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Genetic testing came back on the cheek swabs my GP took a couple of weeks ago. Didn't really provide any serious revelations except to confirm what I pretty much knew ten years ago - that Paxil didn't work for me. So...back to the medication roulette wheel once again... Frankly, I'd rather die than gain anymore weight...

Sleep doctor's light therapy regimen has me fucked up a bit. I can't begin to imagine how many times I've forgotten to take my meds because his instructions have my internal clock fuckered up six ways from Sunday...

And if the next forty years are going to be more of the same in regard to the last twenty years...I don't really want the next forty years. I may be, as my therapist says, a 'survivor', but that's not good enough. If I can't find a way to live then I really don't want this life...
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April 6
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