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Cotaku

I need a catch phrase.
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This month turned out to be soooo busy, what with me getting a job at Herberger's and these research reports that I should be doing. I've barely had time for anything else (which makes me feel a little bad since I'm part of a GFX team that does requests on another forum and it just got a lot of requests all of a sudden and I haven't been able to pick any up so...)

I don't know if this is how it is for everybody with a job and schooling or if I'm just bad at managing my time, but hopefully I'll be able to actually do some more pieces in November.

But for now I really have to get to work on these research projects.

BY THE WAY... If anybody (over 18) is willing to take a survey to help me out, I would really really REALLY appreciate it. I need as many people as possible because I don't have a lot of time and my family is very small.

Hope you guys had a happy Halloween! Let's hope that the Christmas music isn't too far off.
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Y'know... it just seems like lately my mom has become exceedingly less reliable as a source of advice. She's been this anchor to me throughout my entire life; always giving me a hand with the hard stuff and advice when I came to her in tears. Lately that's just not been the case.

This all started at the beginning of the summer. Mom and Dad were having some major relationship problems and I was at my sister's most of the time because I babysat for her and she was my escape from all of the fighting.

As you can imagine, I've had a rough summer vacation and have some more anxiety issues than before. However, my biggest concern at the moment is this whole job thing. I had a job at Subway for all of two weeks and then my anxiety attacks caused me to withdraw from that job. (I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out to work at such a fast pace like that.) And now I'm on the hunt for another one right away. Well, I'm not so much as my parents are. It's almost as if they are obsessed with finding me a job. And I'm not sure if they know just how scared I am. After the whole Subway fiasco, I'm practically mortified and all they can think about is looking through the ads and telling me where I should go apply. I feel like I'm not living up to their standards; that I might be letting them down, in a way.

Well, I've gotten offtrack a bit, but now a big chunk of the background story is known. Anyway, lately when I go to my mom for advice she always says the same thing, every time:
"I don't know what to tell you."
And to be honest, that's the scariest thing you could tell me right now.

I don't need more doubt and unknowns; I have more than enough. I'm more than aware that nobody knows everything and that solutions to problems don't come easily. However, a solution to my problems aren't an absolute necessity. Sure they'd be nice, but I think all I need is for someone to hug me and tell me that things will work out somehow. Because it's really hard to believe it when I'm the only one telling myself that.

Sorry for the length and depression in this one. I just needed to vent a bit.
Thanks for reading, though, if you got all the way through.
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Belated Update

2 min read
It's been awhile since I've even looked at my journal. Oops. XD
Well, things have definitely gotten better. We're all living together again. My mom gave my dad one more chance and he's gotten exceedingly more tolerable. I do feel a bit awkward from time to time, but that's okay because there is a normal again. :)

I've been drawing more, lately. My friend gave my tablet back to me so I'm re-practicing with it and I feel a lot better about it than when I first got it. I feel like my skills have gotten at least a little better. Even if I am dealing with chibi drawings most of the time. Well, practice makes perfect.

Though, I don't know how much practice I'll be getting from now on. College starts next week for me and I have no clue how busy I'll be since this will be my first semester. However, I'm in high hopes since I see a lot of other college students who are active on DA. Hopefully those high hopes won't be crushed later on. Well, I'll try anyway.

And that's really it. A bunch of small stuff... broke up with my boyfriend, not a big deal; applied for a job at Target, still hoping I get a call; babysitting job over, it was a great summer job since I got paid for having a fun time. Pretty much all of that kind of stuff.

Well, keep a lookout for more chibis. (That is, assuming I keep doing chibis.)
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My mom and dad are getting a divorce.
They just told my brother and me. Somehow I knew this would happen but I refused to believe it. And now I just can't stop crying.

I'm not angry at Mom. I know she's not happy trying to put up with Dad. On the other hand, I'm pissed at my dad. He never forgave her for leaving for those couple of weeks to figure out what she wanted in life, even though he swore he did. Both Mom and I knew he didn't, though. So ever since she left, he's been acting like he's changed for the better. Apparently he thinks that "the better" means just doing a couple more house chores and not changing his attitude at all. So yeah. He's been pissy all this time toward Mom. And since I've made it pretty apparent that I haven't appreciated his attitude and that I'm "siding" with Mom, I'm sure he's going to start acting pissy toward me.

Honestly, I'm still angry at him for coming in here and starting to blame Mom for all of this. I told him that he wasn't helping when he started making sarcastic remarks and he just told me that he was telling my brother and me what was going on calmly. Then he stormed upstairs grabbed his stuff and slammed the door as he went outside.

I know everything's going to be "settled" eventually. There will eventually be a normal again. But right now I'm just having a really hard time. And I'm really worried about my younger brother. He never shows his emotions about this stuff. He'd rather keep this stuff to himself and when somebody tries to bring it up he just says that he'd rather not talk about it. We ask him if he's fine and he'll just nod and go back to whatever he was doing. I know I'll be alright eventually. I'll go to college when the fall comes around and I'll try to make some friends. I don't know where I'll be living, but I know I'll be with my mom. However, I have no idea what's going on through my brother's head right now. I just really hope that he's genuinely fine.

I must say, though. I'm a bit jealous of my older sister. She grew up, moved out, got married and she didn't hit a single snag as big as this while she did it. It's just a joke, though. I love my older sister more than almost anything, especially when these kind of things happens. She's always there for me and I know it will be the same this time.

Well, that's all I can really say right now. The rest of this summer will be tough and will probably be the worst summer of my life; but I'll be okay in the end. If you read this whole thing, thanks for putting up with my venting.
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Today I attended the Orientation/Registration Day at the local college I plan on attending next fall. All went smoothly and I had a lot of fun!

I talked to this one girl who had an FMA keychain on her purse and she seemed so nice and fun. I was surprised to see somebody in the area that actually likes anime and manga. Actually, I later found out that there's an anime and manga club at the college. I'm not sure if I'll be able to participate in that since I want to focus on the classes I'm in because... well... y'know. It's my first time taking classes at a college and I don't know what to really expect. I wish I could join and meet some new people with whom I share a common interest so I wouldn't feel so isolated from others, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the classes are like.

I'm registered for 5 classes that make up 13 credits for the fall semester. This is so exciting! I must sound a bit weird saying that since all I ever hear about college is that it's tough, exhausting, and boring. Those people haven't gone to CTHS. My high school doesn't have ANY options! All one gets is basically math, english, science, keyboarding, art, band, choir, or Spanish. That's pretty much it. I'm so excited to be getting an opportunity to take some more interesting classes!
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