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THE SHOW’S OVER, GO HOME FOLKS!


       Well, the premiere of season 6 just aired.  That was...a thing.  I took new show editor Josh Haber’s advice and went into it with low expectations, and...still was disappointed.  Alright, I don’t want to shit on the show that I really do love so much, so let me begin with the positive.


       With the return of Starlight Glimmer as Twilight Sparkle’s new pupil, the show is actually turning a new corner.  The show feels significantly different.  Perhaps this is a good thing, as new life and possibilities are brought into the mix.  Oh Celestia who am I kidding, my waifu is being replaced by the flavor of the week.  More than half of the episode focused on “Glim Glam,” making this the first premiere or finale that focused on a specific character that wasn’t Twilight Sparkle.  


       To add insult to injury, not only is it a Starlight Glimmer episode, but Spike plays a predominant supporting role as Starlight’s number one assistant.  This is exactly what every brony wants, more Spike, less Twilight.  I think Slashy’s demands finally got through to someone at Hasbro.


       Twilight had some good moments, even as she was being pushed to the background.  I heard a few complaints that the whole making lists thing is getting old, but that shit’s been a part of her character since season 1, and it ain’t gonna change anytime soon.  I think it’s adorable as hell, tbh fam.  


       With the birth of a new baby in the Crystal Empire comes a Christenin- oops, I mean Crystalling.  So Aunt Twiley and her cohorts hop aboard a train to meet the new baby, and we’re treated to at least a minute long of exposition explaining in complex detail...what was already explained.  


       Besides this being a Starlight Glimmer episode, the other thing that sticks in my craw is this ridiculous dialog about the new baby:


  • RARITY: Buy I thought Alicorn wings had to be earned by accomplishing some great, princess-worthy deed!
  • APPLEJACK: Yeah.  How can you just be born with ‘em?
  • CELESTIA: The birth of an Alicorn is something Equestria has never seen!
  • LUNA: It is beyond even our understanding.


       And here we see the other major change this season.  With the departure of show greats such as Meghan McCarthy, Jayson Thiessen, Amy Keating Rogers,, and Mitch A Larson, peace be upon them, we are left with the brilliance of Josh Haber, a man who denied the existence even of the show bible which as recently as BronyCon 2015 was acknowledged by both Rogers and Larson.  In other words, a guy who gives absolutely zero fucks as to the storyline and continuity.


       That’s right folks, with these few lines of dialog, we witness Haber taking the heretofore established show canon and history and trampling it under-foot as if it were some unwanted alicorn baby monstrosity.  For, you see, Amy Keating Rogers, in collaboration with Mother Faust, peace be upon them, wrote the wonderful tome Journal of the Two Sisters, within which is written fairly clearly that both Celestia and Luna were born as alicorns and raised as alicorns.  This, of course, ignores Rarity’s line about Alicorn wings being earned, as this doesn’t even apply to Cadance who was born...a pegasus.  She didn’t earn Alicorn wings, she earned a blimey Alicorn horn!  WHAT ARE THESE PONIES EVEN GOING ON ABOUT????


       Whew, anyway, I enjoyed Starburst, or Sunburst, or whatever.  I think there’s opportunity here to explore his past, what exactly happened to him at Celestia’s school.  Also, his talent is actually quite a good one.  How often have we seen Twilight searching around for just the right spell?  With his ability to remember this shit, she could truly be a hell of a lot more powerful.
Oh wait, the show is centered on Starlight Glimmer now.  Nevermind.


       A highlight in this gloomy, crystalline chapter of horse was the return of Twilight’s parents and them actually finally having voices!  It was pretty nice to hear what they’d sound like finally, and the familial side of this baby was able to touch my cold, scarred heart a bit, for just a moment.  I still think they would’ve been better off doing the humane thing, leaving the baby out in the snow, you know, like on Game of Thrones.


       One more item worth mentioning, before I finish this tirade, was the little hidden changeling in the final scene.  Was this just some animator prank or could it be a sign of things to come?  A friend pointed out to me that in ancient folklore changelings were often portrayed as creatures that abducted a baby and then took its place, feeding off the love if its parents.  So is it possible this wayward changeling could be a sign that Princess McFlurry may be facing some imminent danger from a vengeful Queen?  Eh, I have no idea, whatever.


       SO, this is my first analysis video in like, I don’t know, a ton of months.  Where have I been?  What have I been up to?  I haven’t actually been sitting around playing video games or anything of the sort.  I’ve actually taken up coding a web site, a pony themed web site no less.  I’m not quite ready to announce it, but I’m having a lot of fun getting back into this shit, and hopefully the site will be something at least a few people will find useful.  So, contrary to popular reports, I’m not yet leaving the fandom.  I’ll at least make it through season 6, and hope to hell things get better.  I love the pony show too much to ever leave.


       What did all of you think about this opener?  What are your thoughts or predictions concerning season 6 and the future of pony?  Please let me know in the comment section below, I love reading what all of you have to say.  Also, remember to like this video if you thought it was any good, and subscribe if you want to see more shitty content like this!  I promise you, I will disappoint.


       Now, where did my Twilight Sparkle plushie go? Nopony could replace you Twiley, there there, shhh, shhh.  You’re my little pony.  Yes you are.

The script for my video on the season premiere of MLP: www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1ny5u…
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March 27, 2016
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