Undertale Off the Rails: Evil Berdly!

What if Berdly never grew up? What if Kris, Susie and co never snapped the stuck up little blue bird out his issues? Well, this is it, filtered through my own demented imagination and his own words.

…

Hello newbs! Berdly here. CEO, innovator, entrepreneur, billionaire, epic gamer, but you already knew that! I’ve been making a stir since we monsters ascended. Some call me a visionary. Resentful liars call me a philandering oligarch. Poppycock, I say! Here’s the real, epic, unfiltered truth, straight from the bluebird’s beak.

I was quite the big deal in the Underground. Ever heard of Undernet? You’re welcome! Maybe I borrowed a few lines of code from Gaster. But it was my vision, no, my genius, no, my certified badassery that had the vision to put it all together into one solid, rock-hard digital empire, and for that I got my well-deserved mountain of gold.

Oh, there were obstacles. That old prude Toriel turned her nose up at me, called me a plagiarist, branded my innovation in the field of AI as reckless and short-sighted. Ah, genius is never appreciated in its time.

Good knew was those dipshit kids of hers got themselves killed. Whole Underground was in an uproar, outraged, and nothing sells like outrage! Oh, the rumours I had zipping about the Undernet. Did a human steal your Nice Cream? Genital warts, Homo Sapiens plot? Oh, Asgore might have regretted his oath, but I had New Home too riled up for him to back down. Stuffy old goat Mama goat stormed off, and it was time for this bird to fly!

Asgore has his hang-ups (What’s the guy got against a 166-hour work week anyway?) but as long as my work didn’t hurt anyone (Directly) I had the keys to the castle. See, I had more cash than even the King and his DT experiments; they really needed the moolah.

So, quid pro quo, I sweetened old Fuzzybuns into throwing off regulations on my research, no rules on AI research, no pesky New Home bureaucrats poking their nose into my vision. Asgore trusted me to do the right thing. So trusting, so naïve.

I had my vision: a surface cleared of humans, smart cities in the Sahara, shopping malls in Greenland. It could have been great. Then the little turd in the stripy jumper ruined everything! Overnight, the King says killing humans is a no no, we’re not taking the surface. We can’t let the past chain our future. He told me. This is scary, but please, it’s time to face tomorrow with an open heart, make friends, not foes. And while I hate to admit it, I’ve made a lot of pals up here.

Peter Thiel, Bill Gates, Steve Bannon, Jeff Bezos, the surface is great! Oh, and Elon. I found him sobbing on my couch after a house party. Something about Donald dumping him. Guy was a wreck, so I took pity on him. He gave me Tesla, X, his fortune and government contacts; I let him slum on the sofa. I merged X and Undernet into a mighty whole: BerdboX! The pinnacle of online digital epicness!

He’s a good goffer, but got nothing on Burgerpants. Dumb cat came to me, asking for what Mettaton had, and being the magnanimous soul I am, I obliged. The process had a couple of side effects I neglected to mention: nausea, itching, and the total loss of his free will, but hey, always read the fine print, right?

AGE: 45

HOBBIES: Child Neglect, crypto farming, office pong, cheating on Noelle, epic gaming (Allegedly), Lounging on Peter Thiel's private yacht doing ketamine with Romanian Underwear models, Troll Framing, watching Zack Snyder flick in the nude. Bullying/plagiarizing Alphys

FAVOURITE FILMS TO MISS THE POINT OF: American Psycho, Steve Jobs

NUMBER OF CHILDREN: 33

NUMBER OF CHILDREN HE ACTUALLY PARENTS: 0

FAVOURITE OFFSPRING: Noelle 32, Berdly 2.0 Beta

** Sells bootlegs of Alphys’s Mettaton design to the CIA and dictatorship, but since he’s not smart enough to totally reprogram them, they usually break into showtunes before killing anyone.

** Married his version of Noelle, relationship a wreck after he cheated on her with Muffet, Onionsan and Peter Thiel.

** Uses Temmies as scapegoats to deflect anti monster sentiment from himself, much to Asgore and Toriel’s disgust.

** Claims to be an epic gamer. Then he did a Minecraft livestream on BerdboX and died in the opening menu.

** I wasn’t sure whether to include the version with Burgerpants or Musk acting as his stooge, so I tossed in both. Which do you guys prefer?

** This was inspired partly by Toby Fox's Undertale 10th Anniversary stream where an extra scene has Gerson implies that Monster history was doctored to make human look worse in the human monster war. Asgore's too honest and laidback to be that Machiavellian, so I wondered who would. But mostly I wanted to talk shit about tech bros.

** I was actually sober when I drew this.