Haven't done a TIMH for a long time. Meant to do some, didn't motivate myself enough. But things happening recently causing me to want to vent a little and share my take on a situation in addition to asking for some advice. I've gotten advice from a couple people, and I appreciate it.
Given the fact that I WRITE
these TIMH journals, it's evident that I have a very philosophical, analytical, and maybe psychologist-like mind. It can be a very great thing. I love typing, I love sharing my thoughts, I love helping friends of mine and give advice, and listen to what they are going through (well, I don't like THAT they are going through things but, I like being HERE for them). I write a lot, I am descriptive, I'd rather say too much then too little.
Without going too much into specifics, I feel as if this is becoming a huge problem despite having a "big mind" being a relatively good thing. I've made a lot of great new friends that I love hanging out with on Steam, TF2 to be specific, but also on Minecraft and recently Terraria. In addition, the TF2 community that I have made a lot of these friends on, I am active in, and I enforce rules and report players breaking major ones (for the most part) to show my activeness and willing-ness to contribute to the community on a higher level to help out more efficiently, and I have fun on the server I play in, and I've been known to be someone people can count on to come and record a rule breaker when an admin isn't on to handle the situation. I try to report whoever I can simply because I don't want to be bias, I can't be at all if I were an admin or something. So my friends and companions sometimes message me saying that someone is doing something, and I normally hop on to see whats going on.
After having some really good times just casually playing with a couple people from the server, and moving to a place on discord with people from the server, we've been playing Terraria and having fun.
But my apologetic nature (out of politeness), I've noticed is becoming annoying, and I fully see what I am doing wrong in that regards. That being said, so much of what I do recently is being criticized and I feel controlled and nitpicked. For me, it's hard to tell what is and isn't joking. In terms of me loving to type my thoughts out, this is another thing that has clearly annoyed a couple people, one of which I don't want to lose as a friend given the fun times we have had. My few sentence msgs annoy people as they, simply put, don't want to read it all. Another thing I can see I need to work on, I need to summarize things more for other peoples convenience, and maybe to even not come off as pretentious.
Like I said above, it's not that I can't "get loose" and like the title of this TIMH says, "dumb down" and just ignore the little jabs at myself and appreciate the moment when I might cause laughter or something epic happening. In the instance of Terraria, being I just bought the game and how much there is to find and make, I felt as If I was dead weight compared to the few people in the group who knew a lot about the game, and given how what they had equipped was better then what I had. This was another case of me wanting to contribute more, in order to feel less like some baggage and truly "part of the team". In addition with certain keys on the keyboard being used differently then Minecraft, and me getting the two mixed up (like pressing shift which deletes items in terraria but puts them ON you in Minecraft), I ended up apologizing a lot when someone gave me an item and I accidentally delete it.
Things like this experience have led me to believe that I have to dumb down in order to not annoy others, to not even create anything that someone would take the piss out of, and to not cause anything that someone could possibly insult/jab at. On the flip side, I can just try harder and grow thicker skin then I thought I already had, and "take the hits", and ignore what is being said to me, only replying with what matters and what isn't something that might be causing me stress.
Meanwhile, this entire journal contradicts the name, Dumb Down, because well, I just wrote a whole analytical descriptive shpiel about what transpired and why I feel this way.
You can see the confusion clearly now I bet.
Nonetheless- thank you for reading this. Any advice would be appreciated.
I thank you for your time,