Script for The End of FiM As We Know It

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By CorpulentBrony   |   Watch
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Published: October 28, 2016
we met under a nightmare moon, as the mysterious mare in the moon descended to earth. we all became friends and saved the day from eternal night, reuniting our princess with her long lost sister.  together with twilight sparkle, mother faust showed us that, as corny as it may sound, friendship might actually be magical.

and that magic culminated in the best night ever, where we realized that the best laid plans of mice and ponies often go awry, but sometimes for the best.  as long as we're together.

we met again to save equestria from the wiles of a chaotic demon.  though at first discouraged, we witness Twilight inspiring her friends to hope again, thus bringing about a return of harmony.

we then gathered with a reluctant Twilight to witness the wedding of her (unbeknownst to us) brother with the literal princess of love.  of course, this canterlot wedding was a sham, and though Twilight and her friends fought courageously to fend off the evil changelings, in the end it was only the love of her brother and new sister-in-law that could defeat an enemy that had stymied even princess celestia.

we met again in the fabled crystal empire, and together twilight and her friends once more defeated the evil crystalline magic of dread king sombra, saving an ancient and hidden empire

then twilight opened a magical pandora's box, unleashing a spell changing the very natures of her friends.  somehow she developed a magical mystery cure, and in so doing realized her potential and, to everypony's surprise, became an alicorn.  we all gathered in canterlot to celebrate, and nary an eye was dry as the memetastic wings/no wings debate began in earnest.

after a lengthy absence, our new princess returned, as princess twilight sparkle, and found herself in command of equestria far sooner than she had ever hoped, as the royal sisters went missing.  together with the help of her stalwart friends, twilight was able to find and free her winged mentors.

an oversight from a long time ago unleashed an evil red and black centaur upon the innocent ponies of equestria, hell bent on embiggening himself by sucking every last drop of magic from everypony.  twilight, entrusted with the power of the other three princesses, faced tirek head on in a magic duel few of us will soon forget.  he was ultimately vanquished when she realized that nothing, not even all the magic of equestria, was worth losing her friends.  thus arised twilight's kingdom.

and with it, a castle with a mysterious cutie map, directing our ponies to a town on the furthest reaches of equestria, where a communist dictator is intent on enforcing equality by removing what makes each pony unique and different.  once again, our heroines defeat the monster and restore the townsponies to their former butt marked glory.

then, an oddity develops.  with relatively little help from her friends, we witness twilight sparkle taking on the former dictator unicorn, intent upon revenge by making the fabric of time itself her plaything.  while her magic does not avail her, ultimately twilight is able to convince the misguided temporal czarina that what she is doing will not make her happy.

now we stumble upon our friends welcoming a new member of their group, this same unicorn with a lust for control and revenge.  together they journey to the crystal empire for some ancient tribal rite of child sacrifice called a crystalling, and this new "friend", this starlight glimmer, ultimately is able to bring together the resources to help twilight save the day.

finally, and most recently, we rejoin our friends for another adventure, where we'll all save the world, together we'll overco-  oh wait, what's this?  

while i don't deny the season six finale of my little pony: friendship was magic was a pretty decent episode, I don't think anyone else can deny that this finale has bucked the trend of every other premiere or finale before it, which have all focused on Twilight Sparkle and her five best friends we've all fell in love with over the last six years, either saving equestria or saving a town or just helping each other try to have a good time.  instead, this finale was the first episode since the memetastic number 100 to revolve around background characters.  our six loyal mares are literally ornaments in chrysalis's throne room, doing nothing at all except hanging around.  we must rely on the leadership of starlight glimmer (if she isn't busy mind raping anypony), the inventiveness of trixie (if she isn't busy stroking her own ego), the wit of discord (if he's not busy whining), and the fearlessness of some new changeling character (if he's not too busy sulking in the corner).  surely you can't be serious?  (don't call me surely.)

i've been asked a few times about my thoughts on the finale, but i don't want to say much more than i already have, because i know i'll sound whinier than discord.  yes, i liked it as an episode of some generic pony cartoon show.  but i hated what it did to the mane six, i detested their exclusion from any significant role in the story.  this used to be their show, but, as i predicted in my first video on season six, it has unarguably now become the starlight glimmer show.  this is the end, beautiful friend.  this is the end, my only friend, the end of our elaborate plans, the end of everything that stands, the end.  no safety or surprise, the end...i'll never look into her eyes, again.

to me, this finale was a fitting cap to the end of a very lackluster season.  though I don't have my ear to the ground online in the fandom as I once did, i am aware of the recent drama that erupted over people airing criticism of season six.  even sethisto published a rambling treatise attempting to ask if we're being too analytical or if the show really has degraded in quality.  i seriously can't see how any sane and even-keeled person can witness this season and not see it as being far below the quality of former seasons.  and the reason, from what I can surmise, is quite simply one of passion.  a lot of the old writers have left the show, greats like larson, amy keating rogers, megan mccarthy.  even promising new writers, like gm berrow, who is very passionate about pony, had not a single episode in this season (are you still a show writer gm?)  this new crop of writers just doesn't seem to evince the same type of passion as we're used to.  their lack of intimate knowledge of the characters is evident in their stories.  add to this the apparent crippling editing of josh haber this season, and surely you must see what i'm seeing, right?

"but haber's got what ponyfans crave, he's got electrolytes!"
"what are electrolytes, do you even know?"
"it's...what haber uses to edit his scripts."
"but why does haber use them to edit his scripts?"
"cuz haber's got electrolytes."

but this criticism has apparently driven the show director, jim miller, to quit his twitter account in an obscenity laden tirade, telling bronies to go fuck themselves while declaring it's a show for little girls.  ignoring the absurdity of this when contrasted to what faust has always said, one must then ask themself if the show is aimed at little girls, and the director has a twitter account he uses to interact with these fans, and he then tells people to fuck off, perhaps this is the type of language one would use towards little girls, so maybe we can lighten up the language restrictions on my little pony?  

but i don't want to be a negative nancy when it comes to my positive ponies, so i should really just shut up here.  i still love the characters, and i hold out hope that next season will see a change in writing (with the departure of haber, my dreams may not in fact be mere memes).  so here's to a fun but short hiatus, full of whatever it is you guys do when you aren't watching ponies.  me?  i'll be re-watching old ponies to relive those glory days of pony past.
I didn't spend much time formatting or making this look good, but here's the script in case anyone is terribly bored and wants to see it.  You can watch the video here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo4b1P…
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