Two weeks have passed, and Zelsri's clothes finally arrive, much to my disappointment. A large quantity of them(explaining the great delay). I had rather begun to enjoy this free show, but, alas, not all great things are to last.
Save for her penchant for nudism, which I highly appreciate(and enjoy). At least it is more comfortable for me to be wearing pants, now.
I show her the sights around town. While walking, we meet a friend of mine.
"Osalnosor, how goes your life," Actrofin, a bemustached half-Bencorian-half-Belgos, says.
"Hello, Actrofin. I have been quite well," I say.
"Well, who is your new lady friend," he says, obviously getting a nice view of her. I would wager that he thinks not with his mind when a female is present, were it not for the fact that he does not try to lure women away from other men. Does not stop him from luring most other women he meets.
"She is Zelsri Alsoron. Zelsri, this is Actrofin Detorsofinas. Or, rather, Captain Actrofin Detorsofinas. I once outranked him, and would if reinstated, but... either way, he now leads an espionage unit," I say, hoping no one noticed my babbling, lest I give out any familial information, or information about the incident, which still causes me great emotional pain.
"I bet his 'unit' helps him with that," she responds.
"Zelsri! His father was Belgos, not Bencorian!" I say. I know Bencorians males have a literal, prehensile, retractable third leg(genetically designed for this by a damned dirty wizard), but still: Only Bencorians, giants, dragons, Shayde Dragons, and those of descent from any of these or a celestial, god, or fiend, can take a Bencorian male. Any other female or male risks fatal impalement at the least painful. Most Bencorian hybrids have a Bencorian mother for this very reason. Strangely, half-Shayde Dragons of any sort do not have this problem, though this is likely because they probably inherit their parents shapeshifting only in that respect. Otherwise, her prediction was spot-on. Damn that Flemming.
"Only messing around."
"It is alright. I get it all the time. It is part of the job. You seem like a real fox, Miss Alsoron," Actrofin says.
"Actually, more like a bear," she replies.
"You're a therianthrope, aren't you?" Actrofin says.
"Which means that you two probably met while she was hell-bent on mating with you."
"How did you figure that ou... on second thought, I do not wish to know that," I say.
"A gentleman never speaks of his sexual escapades."
"What about that time where..."
"THAT was different! Sex was only barely involved!"
"From the way you had described it to me previously, your last statement consists entirely of bovine excrement," I tell him.
"Lady is present!" Zelsri says.
"Anyways, Tostofar, Corsasin, and I are going to the pub. Would you like to come along?" Actrofin asks.
"Well..." I begin to say.
"Osalnosor, by virtue of being an Argow, chubby, and a therianthrope, I can outdrink most men," Zelsri says.
"To The Pub!" I say. Sometimes, it is impossible to elaborate excessively.
"So, Tostofar and Corsasin are, I'm guessing, handsome gentlemen like yourselves," Zelsri says, to which I nod. "I wonder what their tastes in women are."
Actrofin and I laugh heartily; then, heavily; followed by hysterically.
"Neither of them have any sexual interest in women. They are quite homosexual. They are, however, most certainly neither effiminate in appearance nor mannerisms, though they can sometimes say things that might be taken that way; however, they mean it in a totally opposite way," I say. "They are two of the manliest guys I know. We go hunting and fishing together. Hell, I'm the one my dad will call 'Nancy Boy'!"
"Are they the kind of men who can be bare-knuckle boxing one hour, then having fantastic sex the very next?" Zelsri asks.
Actrofin and I are flabbergasted, but not because of the comment itself, but its timing.
"That is a fairly accurate statement," Tostofar and Corsasin, who have just walked up, say.
"Well, you pair certainly know the processes of..." I say.
Corsasin interupts with "Insertion? Penetration? Invasion? Miscellanious witty double or triple entendre about sex?"
"Actually, that was precisely what I was trying to avoid, but it was a fools' errand."
"It is alright. It happens all the time," Tostofar says.
"I know. I've been there when it has."
"So, how have you been, Osalnosor? Haven't seen you for nearly two weeks," Corsasin says.
"Who is your lady companion?" Tostofar asks.
"She is Zelsri Alsoran. Zelsri, this is Tostofar Zentrestral and Corsasin Betrasonotoral, two of the manliest men I know, but also 'two of the nicest damn guys you'll ever meet', as my father would say."
"Obviously, you know of our sexual orientations. What is yours, Miss Alsoron?" Tostofar asks, in the most oddly polite way you could ask that. Let us hope that she can withhold her anger at this. Or at least prevent the inherent discomfort not lead to that.
"I'm actually bisexual," she says(Déjà vu... I have been made aware of this with another woman before... er... other women. Whom know each other... and are both attracted to me... I think Actrofin and I have some sort of ongoing bet of a related nature, but how it was related I cannot currently remember.) "Does not mean I am attracted to everyone I meet. I prefer manly men and... large-breasted women." I feel a strange sense of glee(we share tastes in women... and I am obviously of her taste in men... which just emphasizes the Déjà vu ever so much... and I doubt this will be the last time.) underneath the heavy overtones of seriousness and anguish... which, for whatever strange reason, is present."Where do people get the idea that bisexuals are attracted to everyone?" The glee vanishes.
Tostofar answers with:"I know. Everyone assumes Corsasin and I are promiscuous men. Frankly, it is downright hilarious, their logic:'if all homosexuals of the same gender are all of the same gender, and all heterosexuals are fidel, then all homosexuals must be promiscuous'. Every bit of that logic is fallacious except for the first one. There has to be a name for this."
"Fallacious will suffice." Her discomfort with the subject altogether, which must be a bit painful memory, has risen to anger a bit. Though the conversation, of course, alleviated some of it, the alleviation was hindered by her being a therianthrope. "Now... Why the hell did you ask me?"
"I was merely curious. Your legs are apart when you and Osalnosor converse, one of those subtle, unwitting, physical signs of attraction."
"What does that have to do with my..." she gets out before beginning to shift into hybrid form. Therianthropes, usually, have control of these shifts, but anger, and anger alone, can force one at inconvenient instances. Like that cousin of mine who is a werewolf... in front me(she is a beautiful but troubled woman... sure, use that subtext as such, but, in our culture, it is not uncommon, nor is it in yours. It makes very little(id est no statistically significant) difference genetically. The masses are easily manipulated and fooled, but not necessarily morons. Some are morons, though, but that could just as easily apply to the upper class.)
She is in her hybrid form and lets out a roar.
"Oh, shit, pardon my profanity," I say. "I've fought her in a sexually driven animal form, but there was no clear victor. This is terrifying, but I've fought sharks with my bare hands alone. The problem is not killing her."
Corsasin inputs, "I have an idea but it involves you in your knickers and an exorborant amount of grease or oil."
"It is a good plan, as she would like seeing me covered in oil, but we do not have time for that. I am going to have to use my tranquilizer gun. No, wait. I make a small mistake and she will be unfazed, or, in the other direction, dead. If she is stuck in bear form, she could overheat." Corsasin's plan would probably work.
Actrofin says, "Don't you have a spell, a gadget, or something for this sort of situation? You are usually prepared for all sorts of ridiculous situations."
"Yes, of course I do. However, I do not carry it on me at all times. I am not spending every night and day with my cousin right now," I say. I subscribe to the school of B. Wayne: it does not hurt to be prepared for anything and everything.
"No matter how much you want to," he says.
Tostofar notes: "Had I known that it was a point of contention for her, I would never have mentioned anything."
I respond with: "Nonsense, you made an excellent point."
I run up to Zelsri.
"Mademoiselle Alsoron! Do you want to end up hurting someone? Please calm down!" Hopefully, my voice will have the same affect on her as M. Freeman's would.
She roars at me
directly in my face. It hurts my ears. She sniffs me. Then, she licks me
a big, sloppy kiss
This suit is going to the dry cleaners'.
"There. Is that better? Now, why are you so angry, Zelsri?"
She answers, still in her hybrid form, "I know: I shouldn't be angry. It's just such a touchy subject with me. I used to be so ridiculed because of this."
"Listen. I'll converse with you about this later. You just destroyed an expensive set of clothes. You are unclad
but, this time, in public."
"So I am. I probably need to stay in this form. Not because I care about anyone seeing me nude, but because I don't want to get fined for indecent exposure." I see nothing indecent with her nude body.
"Tostofar, I think the pub idea is right out," I say.
Corsasin retorts with, "Well, they are getting plenty of free publicity from this. How many bars can say that they have had a large, arse-bare werebear here?"
I notice a man hanging up a banner that says exactly that.
"Thanks for the advertisement. Next time you guys are here, all of your drinks are on the house!" he says. I am wondering how he managed to make that banner so quickly.
Zelsri and I return to my home.
Zelsri tells me, "I am sorry about the outrage. I need to get better control of myself."
"It is alright. I am not holding that against you. It would definitely have been worse if you were drunk. I have a beautiful cousin who is a werewolf, so I am aware of how to deal with this sort of thing," I say.
"This is true. Glad you are so understanding. I would like to meet this cousin at some point, and ask her how she deals with this."
"Ah, now that brings me to my next question: What is your family like?"
"Well, I have not seen my parents in years. I have thirty-eight younger siblings that I am aware of. I am of a set of quadruplets. Two of them are fraternal to me, and the third is identical. I am the oldest and shortest, while the youngest is the tallest. I was separated from them two weeks ago when I was
"Yes, I know. You must have been very close to those three."
"Yes. We left home. We ended up in that forest you found me-or, rather, I found you- in. I found you, and the rest is libido."
"Would you like for me to find them?" I ask. Although, given that bears and Argow both have impeccable senses of smell(both better than that of a bloodhound), it won't be long before they find us.
"That would be nice," she says, before kissing me on the cheek.
My doorbell rings. It must be her sisters.
"ZELSRI!!!" Three Argow women shout at my door.
I open my front door.
"You must be her sisters," I say.
The shortest of the three, who is a slight fraction taller than Zelsri and is of the same body type(meaning she is her identical twin), says "Who are you?"
"I am Sir Osalnosor Toselfin."
The tallest(whose nose is similar to Zelsri's but who has heterochromia(id est her eyes are of different colors), and who is not chubby, but has the Argow hips(all Argow women have wider hips than most races except for Bencorian women, due to their propensity for multiple births.), a large bust(must be genetic), buttocks, and a set of legs to whistle at
all in an adorable sort of way) says "The opera singer and actor who speaks in long words? The one whom I am a fan of?" Ah
So she is a fan-girl of mine
ascended, now, I guess.
"Indubitably, I am the same man. I can sing and battle and pontificate ad nauseum," I say.
"Our sister is sleeping with a nobleman and actor?" the third sister, who is also well-breasted, but is the most muscular (but not excessively so) in a sexy sort of way and has the most attractive set of legs, says.
"We have not shared sexually comforting interactions. Although we did meet while she was hell-bent on mating with me."
"OSALNOSOR!" Zelsri yells.
Her sisters nearly trample me over to get to her.
"I am glad to see you three, but, as you can see, I am nude!" she says.
Her sisters look at me. At first, I assume that they are preparing to ensure that I do not have any more offspring.
"Did she transform by accident, again?" The identical twin asks?
"Yes, and may we get introductions out of the way. The confusion is making me insane
moreso than I currently am." I could be called "lovably mad" or "simply eccentric".
"Of course. I am Colsni. I'm slightly taller than Zelsri," the identical says.
"I am Resvini. I am the youngest; Zelsri is the oldest. Even so, I am the tallest; Zelsri, is the shortest," the tallest says. "I am a fan of yours."
"I am Evsini," the third says.
Zelsri says, "She is wild. She is not promiscuous, but she is a flirt. And, yes, being well-breasted is a family trait." Okay, so I might take the Belgos love of large breasts to a bit of an extreme, but
actually, I don't mind knowing that.
"I was not thinking about thatuntil you pointed that out to me," I fib. "Not all men are perverts," I say, being truthful. "I was wondering if I could paint the four of you."
Resvini says, "I think it's a wonderful idea. I knew you had an interest in painting, and have wanted you to paint me for a while. It is a dream come true." Okay
creepy yet cute. Of course, she probably is not the only person in the world who feels this way about me. It comes with being a celebrity.
Evsini says, "I think it is a wonderful idea. I have always wanted to be painted."
Colsni says, "I do not mind standing nude for a painting alongside my sisters. We are a tightly-knit group."
I blush. "I did not once mention nudity. Why, whenever I mention painting someone, do they always assume it to be a nude painting? It is not necessary."
Zelsri, off-topic and out of left-field, whispers into my ear, "By the way, while we may not act or look the same, we all share the same tastes in men." Well
is that not the most unlikely good news I have ever heard?
"Why do you mention this? Now, I'm Worried that all four of you will be hell-bent on mating with me!"
Four female Argow Werebears. All ovulating. All with the same tastes in men. All sisters. I am their preferment. This is dangerous, and I live vigorously
double entendre somewhat intended.