Thanks for the fav on INKTOBER14: Overgrown- Daily shearing long overdue
My mother taught me many things. The value of sporadic parental neglect, how to split pea soup cans with your grandpa’s dentures, what factory babies are manufactured in before being shipped out for mandatory military service, and of course, how to conduct high minded discourse in a public forum. But by far the most important lesson she ever taught me was personal grooming. First impressions are everything, and unless you comport yourself in the right way, people will surely form the wrong image about who you are and what you stand for. To prevent this from happening, I have always adhered to a strict regimen of excess hair bleaching, vigorously brushed nails and the periodic removal of unwanted teeth. I can honestly say that thanks to these personal grooming habits, no person has ever gotten the wrong first impression about me. And making a second impression has never really been an issue.
Thanks for the fav on INKTOBER 11: Snow - Goober, the early years
You want to hear about the Goober years, huh? That golden time, before the universe’s most mediocre investigator completed the 15 minute mandatory online certification and received his Secretary of Intergalatic Retrieval non-refundable title. Hmm, what to say… Well, there was the time he walked backwards around the entire circumference of the planet Kip. That was kind of impressive. Of course, Kip is one of the smallest planets in the universe, with a radius of about 3 feet, so is sounds more impressive than it really is. The real challenge was not falling off, so I have to hand it to him for that. There was also the time he single-handedly thwarted the widespread criminal syndicate of Girl Scout Troop 32A, but that was a bit of an accident on his part. It was during his Opium flavored Peppermint Candywheel Cookie addiction period, and in his junkie stupor he managed to cripple the Troop’s major distribution network while desperately searching for his next big fix. Still, it was a pretty impressive coincidental accomplishment for a 6 year old. And I believe his time in rehab really turned him into the man he is today.
Thanks for the fav on INKTOBER 12: Dragon - Shoulder Massager for Sale
Sure, it’s been used quite extensively, and it was the prime suspect in three murders, but none of those charges could be proven, so you have nothing to worry about. It’s also very expensive to operate, requiring no less than 11 sacrificial teenagers, a moldy corkscrew, and a box of half eaten thumbtacks, to be refuelled, daily. But can you really put a price tag on a deep tissue shoulder massage. Like, really, really deep tissue. Like, “Oh my god, I’m bleeding to death! Tell my goldfish I loved him, and please delete my browsing history” level of deep tissue manipulation. Now that is the sort of quality that you just can’t find in stores. So just indicate your interest and you’ll go in the pool with the other potential buyers. It shouldn’t be long before we’re ready to start the bidding. Until then, I recommend you keep your head above the water, and just try to ignore the bloated, floating corpses of all those that just couldn’t wait for this sale to start. Besides, we clean the pool daily, so just avoid them and you should be fine.