lamps, waiting for a hunter to take you out?   She now knew the reason, of course: Cities were easy to hide in. The numerous buildings provided places to escape the sunlight, and the smells

Crookedalley's Vampires: Various Rules. As some of you know, I write one or two stories that concern vampires. These bloodsuckers exist in different universes, so they're obviously not the same, but some of the rules tend to overlap. This guide should help differentiate the two as well as point out the similarities. Let's start with Vatican Knight, shall we? A brief synopsis: "Vatican Knight: The Ballad of the Church's Vampire tells the story of Irene Sokolov, a vamp of possibly Russian origin who was raised by the Catholic church to destroy her own kind in the name of God. Irene is a conflicted character, dealing with her monstrous roots