'I Don't Know What to Tell You.'

3 min read

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Y'know... it just seems like lately my mom has become exceedingly less reliable as a source of advice. She's been this anchor to me throughout my entire life; always giving me a hand with the hard stuff and advice when I came to her in tears. Lately that's just not been the case.

This all started at the beginning of the summer. Mom and Dad were having some major relationship problems and I was at my sister's most of the time because I babysat for her and she was my escape from all of the fighting.

As you can imagine, I've had a rough summer vacation and have some more anxiety issues than before. However, my biggest concern at the moment is this whole job thing. I had a job at Subway for all of two weeks and then my anxiety attacks caused me to withdraw from that job. (I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out to work at such a fast pace like that.) And now I'm on the hunt for another one right away. Well, I'm not so much as my parents are. It's almost as if they are obsessed with finding me a job. And I'm not sure if they know just how scared I am. After the whole Subway fiasco, I'm practically mortified and all they can think about is looking through the ads and telling me where I should go apply. I feel like I'm not living up to their standards; that I might be letting them down, in a way.

Well, I've gotten offtrack a bit, but now a big chunk of the background story is known. Anyway, lately when I go to my mom for advice she always says the same thing, every time:
"I don't know what to tell you."
And to be honest, that's the scariest thing you could tell me right now.

I don't need more doubt and unknowns; I have more than enough. I'm more than aware that nobody knows everything and that solutions to problems don't come easily. However, a solution to my problems aren't an absolute necessity. Sure they'd be nice, but I think all I need is for someone to hug me and tell me that things will work out somehow. Because it's really hard to believe it when I'm the only one telling myself that.

Sorry for the length and depression in this one. I just needed to vent a bit.
Thanks for reading, though, if you got all the way through.
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